Idiosyncrasy 특질

Chapter Five

"He had awoken too late for happiness, but not for strength, and could feel an austere joy, as of a warrior who is homeless but stands fully armed."
                                                                                      - E.M. Forster, Maurice

Taehyung did not want to see anyone, not his family, not his friends. So when the head nurse and his professor had asked the interned doctors to do extra shifts for those with family over the Christmas period, he had been one of the first to sign up. It was better to numb his heart ache with work, and work he did. The young doctors were used all over the wards at all times and so Taehyung pulled both 24 and 48-hour-shifts, most of the time sleeping at the hospital, not bothering to go home. The days leading up to Christmas and beyond he basically lived not only at the hospital using their facilities there, but he lived in scrubs as well, not bothering with going home for a change of clothes.

Usually, Taehyung hated the flu outbreaks each year, but this time he was glad.
The spread of the flu kept him away from thinking too much about his own heart ache as he had to hold hands with old grandmothers and grandfathers who had to be put on ventilators or young children who were suffering from tonsillitis or bronchitis, always a side effect of the flu for the youngest.

Each time after a shift, he took a shower at the hospital and then fell exhausted into one of the on-call beds in the staff community room. He learnt to sleep almost anywhere and in whatever position.

On Boxing Day when he had taken a shower at the hospital after he had pulled a 24-hour-shift his gaze caught his image in the cloudy mirror, at first he did not recognize himself. After wiping away the moisture that had gathered on the mirror the man that stared back at him barely bore any resemblance to him. His usually sparkling dark eyes spoke of a deep hurt and the dark circles underneath made him look as if he was sporting two fading black eyes. His skin looked pale and he had a little rash from the hospital food and the too many caffeinated soft drinks he had been living off for the last three weeks. He did not look well at all and when he slipped into his underwear as well as the scrub bottoms, he realized he had lost considerable weight.

Exhaling sharply, he patted his cheeks with more force than he had intended and he winced at the sting. His bread cheeks were gone and in their place were a sharp jawline and even sharper cheekbones. He looked hardened and alien, even to his own eyes.

"Fuck you, Jungkook!" Taehyung whispered and felt his hands turning into fists. At last after so many weeks he finally felt a spark of anger. He was angry. He felt angry at himself for falling for Jungkook but also angry at Jungkook himself who had chosen a way to make their break-up more painful and even childish in a way.

"Aish!" Taehyung gulped and tried to suppress the tears that crept up and tried to tie up his throat. "Why, Jungkook? Why hurt me so much when a simple 'I don't want to meet anymore' would have been enough?"

He heard the door open and Taehyung quickly turned on the water and splashed water into his face.

"Taehyung-ssi, good morning," a cheerful voice greeted him and Taehyung recognised a young doctor from the hoesik.

"Good morning," Tae replied and slipped a t-shirt over his head.

"I will be on your team this afternoon, in the pre-natal ward," the cheerful young man said.

"Tell Head Nurse, she'll find me," Tae said and grabbed the rest of his stuff and walked out. He wanted to find a free bed and a good night's sleep first before having to deal with his colleagues or patients again. He just wished he could just choose the same with his own thoughts as well.