Parineeta

Manik changed?

".....Nandini, Manik was always a guy who would never do anything that he did not feel about dil se.. all of us have hooked up, have had relationships as teens, the fun flings but Manik never did, not once, because he believed he wasn't made for those.. he wanted something true.. he was looking for someone who he could truely believe but he never once let his guards down for anybody.. practically making it impossible for anybody, other than us to, to understand him and so nobody even tried.. but.. things.. changed.. Manik changed.."
I rolled my eyes, sat straight and sighed. So this was it.. this was what it was all about? To tell that he had changed..
"Cabir.. really? We're doing this again.. I just said it that if all it took for him to change was my absence.. I might as well leave again.. I can't believe you're still.."I was interrupted with his sarcastic chuckle.
"Nandini stop.. tumne suna hi nahi maine kya kaha.."he muttered softly as if hurt.
"Maine suna Cabir.. Manik changed.. maybe he did... Maybe he didn't, but that doesn't justify what he's already done.. and neither doed it make it any better.."I paused as I stole a glance at him and he looked away.
"Nandini.. maine shuru mei kaha tha mai.. pichle ek saal ke baare mei kuch nai bolunga.. iss ek saal mei kya hua.. kya badla.. kon badla.. it's all for you to find out.. Manik ne humse bas itna kaha hai ki hum jaise jee rahe hai vaise jiye.. tumhare aane se apne aap ko presentable dikhane ki aur khud ko usko justify karne ki koshish na kare.. and I believe he's right.. tum nai thi yaha.. alot happened.. but that's all for you to catch up on.. none of us are going to sit you down and tell you things because you missed out on them.. because that will only look like we're trying to force you to do something that you might or might not want to do.." Something pinched me when he said that I was not here. Wasn't it his friend's fault that I wasn't here. I didn't enjoy moving to an unknown country living among unknown people and restarting my whole life but I had to because of what he'd put me through. Was I being blamed for not being able to take those mental tortures any more?
"What are you trying to say?"I played safe. I didn't want him to think that I was just as impulsive and irrational as Manik in case he wasn't intending to say what I was getting at.
"Look, all I'm saying is.. I'm not gonna talk about the last year.. I will not.. the last one year is for you to find out.. and if anybody has to talk about it.. it's Manik.. and he will.."he said in a matter of fact tone and I nodded lightly before putting my next question at him.
"So what did you mean by 'Manik changed'?"
"I was talking about the time back in school.. Manik changed from the arrogant, self absorbed person that he'd become to the old Manik.. but there was a reason behind that change that even he doesn't know, in fact he never even noticed that he changed.. he still doesn't know how and when he went back to being the old Manik.."he replied and I looked at him confused.
"Nandini you came to our school when you were in nineth grade and now I believe Manik thought or maybe thinks that you were always there in our school but you weren't"Cabir smiled, a little embarassed, and I looked at him with my innocent questions waiting to pour out but before I could he continued.
"The thing is I had noticed you the first day you'd come in.. your class was on the floor below ours and you had looked so innocent and naive that I instantly felt drawn to you.. nobody really knows about this.. that I had tried to tell Manik about it.. but we were busy with our music and practices and Manik was never really interested in knowing about girls unless one of us was dating them already.. then he would be very welcoming and so I pushed the topic of your existence away but I always tried to keep an eye on you.. and I don't know that feeling wasn't one you have when you're attracted to someone, it was this..." He said and held my hand in his squeezing it lightly in an assuring and protective manner.
"The feeling that a guy has when he holds his baby sister in his arms for the first time.. Nandini I never had a sister.. i had a set of parents who probably never even spoke nicely to each other after I happened in their lives or maybe even before so to see you.. walking in the school, like a lost child, looking around like a little baby trying to recognise her surroundings I felt the rush of a new brother. And it's very weird, I know, people fall in love at the first sight and here I was eager to tell you that I want to treat you and pamper you like the sister I never had but I wished for and that is why later in college when everybody in Fab5 seemed to have made peace and good friends with you and you became comfortable with us, I tried everything to keep you safe and gain your trust.."he explained and I felt overwhelmed. I felt the guilt of not telling him about my whereabouts in the last year rushing back at me like a bullet train. This man here treated like his little baby sister always, supporting me, being with me, understanding me and I didn't even trust him enough to keep him informed about myself.
