Parineeta

His Girlfriend

The sky had turned dusky and the sun was setting. I hadn't realised how much time we really had spent talking but the conversation with Cabir felt like a much needed one. I was still unsure of what I wanted to do or how I wanted to go about things, whether I wanted to confront Manik or give him alittle more time. Something in felt a little settled. It wasn't like there weren't no questions anymore but it just felt like I knew some answers to my questions.
Finally making peace with the new information that Cabir had given me I decided to go back to my room and call it a day. I entered the gallery that led the way from the garden to my room and was heading in the direction of my room when I heard a few noises from the lobby. It seemed as if there were alot of people talking all at once and I wondered if everything was alright. My brain immediately constructed an emergency that might require my assistance and so hurriedly moved towards the lobby.
The walk had been brisk. I didn't understand why was I so worried or rather curious but I just wanted to know what was up. As I entered the lobby, I saw a group of strangely hyper ladies talking and whispering in a corner while a group of men sat on the cushioned chairs, like professionals discussing business. Undoubtedly most men looked like business men and I wondered if they were guests for the wedding but then the ladies looked alittle different from how the business class looked. I did not realise the amount of time that I spent standing at the corner of the corridor just gaping at the bunch of people when another set of ladies entered the lobby and they looked like those from the business class. Some of those ladies looked young, like me, Mukti or Alya while the others looked nearly Nyonika Ma's age. My gaze went back to group of ladies who were previously chatting in a corner and I realised they were alittle older, prolly in their mid-sixties. I was trying to pair them up with a few men who looked their age or older to understand if there were any couples in this room but all that I could understand was the men irrespective of their ages looked pretty well maintained. They carried themselves like those authentic businessmen like my and Manik's dads. I was still trying to piece together the reason behind the chaos when Manik entered in a formal black shirt and blue jeans and for the first time in all this while I actually felt like I was noticing him completely. There was a change within me which I couldn't understand the reason for. He still was wrong. What he did a year ago and how he treated me was unforgivable no matter how he felt. I would rather have him feel nothing for but still respect me rather than feel for me and disrespect me but this change didn't feel dismissive. The more I tried to tear my gaze away from him the harder and more focused my gaze became. If a third person would've noticed me staring at him like that, they would've definitely said that I was oggling at him but that wasn't my intention.
Manik walked across the lobby with a strong demeanor. His walk made him look like one of those businessmen itself. He looked powerful even in a casual look and I wondered if he'd always looked like that. But if he did why hadn't I ever noticed it before. The Manik I remember from a year ago looked like a musician. He used to wear tee-shirts and jackets and used to look like an arrogant, famous musician. But the Manik in front of me right now, looked like a businessman, a powerful man, yet so grounded, his face depicted a different kind of humbleness and simplicity that I'd not seem in all the fifteen years that I'd known him and Cabir's words came rushing to me that alot had changed in the last one year but it was all upto me to find out or upto Manik to tell me. I wondered whether this was the change he was referring to. I also wondered about what had changed so much in this guy in the last one. I mean a change in the dressing style was understandable but the change in personality so much so that it's visible on his face. I was curious to know, now, about what had happened in this past year. Did Manik really change? For good? Was somebody responsible for this change in him? Did my absence make him a better person? Or did he change for someone else? Did he find someone worth changing for? What about what Cabir said that it had always been about me? Manik never changed for me, he changed after I left, so how I could it be all about me? And if it wasn't then was Cabir wrong or was it so easy for Manik to move on?
With all these questions in my head, I didn't realise I was still staring extremely hard at Manik and he'd probably gotten an hint of it as I saw him look around as if looking for someone and in an instant his eyes settled on mine as if he knew it was me but just had to make sure. I looked away instantly and went back to scanning through the crowd. As my eyes wandered I noticed a few girls, almost my age, dressed subtle yet as if to impress, look at Manik flirtatiously hoping to gain his attention and in milliseconds I felt a part of me heating up. Their constant gaze at him and their subtle attempts at grabbing his attention made me want to claw their eyes out and smack their smug smiles off their faces but I couldn't understand why I felt so. It wasn't like I had forgiven him or wanted to take possession of him but I just wanted to tell everyone out there, who was making eyes at him, that he was off the market, unavailable.
I was staring ardently at those ladies when my ears caught some of Manik's conversations with one of the old ladies.
"Kinna sona lag raha hai puttar! Kisi di nazar na lage tennu"the old lady smiled as Manik reached the crowd, she touched his head affectionately and he bowed in respect. I felt a smile on my lips as I saw the honouring side of Manik.
"Namaste biji!"he replied and bent down to touch her feet and I felt proud at how he was behaving. A part of me wanted to go there and literally tell everyone that I was his wife. I was this man's wife who has nothing but respect for everybody around him but then I remembered that I most probably wasn't his wife anymore since I was the one who sent him the divorce papers and I don't regret it, I guess, because obviously what he did was unacceptable and I hadn't forgiven.
