Parineeta

back to being Me

"Nandini, how d'you feel?" I heard his face from somewhere in the pit of the darkness that surrounded me.
"How do think I feel?"I retorted my voice breaking.
"Broken? Betrayed? Lost? Again? I thought we were done with this?" I could feel the mocking tone he ever so nonchalantly held. How could he be so uncaring to me? And where was he?
"Where are you? What do you want from me? Why can't you just leave me alone?" I screamed trying to shut out as much of his voice out of my head as I could.
"I did leave you alone Nandini, for a whole year, I did, or maybe you did. You ran away. From me. From all of us. I just told you what I want from you, didn't I? I told you I wanted you to hear me out but you didn't. You ran away. Again. Just like you always did. First when we got married, you tried to run away from the marriage, your feelings and even our friendship, then you tried to run away all of us. And what do you mean where am I? I'm here. In your head. Where you've always kept me. Isn't it? Can't stay with me, won't listen to me but you can't even let me go" the next thing I heard was his monstrous laughter echoing in my head, like a surround sound system. My head throbbed with pain as his vicious laughter grew louder and louder.
"Shut up, just shut up, just...."
..
"..Madam.. madam.. uthiye! Kyu chilla rhi hai. Aap nashe mei toh nahi hai?" My eyes flung open as I looked around and tried to understand where I was.
"Mai.." I looked for words as I gathered my surroundings. I looked up at the man standing over me and almost immediately backed into the seat of the car.
"Aap theek toh hai?" The guy asked me and I held head trying to remember what was happening. "Aapka ghar aa gaya hai.. mai aapko itni der se uthane ki koshish kar raha hu par aap uth hi nai rahi thi.. please jaldi kariye madam.. late ho gaya hai mujhe bhi ghar jaana hai" the guy kept on talking and I so felt the urge to stuff his mouth with something to stop him from talking but instead I just nodded my dizzy head and got out of the cab.
"Sorry bhaiya.. aur thankyou.. yeh lijiye" I handed the fare and walked towards the gate of the Murthy mansion as everything from the night came rushing back to me. The engagement, Manik, his sick girlfriend, Nyonika maa, Alya and all of their words, his words, his voice.
I pushed the gates open and saw Maddy's car parked quite differently, like he'd parked it in a hurry. I walked past the car with slow steps, my legs still paining, I felt like I could fall any minute.
"You can do it Nandini" I gave myself a little boost and kept walking towards the slightly open door of the mansion. It was surprising how everything looked like it was done in a hurry. I wondered what was Maddy upto.
As I entered the house I noticed a suitcase Exactly a few metres away from the door.
"Maddy.." I called out to which he appeared almost immediately as if he'd waiting desperately for me.
"What the hell Nandini. I've been calling you for so long, where's your phone? Listen, I need to go back to NY, Soha got into an accident. Its not major but I need to be there with her." He rattled as if he was running short of breath but all I could here was 'Soha had an accident'
"What?" I screamed. My brain seemed to have stopped processing things anymore.

How bad could this night get, aur kya bacha hai aiyappa

It was getting too much for me to handle and I felt like I could pass out any minute but now was not the time. Soha needed us. I couldn't let this happen.
I gathered every bit of energy and looked back at Madhyam who looked like he was in his last hour. His clock seemed to be ticking. His disheveled hair, broken sad eyes screamed that he needed to get out of here.
"Maddy I'll come with you" I said as I walked past him in a hurry to go grab my stuff.
"I don't have time Nandini, I need to go. And you should stay. For Alya's wedding. I don't want people to say that you ran away again. I want you to confront them, show them you're ad strong as you always showed them you were. Just stay and attend all of the functions. I'll call you if we need something and I'll try my best to come back as soon as possible, with Soha. But right now I need to know how amd where she is."
He said all of it in a breath. I looked at him unclear of what to say. Did he also think that I ran away from everything. And Everything that I had probably dreamt of in the cab, Manik's words and his sarcarm, everything came rushing back to me. It rang in my head  like church bells making me dizzy again.
I had noticed how Maddy did not mention me even once when he said he had to go see Soha. I mean I know he and Soha were friends even before I went to NY to be with them, but she was my best friend too. They were my only friends back in NY and right now he was just acting like it didn't matter to me how Soha was as much as it mattered to him.

Can you stop making everything about yourself. Stop being so selfish.

I didn't even understand, how I'd changed so much. How Everytime I managed to make everything about me. It was all his fault. Manik why did you have to put into this position.
"Maddy.." I said softly but he seemed to be already knowing what I was gonna say.
"Nandu please.. You have to stay. Mai Navya ko call karke bata dunga. Please go and have some rest and I'll call you once I see Soha."he cut me mid and I nodded sloppily and looked away. I did not want him to go. I did not want to be left alone. It was like living the life that I was living a year ago, all over again. So many people, yet nobody for me.
"Okay but please..." I looked back but Maddy was already gone. He left. Like everybody.
What is up with you nandini? Why are you behaving like this? You're being vulnerable again. You can't do that. If not for Manik, not even for anybody else. You can't be comfortable with people staying with you because you know everyone leaves. And its okay. Stop sulking and get yourself together.
I shrugged my shoulders trying to wipe off everything of this night out of my mind. I walked towards the door closed it and walked upto my room, my shoulders dropped. I needed a hot shower to calm myself and relax my nerves afterall I had to deal with the next few days alone and I couldn't let my vulnerability get the worst of me. Not here. Not now. I couldn't let anyone know that I wasn't as strong as I potrayed to be. I had to get back to being Me!
...
Okay so here's your new update. And I'll be completing parineeta first and then get back to the rest of the books dheere dheere. But guys we are like a family of 1.74k and I don't even know who y'all are. Come on lets talk discuss on plots. Follow me on my instagram handle @srishtiiii_16_ and let me know, I'll be watching, let's spread all over, and spread love.
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