Parineeta

Hear Me Out!

Medha and I were lost in each other's embrace when I heard his soft voice calling out to Medha.
"Medhu.."his voice shivered a little as he tried to speak and Medha broke our hug and looked up at him innocently.
"Aapne breakfast kiya.."he asked softly as he bent towards her. She nodded in a no.
"Jao mukti massi ke paas.. pehle breakfast karo.. phir.."he was cut in mid by Medha's voice as she innocently asked him for her to let her stay with me for some more time.
"Medhu.. mumma toh kahi nai jaa rahi.. aap breakfast karlo.. phir mumma ke saath dher saari baatein karna.."he affirmed her as he stole a glance at me. I noticed how comfortable he was with calling me a mom in front of Medha. It felt like he was in a habit, like he'd been doing it for months. I couldn't say anything. It was still all too new for me. As much as I loved Medha I didn't know if I was ready to be called a mother yet because with that label came alot of responsibilities and I was not sure I could take them on. I didn't want to disappoint Medha. I did not want to disappoint Manik too, he seemed to have done a good job as a father, I wanted to be sure I could atleast be half as good a parent that he'd been to this little angel. Besides right at the moment, I didn't even know where I stood in Manik's life so it was kind of impossible to figure out where I would stand in Medha's life as well.
"Papa pleasee..."she smiled at him blinked her eyes a couple of times and I was reminded of the time I used to do it to my dad when he wouldn't agree to something I said or wanted. I gazed at Medha and then at Manik and his face depicted the same look my dad used to have when he didn't want to disappoint me but he would have to because it was important. Manik closed his eyes, his lips pursed together. He was having a hard time having to say no to his little angel.
"Medhu.. papa ki good girl haina? Aap jaldi se breakfast karke aao phir mumma aapke saath rahegi pura time.. please papa ki baat maan lo.. phir papa aapko bilkul nai rokege.."he said and Medha looked down. Sadness spread over her face. I looked at the father-daughter and their expressions were almost the same. Who said kids only looked like their birth parents. I could see Medha was more like me and Manik than our kid could ever have been and that was because Manik had groomed her like that. I'm not sure he put alot of himself into her, because she looked more like me, her dress, her hair, her style of talking all of it was like me. It was like Manik had created a mini Nandini to compensate for my absence. I didn't know how to feel about it. All of this indicated that he missed me, that he needed me but the one thought was bigger than everything that he was doing.. can I forget what he did to me? Can I forgive him?
"Pakka?" I heard Medha's sweet little voice as she again looked up at her father and Manik sat down in front of her holding his hand out.
"Promise.."he said as she gave her hand in his. Medha immediately set in motion. She ran inside as I and Manik got off our knees. I turned to look at Medha's retreating figure and my eyes followed her until she went out of sight. I knew Manik was watching me. I knew he wanted to talk. I knew it was time but I didn't know if I was ready for it. I stepped alittle towards where Medha had just disappeared but it seemed like he wasn't going to let go. He was ready to talk and he was going to.
"She's just like you.."he muttered softly and I was stopped in my tracks. I stayed silently waiting for him to continue.
"Uska harr action.. harr baat.. it's all you.. she's like a mini you.. aur Nandini.."he paused but I didn't turm towards him. He knew I was listening but he needed assurance that I was. The desperation in his eyes became evident as he continued.
"She kept going.. and I know you don't wanna hear this.. you probably don't even want to talk to me and I didn't want to force you until now.. I didn't want you to do something that you didn't wanna do and that's why I didn't want you to meet Medha until you were ready to listen to me.."he took a pause again hoping I would turn but I didn't.
"Nandini I didn't wanna use Medha to get you to talk to me or hear me out... I wanted you to come to me.. to talk to me on your own accord.. I wanted you to confront me.. ask me.. everything you've wanted to ask me but only because you want to not because I have a kid who calls you her mother.. that's why I didn't let you know about her.. meet her.. infact all this while..."he took a deep breath and went on.
