𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝔂 *{𝓐 𝓙𝓸𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓻 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂}*

November

(Joyce's POV)

"WILL!" Her dream-self called out into the empty Upside Down. She knew it was all a dream, but her heart raced, and her breathing had quickly become uneven
Suddenly, she saw Will being torn to shreds by a monster
"WILL!" She screamed in horror
Quickly, her dream shifted to Hopper, the day he almost died
"HOPPER!" She screamed as the Russian machine closed

"Hey, hey, I'm here." Hopper whispered into her ear, holding her against his chest, trying to sooth her, "Nightmare?"
"Yes." She sobbed out
"Hey, you're okay. We're all safe." Hopper whispered in her ear, "I love you."
"I love you too." She mumbled, trying to wipe her tears
After her tears dried up, Hopper asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah." She muttered, tired and just wanting to go back to bed
"Okay, I'll let you sleep sweetheart." Hopper kissed her on the forehead, then fell back to sleep. Her, it took her an hour to fall asleep cause every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was her loved ones dying

When she woke up, she noticed Hopper wasn't lying next to her. She started to stress, but then she realized he was already awake, and he was looking around the room panic
"Hop? Are you okay?" She sat up, worried about her boyfriend
"I can't find my gun. Have you seen it?" Hopper asked
Actually, yes, she did know where it was
"No." She lied. Yes, she had hid his gun. She was too scared. She couldn't lose him again
"Well, guess I can't work on that case today..." Hopper muttered, a sad and worried look on his face, which made her feel guilty, but then remembered why she was hiding it. She couldn't lose him. Not again.
As she, Hop, and the kids had breakfast together, she started to feel guilty, but not for the reason you'd think
You could've saved him. You could've done something. You should've been stronger.
"Hey, you okay?" Hopper took her hand, his and the kids eyes on her, which made her nervous
"Y-Y-Yeah! I-I'm f-fine." She muttered
"Are you su-"
"I'm fine, James." She snapped at Hopper, and then didn't talk to him until after dropping the kids off at school
"Sorry." She muttered, "I didn't mean to snap."
"It's fine." Hopper smiled at her, "But really, you have seemed off for a while. Are you okay?"
"Yes." She lied
After Hopper dropped off her at work, she could barely pay attention to the work she was doing, her chest tight and her body shaking for no reason
Worthless. You could've saved him. Hopper doesn't want you
"Joyce?"
"AH!" She jumped back, the realized it was just Karen, "Oh, hey."
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yes! Why in god's name is everyone asking me that!" She snapped, then realized what she had done, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry."
"It's fine." Karen smiled, "How've you been?"
"Okay." She lied
"Did you hear that the mall-"
Suddenly, the image of Hopper sadly smiling at her as she had to turn off the Russian machine flashed before her eyes
"Joyce? Oh god, Joyce? What's wrong?"
She realized she had collapsed on the floor and had begun to cry
"N-Nothing." She sat back up awkwardly
"Joyce, do I need to call the chief?"
"No!" She exclaimed, then got quiet, "I-I'm really fine-I don't want him to worry."
"Joyce-"
"I'm fine. Really." She reassured Karen, faking a smile
After Karen left, she continued to fail at focusing on her work and trying to shove the bad thoughts out of her head
Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a serious-looking man in a jean jacket and black shirt, which reminded her too much of the Russian that had chased her and Hopper across two states, she had to run to the bathroom before she had another attack. What was wrong with her? This had never happened before. Sure, she had nightmares with Will and Bob, but nothing like this.

(Hopper's POV)

