Unexpected

Part 65

Ando-san, my manager, drives me to the airport because I'm still numb and would be distracted behind the wheel. I don't know if Sangil heard the news or not, since he was flying when the crash occurred. I steel myself for any emotion. If he's happy, he's allowed to be.

But when I spot him it's obvious that he knows. He crushes me against him in his strong arms. "Let's get out of here," he whispers. As we walk in the parking lot he explains what little he's heard. "Taewoong texted that there was a fatal crash in the Formula 2 race. Was he a friend of yours?"

I nod. "Not a close friend, but we've raced against each other for a few years. Hung out in a group sometimes. Pierre was very close to him. They were roommates at one point. I can't imagine what he's going through. Right after Pierre was demoted, too."

"Will you guys race tomorrow?"

I nod again. "F2 won't, but we will. I know that some people will think that's callous or disrespectful, but it's our job. We knew the risks when we signed our contracts." I square my shoulders.

When we arrive at the vehicle Sangil is surprised to see Ando-san. "I didn't feel up to driving tonight," I explain. Both of us sit in the backseat and are quiet on the drive. Sangil takes my hand in his. He rubs his thumb across the back of my hand in a comforting manner.

At the hotel I ask him to come inside my room. "I don't want to be alone right now."

He nods. "Okay."

As he's getting situated I call room service and order dinner, then prepare for sleep. I feel like I'm on auto pilot as I shower and change into the pajamas that Sangil bought for me months ago. Just for tonight, I think. Tomorrow I have to race, so I'll need to be fully engaged.

The food arrived while I was bathing, and Sangil has started eating. He pats the seat next to him. "Come and eat."

"I don't know if I can."

He smiles sadly. "Try. I think you need to stick to your schedule as much as possible."

I sit down next to him and nibble on some bread. Then I have tea, and though I can't say my appetite fully returns, I do manage to eat enough to satisfy Sangil.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asks Sangil in a low voice. "You need to process everything, and for many people the best way is talking."

I nod. "Sure. It still seems unreal. I was answering questions from the media. A TV screen just happened to be off to the side, broadcasting the Formula Two race. I heard the crash, and looked over. I immediately knew it was serious. As they red flagged the race, and had no new information, I was pausing during my answers, and stammering, so my manager made the decision to stop the interviews."

I wipe the tears that I hadn't realized were spilling onto my cheeks. "Usually after a crash the drivers get out. Or radio the team to say that they're okay. But neither Anthione nor Correa did. That only confirmed how serious it was. And the ambulance stopped on track. The only reason would have been because they couldn't resuscitate him when they were moving."

Sangil hands me tissues as I continue to silently weep. "Less than hour after he arrived at the hospital we received confirmation that he passed away. I am very thankful for the advances in safety that we have, but racing will always be a dangerous sport." I sigh. "And now I feel like words pour out, without any connection to the previous thought."

"They don't have to," Sangil softly points out.

"I'm grateful it wasn't me. And then I think of the grieving family and feel guilty for those thoughts."

"There's nothing wrong with feeling thankful that you're alive."

"The world is topsy-turvy tonight." I get in bed and sit with my legs drawn up and my arms hugging my knees, chin resting on top. "Will you stay with me?"

Sangil searches my eyes for an explanation.

"I want to fall asleep in your arms. I can't explain it well, but I need human touch."

"I can do that," he replies.

When Sangil gets out of the bathroom he stands uncertainly in the doorway. "I didn't bring proper pajamas, are you okay with this?" He gestures to his clothes.

I don't bother looking before nodding. "Yes. You can turn off the lights and come here." When he's under the covers I scoot close. "Hug me, please," I instruct. I put my head on his chest as he cradles me within his arms. "I'm glad that We Got Married paired us up, and that I got to meet you. You're a wonderful, thoughtful, kind, and beautiful person with a great sense of humor. I hope that you achieve your dreams."

"What's this all of a sudden? You're speaking as if ..." he trails off.

"I don't think anything will happen to me. I mean, I don't fear the race tomorrow. But I don't want to leave anything unsaid, you know?"

"Yeah. Something like this reminds us that life is fragile." He tilts my head up, even though it's dark and we can't properly see each other. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I close the distance between us and tenderly kiss him.

My phone alarm wakes me up the next morning. I reach over and hit stop, then look over at Sangil, who continues to sleep. If this was a romance novel we'd wake up with our limbs entangled, or perhaps spooning. As it is, we're on opposite sides of the bed, with only his bent knee touching my leg.

I slide out of bed and start getting ready for the day. I brush my teeth, wash my face. Put on black pants, a Nissan shirt, green Converse sneakers. Then I put my hair in a ponytail and curl my eyelashes. After a swipe of lip gloss I'm all set.

Back in the bedroom I walk over to Sangil's side. "Sangil, it's time to get up." He doesn't stir. I shake his arm gently as I repeat myself.

He opens his eyes halfway and squints at me.

He looks adorable. "I'm leaving in twenty minutes, sleepyhead."

"Okay," he mumbles. "I'll be ready."

******************************************

When I got the idea for this story, I was going to write in the present after the races concluded. When this incident took place, I wasn't sure if I should include it or not, but in the end I chose to leave it in. The next year in F1 (2020) Romain Grosjean from the Haas team suffered a horrible accident when he hit the barriers, his car tore in half, and caught on fire. Miraculously, he managed to free himself from the wreckage and only suffered a sprained ankle and burns on his hands.

Also, during the 2019 summer break, Pierre Gasly was demoted from the Red Bull team to Toro Rosso (they are both owned by the same guy, but the Red Bull team is known to have the better and faster car). Alexander Albon from the Toro Rosso team took his spot. And after being assured that they had no intention of removing him...