Are you like trying to convince yourself? Remind yourself that you haven't forgiven him? Because it doesn't look like you haven't...
Manik stood back up as the crowd surrounded him from one side behind the lady, biji, as he mentioned, who seemed to be the eldest.
"Apne dosto ki hi shaadi karwaega ya apni ke baare mei bhi kuch socha hai?"biji teased Manik and I was surprised that his relatives did not know about us, our wedding. Obviously why should they, it was a contract anyways, a fake marriage that would've ended by now. Manik stood flushed at the mention of his wedding so openly and it came as another surprise for me. I'd never seen him blush like this before. Even when he told me about Alya or when he used to talk about their relationship.
"Socha hai na biji.."Manik replied like a little kid as if he was asked about his crush.
"Toh ladki ke baare mei bhi socha hai ya sirf shaadi ke laddu phoote hai abhi tak.."biji continued and I couldn't why they were having such a conversation in the lobby itself.
"Dekh ladki nai mili hai abhi tak tujhe toh koi baat nai... Mai milwati hu tujhe... Humari Shaina se... Mere sone munde ke liye... Meri dost ki sabse soni kudi.. tum dono saath mei kitne sone lagoge.."biji seemed to have no end. As if she'd come here just to get Manik married. I looked back at Manik but his expressions had changed. He looked annoyed and petrified. As if he wasn't expecting the conversation to take such a turn.
"Shaina... Idhar aa.." Biji called the girl who had already been making eyes at Manik from amongst the crowd as Manik srood frozen. The girl jumped to the front like she'd been waiting for the opportunity. Biji made Shaina stand between Manik and herself and Manik shifted in the other direction awkwardly.
"Dekh... Haayeee"biji adored the two like they were already a couple and I wanted to smack that old ladies face as well as that Shaina's facd but the the only thing that stopped me was the constant reminder that I had no right to feel this way. He wasn't mine. Not now, not ever. I wasn't even his contracted wife anymore to say anything here.
All of the family drama was getting abit too much on my nerves and I finally decided to leave when I realised no matter how angry I was with Manik, I still couldn't, practically, see him with somebody else. Before I could turn around and step away from the scenario I heard Manik's voice a little louder than was needed. It seemed like it wasn't meant for the people standing in the lobby.
"Nai..."his voice echoed through the hall as I turned to face him but he was already looking at me. As soon as he saw me looking at him he looked away and pretended to address the people there.
"Biji.. nai.. iski koi zarurat nai hai.."he said as he shifted away a little more, trying to maintain a safe distance from the girl Shaina.
"Ladki hai na... Varna mai shaadi ke baare mei kyu sochta.. ladki hai.. meri ek girlfriend hai.."he said and I looked at him confused as biji's face fell. Shaina looked disappointed too.
"Uhh.. vo mujhse abhi thorhi naraz hai lekin  mai usse bhot pyaar karta hu... Aap kaho toh usse bulau?"he said. A hint of excitement seeped into his voice as well as his face and I waited for him to do what he just said. I don't know what I was anticipating or what I wanted him to do but I was having fun watching Shaina's face lose color. Biji nodded but the disappointment seemed to have settled on her face. I leaned against on the wall next to me, waiting for Manik to call for his new girlfriend who he'd went shopping for and for who, he had beem doing so much but what Manik did next blew me up.
"Nandini!!"Manik called out for me and looked in my direction. What was this? Another game? Cabir's mention of that day when Manik had announced Alya as his girlfriend came at me like a truck as I stoof there like a stone. Was he doing that again? He had options? He had the option to not say anything. If he was doing what he had done that day, this would certainly be the last time he sees me forever.
I saw Manik walk towards me but all I could do was stare at him blankly. I did nof know how to react. I did not understand whether to punch him when he reached me or comply with him. I did none.
Manik reached upto me, held my hand, his grip on my wrist firm, his smile, warm but I couldn't feel anything, neithef the warmth of his smile nor the affirmation of his grip on me. It just felt like another big game, another betrayal, like I was being played again but I was not able to.do anything. It felt like all of my senses had gone numb that instant as he dragged me with him, back to where he was standing, infront of his biji and all the othef relatives.
"Biji.. yeh Nandini.. mai aur Nandini ek dusre ko school se jaante hai... Hum ek hi college mei the.. aur imfact college mei hum bohot close the.. bohot.. phir meri bevakoofio ki vajah se Nandini mujhse thorha naraz ho gayi...bas isiliye aaj tak isss apni girlfriend nai bana paaya.."Manik went on as I stared at him. His voice sounded genuine and the things that he mentioned were true and the way the mention of me being his girlfriend turned his cheeks crimson red made me want to believe in everything he just said but again, how could I? Could I really believe him? Should I give him another chance?
I could hear biji huff in annoyance but it seemed to be in vain as Manik's eyes had already settled on mine as if trying to speak to me, oblivious of his surroundings. His grip on my wrist had turned protective and his smile had turned smug like he was crushing on me, but it was all so hard to believe.