Parineeta

The Letter!

Manik:
It's been a whole day and I haven't heard a word from her and even though I told her it was going to be her decision, a part of me hoped her decision would favour me, I hoped she'd give me another chance, she'd give us another chance. And although even alittle bit of this feeling made me feel guilty because it would be unfair to her after whatever she's gone through in all those years.. whatever I put her through in all those years, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to know what she had decided. I was feeling desperate as to whatever our future would look like, if it'd be any different from how it's been or we'll go right back to where we were sometime back.
I had finally managed to motivate myself to get ready after hours of overthinking about what she'd be doing, what decision she'd be taking. I had honestly lost all interest in going to the function but these functions were kind of my only hope and my only chance of having a life with her. And the fact that I couldn't give up any chance life threw at me at having Nandini back was motivating enough that I finally decided to get ready.
I for the first time in the whole day went out of my room but it didn't feel like anything changed. It's like Nobody even noticed I wasn't around the whole day. Not even Medha. Which was strange but I guess that's what happens when the daughter meets her mother. She forgets dad. Damn it!
I walked straight to Medha's room to find Mom busy styling Medha while she happily babbled on about stuff I bet mom didn't understand but both of them looked happy and contented in each other's company. I decided not to bother them. My next destination looked like Nandini's room but I had to get a grip over myself. I couldn't be looking like I was forcing her to take a decision which she probably already had but if she hadn't I would sure look like I was pressuring.
I decided against what my heart wanted for this once. I wanted to give her the space that she deserved while still hoping that I could get another.
I walked back to my room and chose to get dressed for the cocktail slash bachelor party Dhruv had planned to throw for Alya. I found it weird for the groom to be throwing a bachelor party when that's what friends do for the bride and groom respectively. I remembered asking Dhruv why he was planning for the bachelor party when it should've been us, his friends and Alya's friends to throw it and what he told was the most cliche thing I'd ever heard but the most romantic as well.
"Bro... I mean I know thorha cliche hai.. but I want Alya to feel every transition, every  moment that this is the best thing that's ever happened to me..."Dhruv had said.
"Haan toh I mean she knows it already, right? You guys have been together for a whole year... And you're still so in love... Yeh night toh teri aur Alya ki as an individual.. as a bachelor last night hogi.. toh why do you want..."I'd started but Dhruv cut me mid sentence.
"Exactly bro.. hum dono ki as an individual... Bachelor... Aur... As a boyfriend and girlfriend... Aaj last day hai jab mai Alya ko apni girlfriend ki tarah introduce kar paunga... And I want her to know how special she is for me... I want her to see this transition from a girlfriend to a fiance and then to a wife with me... Alag toh sab apna bachelorhood celebrate karte hai... Aur agar yeh arranged marriage hoti toh it would've even made sense... But hum dono.. we love each other alot... And I want to be with her at every point of this journey when she feels that things could be or would change..."Dhruv had explained and in an instant I felt like I was talking to Nandini. She also always wanted to make every moment special and she knew how to do it. Suddenly everything that Dhruv had said started to make sense. Its not just about functions, it's about making the person you love feel special, feel like they're the best thing to have happened to you. I had always known how deeply Dhruv felt for Alya but that day I realised how pure his love for her was and I had secretly wished I could have even half of what they had, only if Nandini returned, only if she came back to me.
Everyday in the last one year was like a new day of realisation of how much I loved Nandini and how incomplete I was without her. Everyday that I used to see Alya and Dhruv together, both of them doing the smallest of things for each other to make each other feel important, I used to have the urge to do things like that for Nandini, tell her everyday of this life how much I loved her, make her feel special, treat her like she always treated me, like a priority but she wasn't there and today when she is actually here, I can't do anything about it because I don't know how she feels about me, about us.
I chuck my thoughts and try to busy myself with getting ready so as to avoid getting into my feelings and sulk about how things could've been better had I not been so stupid and arrogant.
I keep my clothes orderly on the bed, that's another habit I picked up over the year since Nandini never liked how I used to move around in the room in my towel looking for clothes to wear for college. I did sometimes wonder if that was because it made me irresistible to her when I was in that condition but again I remember that day when we were in the bathroom and she told me she'd seen Maddy in a towel too and he was better than me. It struck how I never had the chance to ask her about that again but if things went down as I wished I'd be able to ask her soon.
I jumped into the shower wondering what outfit Nandini would be wearing and if by any chance we could be in the same color, although I picked up all our favourite colors for her but I forgot about the colors I had in my wardrobe for the function so it seemed like odd chance.
It took about twenty minutes for the cold water to calm anxious nerves and I couldn't believe how worked up I was. For the Manik Malhotra I was a year ago this would've been so strange, to feel all these emotions, the anxiety, the hesitation, the overthinking. But over the course time I became so used to it that to not have a second thoughts, or anxiety felt strange. I wiped and covered myself with a towel and came into my room but a weird calmness engulfed me. It felt like I was in a different room altogether. I could smell a lavender perfume and feel a familiar presence. It was as if somebody had come in. I stood still at the bathroom with my eyes closed, trying to recognise that feeling and in an instant I saw Nandini's face in front of my eyes. I could feel a soft smile play on my lips. I tried to open my eyes but it seemed like they were to scared to lose sight of her. I forced myself to acknowledge my surroundings. I opened my eyes and took small steps in the directions that I could feel Nandini. She'd come into my room when I was in the shower. A sudden panick started seeping into me as I wondered if she was here to talk to me and I missed her because I was in the shower. I hated myself in the moment, I hated my decision of taking a shower that long when I could've done it quicker and get tonsee her. I wondered why she was here, what did she wanna say, was she leaving again, did she think I did not deserve another chance. Why didn't she wait for me to come out.
I cursed myself a million times as I traced her essence back to my bed where I'd kept my clothes. I had to get dressed and go see her before I lose my only chance of having her back. I wanted to know why she came, did she finally decide what she wanted to do, what she wanted us to be.
I hurriedly picked up my clothes and got dressed.

I rushed to the dressing table to brush my wet hair in a presentable manner. I was about to pick up the bottle of perfume when my eyes caught on to a folded piece of paper. It was strange since I did not have it earlier. I picked it up and there was Manik written on one side of it. I recognised the handwriting within seconds. It was the same handwriting that used to write me notes during school days when I used to be fast asleep. It was hers. I remembered when on a few days I used to come back from school and fall asleep while I waited for her to come to meet me. She never used to wake me up, instead write me notes, about things that she'd wanna tell me, and sometimes asking me to call her because she had a lot to talk about.
I unfolded the paper and it seemed like it was a letter. I just hoped it wasn't a letter she'd written before she'd left forever. I was scared to read it, but I knew I had to.