"So yeah I always kept an eye at school because I knew there were bullies around, yeah nobody could mess with us but they could mess with a new kid and somebody like you would definitely be a target for somebody like Harshad.. which you eventually were.. Nandini you were so pretty.. I mean are still.. that almost every guy in your batch as well as ours was drooling over the new girl.. but Manik never seemed to pay attention until one day you guys finally met at the party your dads were at.. that day.. Manik returned home a little happier than usual.. my parents had again had a fight and I'd simply walked out of their house without any attention to whatever was going inside and had headed to Manik's.. I knew it was time for him and uncle to return home!"he seemed to have gone back to the day I and Manik first met. I don't know what he knew or what Manik told him about me, about us but I remember how happy I was that night when I had met him for the first time, actually after we had met, and how cute he'd looked that night. His dad had emotionally blackmailed him to accompany him since Nyonika aunty had some important stuff to attend to, he had told me and he'd said had he not loved his dad so much he would've bailed out, but he couldn't his dad was happy and he loved to see his mom dad so happy. We'd spent half that night together, we had practically survived that party because of each other, because for two school kids that party was so boring with adults drinking and talking business and their kids fooling around which hadn't interested either of us so we'd taken to a secluded spot at the swimming pool and sat their with our cold drinks, pretending those were 'drinks', we had acted like the adults inside the party, made fun of them, we had talked and talked so much that we did not realise how time passed and when it was finally the time to get back until our dads had looked for us.
"I don't know.. uss din tumlogo ke beech uss party mei kya hua.. tum kaise mile.. usne ek stranger se kaise baat ki.. because the Manik he had become.. he would've rather sat alone in a corner sulking about being at a party he didn't want to be at than talk to a stranger.." I remembered taking the first look at him that night, he had definitely looked arrogant and disinterested in anything but so was I, so it did not look strange or rude to me, also maybe because I had carried my book along to avoid talking to people which I guess looked more rude. I don't remember how or who started the conversation between us but I'm pretty sure he never saw the book in my hand.
"Yeah no he did not look arrogant, he looked disinterested and annoyed initially but it wasn't strange for me because I was annoyed too.. my mom and dad had tagged me along because they thought I was too young to be left alone at home.. I had carried my book to avoid any interaction so I guess I looked more rude to people than a guy who just in a corner atleast acknowledging people's presence while I was digging into my book especially in the moments where people tried to make any kind of conversation with me.."I spoke for the first time in all this while and Cabir giggled.
"You guys.. now I get it..you two are just.."he chuckled as he left his sentence incomplete and went back to talking about that night but a part of me was waiting and wanting to hear the end of his 'you two are just..' I don't know what was I expecting.
"So when he came home, I was already there, we were just hanging around with actually nothing to do since Alya, Dhruv and Mukti were tired because of the practice we did in the day and had gone home, I was bored but his face was glowing, he looked happy and contented and excited, it was like he was looking forward to the start of something new, like the feeling, you know, you have when you're beginning a new phase in life and you're excited about it, so was he, his face reflected a  different kind of shine even on that boring night, I remember I had asked him a couple of times about what had happened, but he hadn't said anything, he did not tell me anything about how the party was, how he survived through it, what did he do the whole time, he said nothing, it was as if it had been just a casual night but his eyes said something different.. the next morning we went back to school and it fell back to normal, it seemed like he had controlled the feeling he had on the night of the party so he was back to being the arrogant Manik who simply stuck to us and talked to us about us, that happiness vanished in the next few days.."Cabir's expressions were changing with every word he said, sometimes he got excited, sometimes he was dull, it all just indicated how engrossed he was, amd how he deeply he remembered every detail from the past, the past that was actually about fifteen to twenty years old.
