Sour Taste of Selene (Sour Series 1) [Completed]

20 : Die

Chapter 20
Die

I leave his room with a broken heart. Wala ako sa sariling sumakay ng elevator, I am just crying the whole time I was there. Pinalis ko ang mga luha ng tumunog ito, hudyat na nasa tamang palapag na ako, sumakay ako ng taxi para makauwi sa sariling condo ko.

Tulala ako buong byahe. Nakatingin lamang sa labas. Hindi ko alam kung paano pa akong nakauwi ng walang sugat dahil sa pagiging lutang. Wala na akong paki alam sa kung anong naging itsura ko sa daan habang nakakasalubong ng mga tao.

Humiga lamang ako sa aking kama, walang katapusan akong umiyak doon hanggang sa hinila ng antok pero pagkagising at naalala ang nangyari kaninang umaga ay ganoon pa rin.

Gabi na pero wala akong balak kumain o mag ayos man lang ng sarili, I got calls from my friends but ignored them, they probably thought that I am studying.

Hindi ko pinansin ang kumakalam na sikmura. Hindi ako tumayo mula sa pagkakahiga.

So this is how it feels like? To have him gone, that we officially broke up. I don't have the guy that makes me remind me of my family and I will never have the same guy that can make me feel like he is my family that I can rely on anytime. I don't have the guy who truly understands everything about me.

I am a true shit. Sa sobrang paghahanap ko ng kasiyahan at kalayaan nakalimutan kong mas malawak ang kadiliman kaysa sa liwanag.

I forgotten that even a small hint of happiness there's a sadness that will wave after. I forgotten many ways to have freedom.

Travelling is always better than placing yourself on the middle of the crowd. Reading a book is the best way to escape the reality. Working out can make your energy boost.

But overall, I chose alcohol poisoning and that's the reality I have to face.

I look up to glass door of the veranda, the curtains are not closed. That is enough for me to see the clear sky full of stars and the shining moon.

With the starts and moon I feel like I am one of them, I am not alone when I can see them. They are there with me when I was at Sariaya, alone and crying too, walang pinagkaiba kahit nasa Manila na ako.

Ilang beses ko na bang inulit na kasama ko ang buwan sa tuwing mag isa ako? Ilang beses na dahil iyon ang palagi kong nararanasan.

But I realized. I was never alone because they left me. They want me to be with them but I chose to left them or at least, I made him chose to leave me.

Ang planong gamitin si Ivan noon ay tila nagkatotoo. Napunta ako sa Manila. Nakatakas sa magulang na pilit akong sinaraduhan ng pinto. Nagkaroon ng kasiyahan. Nasobrahan. Naiwanan.

If I am hurting now, maybe, he is more hurted. When I let go of my life back in Sariaya, did I get hurt? Yes. Because I live there for years just like how Ivan spent his years with me. He spent years loving me but I ended up hurting him.

It hurts me too... a lot and I know, I deserve it.

Days passed at nawalan ako ng ganang pumasok, lagi akong nagsasaya sa kung saan saang bar sa BGC. Ivan is right when he told me that I am already addicted to this kind of happiness but now it's a different reason, it's not for the freedom I want anymore, it's because I want to forget about him, I want to make myself happy that finally no one will ever stopped me from this.