Unexpected

Part 47

Monday morning and afternoon are spent visiting attractions. Climbing Mont Royal and seeing Montreal laid out down below, walking along the brightly painted Victorian houses in Square Saint Louis, enjoying the Parisian feel of Old Montreal, and amusing ourselves at the Biosphere. To round out the leisurely activities we go rafting on the river and zip lining.

That evening, back in the hotel room, we're relaxing side by side on the couch. 

And it all starts with a question from me to Sangil.

"How have you been recently?"

"Good," he smiles.

"You know, you always say that, but you should be honest."

"I am honest," he replies, confused.

"Do you know that you've never told me when you're not okay?"

"I don't want to burden you. You have a lot on your plate."

"It's not a burden, it's called a marriage. That's what spouses do."

He's staring down at me, still confused. "But you can't change the situation."

"I don't have to. Just sharing and talking will make your stress level go down."

"But nothing will actually change. I'll still be dealing with the same thing."

"But you won't be alone."

"Comparing my problems to yours, they seem insignificant."

"Don't day that!" I exclaim.

"But it's true. You're one of twenty-two people in the world who drive an F1 car. You can easily lose your seat if you do poorly. Me? I am pr—."

Whatever he was going to say gets muffled beneath my hand. "Don't. Put. Yourself. Down." I wait for him to relax before removing my hand from his mouth.

He changes the subject back. "I guess I just feel that unless talking can make a difference, then why bother you with it?"

"It will make a difference. You'll feel better."

"Not about my feelings, but something concrete."

This comes across as a refusal to even try and understand. Even though I don't want it to, my frustration builds up quickly. In a tone of voice that I'm not proud of, I ask, "And how did you change the situation when I shared with you how I was struggling in Formula One?" This makes him pause. "My pet peeve when I watch dramas or read books is when one person doesn't tell the other something, justifying it in all sorts of ways. 'It's not important, they don't need to know.' 'It will hurt them if they knew, so I'll keep quiet.' 'It's in the past, there's no reason to tell.' And then the other person finds out, usually from someone else, and they fight and most likely breakup. Thank goodness for creative writers who make them see the error of their ways and minutes before the drama — or book — ends they reconcile." I take a deep breath after that long rant.

"You hate that?" Sangil asks softly.

"Yes. It's the same formula, over and over. As if no one ever behaves in a different manner." I shake my head. "Marriages need to be transparent."

He's quiet before replying, "I guess I'm not there yet, Sochi."

"Do you even want to be?"

"What if you won't like me after hearing what I say?"

"So you're scared that my feelings will change after knowing your innermost thoughts and secrets?"

"Maybe I'm not the person you think I am."

"Sangil, you're not perfect; you're human. But I know that you're a good person. You make mistakes - we all do. But you try and correct them, and learn from them. You aren't set in your ways, but strive to become a better version of yourself. You have to trust me when I say that I won't love you less if you open up and show me your flaws."

He freezes. So do I. This is the first time I've voiced my feelings so explicitly on camera. Neither of us know what to say next, so the disagreement is not resolved, and we tiptoe around each other for the rest of the evening, up until we go our separate ways at the airport.

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So Sebin re-debuted with Omega X, and Taewoong posted a picture with him, Suhyun, and Sangil (and Sebin). And my overactive imagination is wondering what is going on with Suhyun. He shouldn't have  been discharged from the army yet, but his hair is long, like he's been out for a couple months. Snuper has two main vocals available! And two rappers. They could record songs! Even though I'm preparing myself for hearing bad news. I'll probably drop Kpop when Snuper is no more.

Here is TangTV from when Snuper were in Canada (Ottawa, the capitol).