"All of it until a week later he randomly came into the music room, breathing heavy as if he'd just ran a marathon, he came in as I was tuning the drums and looked around while trying to catch his breath.. he wanted to act normal but his eyes, his body language, his breathing, everything gave away that he'd just seen something that made him extremely happy.. I had looked at him questioningly as he calmed himself down.. 'There's a girl.. junior..' he had said between his uneven breaths and I had looked at him confused, 'I met her.. the new girl.. at a party.. that party.. jaha dad had taken me zabardasti..' he had said and I had nodded. It was getting clearer why he was so happy that night and why he was exasperated about the girl that day. I had teased him how he was so excited because he saw the same girl again and he pretended like it was nothing but just a coincidence and that he wasn't that happy as I was making him sound but he was and I could see it in his eyes.. that day he took turns and looked for excuses to go to the junior floor and finally during recess managed to get a glimpse of the girl when I was with him.. he had pointed at a group of girls giggling in the corridors of the junior floor while I saw you standing there with a  nervous smile, looking around, as if you were looking for someone.." I remember the day I was given a dare by a guy in my class to propose to a senior. I definitely was very nervous because all of it was new to me. I was looking for someone who wouldn't create a scene while my friends including Navya had stood in a corner giggling at my futile efforts to find a decent senior.
"You were dared by someone to propose to a senior and all you did was find Harshad out of all of us.."he said and I closed my eyes remembering that incident. I had come across Harshad and he looked pretty decent or If I must, pretty and decent, I did not think he could be so opposite of what he looked. I had decided to go for the dare with Harshad since I couldn't find anyone better so I did. I had very nervously reached out to Harshad, smiled at him weakly as he looked at me confused since I'd stopped him in his tracks while he was headed to somewhere. I had explained to him the whole situation in hushed voices so as to save both of us any embarrassment but to my surprise his expressions had changed, to something I couldn't decipher. He had looked at me intently after that as if waiting for me to proceed with what I was supposed to do. His lips had broken into a sly smile as if he had something on his mind but since I couldn't understand what it was, I decided to go ahead and get over with the dare.
I vividly remember proposing to him in front of all my batch mates, my friends, the guy who'd given me the dare, because what happened next was my worst nightmare. The whole corridor had fallen silent to my proposal and Harshad's sly smile had turned into a wicked one as he had looked at me as if he was a vulture preying on me.
"yes beautiful, I would definitely love to accept your proposal but for that we'll have to do something more to, you know to make it official" he had said and I had looked at him weirdly wondering if he hadn't heard me when I'd told him that it was just a dare.
"Let's seal it with a kiss!"he had said and held me by my arms, blocking my way out of the situation, I had felt disgusted when he had leaned in towards my face. The rush of anger and rage and disgust and fear that I had felt that day was something that I'd never felt, neither before nor after that incident.
"He had asked you for a kiss in front of half the school and I had felt like punching him there.."Cabir's voice brought me out of the flashback and I looked at him as I tried tracing his presence in the crowd that day.
"Where were you? I don't remember seeing you there until..."I asked softly.
"Near the staircase.. yeah Manik and I were standing near the staircase, it was recess and the corridors were already so busy.. he had pointed at you and things after that happened so quickly that I couldn't catch onto what he said.. infact all I could think of was smashing Harshad's head against the wall and get you out of the situation.. but before I could.. he did.. I was shocked, surprised and in an instant his words had reeled back at me.. the junior he was talking about, the girl he met at the party, the one who made him so happy and brought alittle of his old self back to him, the girl he was pointing at in that corridor... It was you.. and before I could connect it all together.. he was there punching Harshad, covering you, holding you behind him as if trying to hide you from the ugliness that came with Harshad.. that day, in that moment, I saw a clear change on his face.. in his eyes.. a protectiveness.. a territorial feeling.. a softness as he held you behind him while his eyes spit fire at Harshad.. he doesn't know about it even today.. he thinks he would've done it for anybody else.. and he would've.. but the anger and the softness that settled simultaneously in his eyes that day were not a usual feeling.. but he wouldn't accept.. he never did.."