"All this while that you thought I had a new girlfriend.. Nandini.. it was Medha.."he pulled the trigger. My head snapped. I turned to look at him and his face gave away a number of emotions that couldn't quite point out, it was hope, it was fear, it was love, it was hesitation and it was so many more that it was getting difficult for me to look at him but the one emotion on his face that was written in big letters was guilt.
"Nandini that night.. Alya Dhruv's engagement.. it was Medha who was sick.. today.. it was Medha who wanted clothes.. and guess what she has an almirah full with new clothes that we bought just last month and all of them.. her choice... do you know when Mukti came to me today to tell me about this.. all I could remember was you that evening.. on the day of your dad's function.. sitting in a pile of new clothes crying about how you didn't have anything to wear..."he chuckled, his eyes stuck somewhere in vacuum. I remembered the day.
"I know Nandini... You probably still don't wanna talk to me... But please.. I mean I still won't force you.. because it's your decision to make.. but now that Medha knows you're here please.. just give me a chance.. just once let me explain myself.. then if you wanna walk away.. go back to where you came from and move on in your life I won't be the one stopping you.. even now though if you wanna walk away.. you're free to.."he muttered the last line a little softer but I heard it. I didn't know if I wanted to give him a Chance but I didn't walk away either. I stood there, staring at him like he'd casted some kind of a spell.
"Nandini?"he called out and I blinked at him still alittle dazed with his speech.
"Okay.."I muttered involuntarily and before I could realise I saw his ecstatic expression as reassured himself of what I said.
"What?"he asked barely being able to contain his emotions.
"I said okay.. i will.. hear you out.. but I can't give you alot of time or alot of chances.. Manik.."I paused as i gained a little control and saw him nodding furiously like he'd been agreeing to life threatening conditions being put at him.
"This is all you have.. I'm ready to listen to you.. talk to you.. about whatever it is.. whatever you want.. but just this once.."I said like I was beholding him.
"Okay.. okay.. can we sit?"he asked like a Little kid and I felt something in me melt. I nodded and we sat on the porch just like I sat with Cabir last evening. I was getting major Deja Vu and I knew there were coming my way. Something told me that Manik was only going to repeat everything that i already knew, everything that Cabir told me yesterday but I had to sit through it. I wanted to know if whatever Cabir said last evening checked, if Manik said the same things then it would Cabir was being honest and not defending his friend and I also knew this was when Manik would tell me everything.. everything including the last one year.
"Nandini.. I know I've been the worst husband to you.. the worst friend...best friend to you.. Nandini there's no excuse to any of it.. I was way too confused About my own self.. my owm emotions and what I felt for whom that I couldn't understand what I had until I lost it.. until I lost you.. Nandini you were the one good thing about my life.. the one person who I knew, in my heart, was mine! It was you Nandini.. it was always you.. I was just a big idiot to have not understood my feelings sooner.."he ranted and I looked at him.
"Does that Justify what you did a year ago?" I couldn't help it, I had to be blunt with my questions. He looked at me and the guilt dripped off his eyes. I looked away.
"No.. nothing justifies what I did.. how I behaved.. how I couldn't trust you.. I mean I was such an idiot.. Nothing justifies it Nandini.. and I won't even try to.. all I have to say for it is.. that I'm sorry.. I know made a mistake.. not one but many.. and I'm sorry.. for all of them.. for everytime I hurt you because I couldn't realise what I felt for you.. I'm sorry for everytime I made you feel like you were a nobody.. Nandini you were always everything to me.. from the day you stepped into my life... You've been all that I think of.. my life always revolved around you.. and I know it now.. I probably knew it then too but I was too reluctant to admit it.. Nandini maine apni feelings.. apne emotions kahi daba diye the.. long time ago.. and I just couldn't find my way back to them.. no matter how much I wanted to.."he went on but I was dazed. My eyes had stuck to him the moment he had apologized for the first time in his speech. This wasn't the Manik I'd left a year ago. That Manik would never apologize even if he knew in all his heart and mind that he was wrong. Cabir was right, he had changed. He was apologizing, accepting, admitting his mistakes and not making excuses or giving justifications for his mistakes like he used to a year ago. Alot had really changed in this one year and in the moment I knew I was in for a lot more than just old explanations.