As he continued with paperwork as he had been doing for that last few hours, he thought about Joyce. What was going on with her? She had been acting strange for a while, but this is the strangest she's ever acted. Was something wrong? Had he screwed up and now she was trying to break up with him? He had no idea
Luckily, he saw that it was Joyce's lunch break, so he grabbed his food and went over to Melvands
"Joycie!" He smiled and kissed her on the cheek
"Hey Hopper." Joyce muttered, looking at her work
"You okay?" He asked, worried about her
"Yeah....Sorry-just-work as usual." Joyce said, then looked up, "Lunch?"
"Yep."
After they found a seat outside, he held Joyce's hand as they ate
"How's your day been?" He asked her, trying to strike up a conversation
"Good." Joyce said quietly. Then, as he was staring into her magnificent eyes, he noticed they were really red, like she had been crying
"Hey, are you okay?" He squeezed her hand, "Your eyes are red, almost like you were crying."
"Oh!" She wiped her eyes, "Yeah-No-I-I'm fine, just my eyes we-were a little itchy, that's all."
She was lying. He could tell. But, he didn't say anything.
After the rest of that slightly awkward lunch, he kissed Joyce on the lips and said, "Well, I should probably be going back."
"Please stay." Joyce begged
"Sorry, paperwork. Wish I could stay though." He smiled, kissing her again, "Pick you up at 4?"
"Yep." Joyce said, half-smiling for some reason, but he pushed that out of his head
He spent the rest of the day working and thinking about Joyce. Something was off, but he didn't know what! Was it his fault? What in god's name was going on?
Finally, the clock stuck four, and he was out of there quicker than lighting during a violent storm, quickly dashing to Melvands
"He-" He smiled, then noticed Joyce wasn't where she usually was.
He began to panic as usual when he couldn't find his tiny girlfriend and began to look everywhere until he found her coming out of the bathroom
"Oh thank god! I was so worried!" He exclaimed, going to kiss her
"Jesus, I'm fine." Joyce walked past him
Ignoring that that kinda stung, he asked, "Ready to go?"
"Yeah." Joyce said, walking out with him, him holding her hand
"I love you." He gushed over her as they drove to the school to pick up the kids
"Love you too." Joyce shot him a smile, then went back to driving
For the rest of the day, he kept a close eye on Joyce just to see if anything new happened, and there was a few things. It was the same stuff as earlier, plus her being really jumpy, and once almost having a panic attack right in front of him. What was going on?
"Hop? Can I talk to you?" Joyce asked him after dinner
"Y-Yeah." He said nervously
He followed Joyce to their bedroom, then she pulled something out from under their bed
"My gun! How did you know it was there?" He smiled, happy he could finally get back onto the field
"I-" Joyce let out a tear, "I hid it."
"Wait-Why?" He asked. Okay, this was strange. This was really strange
"I-I didn't want you getting hurt!" Joyce exclaimed, now full-on crying
"Hey, hey." He pulled her into a hug, "It's okay. Please just don't hide my stuff again."
"I-I won't." She choked out into his chest, him holding Joyce closer

(Joyce's POV)

As she laid awake at night, not able to sleep, her mind cluttered with thoughts
You shouldn't have given him his gun back. He's gonna die because of you. No one loves you. You're worthless. You're ugly. It should've been you who died.
Trying to make the voices stop, she inched out of her position as the little spoon, Hopper still asleep, snuck to the bathroom, and cut her arm just enough so it would just bleed and wouldn't do anything else. It felt oddly good, so she did it again, and then again, and then again until there were five small but bleeding cuts on her arm.
She smiled to herself, then suddenly remembered who was in the other room, and tried to fix her mess
You deserved it
Cleaning up the cuts, she went back to bed, only for her to only get 3 hours of sleep
"Joyce. Joycieeee." She was woken up by Hopper, his blue eyes staring at her
"What?" She muttered, having barely any sleep on her side
"Time to get up." He smiled
"Ugh..." She flopped on to her stomach, "I don't wanna!"
"Joyce, we have to go to work." Hopper reminded her
"Fine..." She muttered after a few minutes
"Here." Hopper tossed her some clothes, "Oh, did you hear about the mall-?"
Suddenly, just like yesterday, she had another flashback
"Joyce? Sweetie? What's wrong?" When she snapped back to reality, Hopper was holding her in his arms, and her eyes were wet
"N-Nothing, I-I just thought of-"
"O-Oh. Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." He apologized
"No-It's fine." She smiled
As they made breakfast after getting the kids up, Hopper asked, "Hey, what happened to your wrist?"
She quickly covered the bandage, "Nothing. I fell."
"Oh, you okay?"
"Yep." She lied, hoping he wouldn't bring it up again, and he didn't, until they were driving to work
"Are you sure you should go to work?"
"Yes, I'm fine!" She snapped
"I-I'm just-"
"Worried? Jim, I'm an adult, you don't always have to put yourself in danger for me!" She snapped at him again
"Joyce-I-I never-"
"I-I'm just scared. I'm scared that I'll lose you again-and-I-I don't know what's going on with me..." She choked out
"Hey-" Hopper squeezed her hand, "It's okay. You won't lose me."
"I wish I could believe you, I-I just can't.." She mumbled
"I'll convince you that you can believe me." Hopper kissed her on the forehead, "I love you."
"Love you too.." She shot him a smile, but then looked back down, sure he was just lying
After Hopper dropped her off at work, she started to feel tired, probably cause of her lack of sleep, but then, someone came to wake her up
"Hey Joycie!" Hopper kissed her on the cheek
"Shouldn't you be at work?" She teased him
"Eh, it's just all boring. I'd rather be with you." He smiled
"Hop." She gave him a stern look, then laughed, and sat next to him on the counter
"Hey, you okay? You look sleepy." Hopper noted
"Yeah, I'm..."
Then, she fell over, and blacked out

(Hopper's POV)

"Joyce!" He jumped off the counter and rushed to his unconscious girlfriend. He touched the side of her head, and felt blood
"Chief? What-" Her boss asked him
"Call an ambulance." He told Donald, which he did quickly
When the ambulance arrived, a doctor asked him, "Sir, can you tell us what happened?"
"I-We were just talking, then she just fell over and passed out, and her head started to bleed."
"That sounds like she might have a concussion. Are you her friend or-"
"I'm her boyfriend."
"Okay, well come with us."
He sat in the back of the ambulance as he watched doctors take care of his unconscious Joycie, tears in his eyes. Something was off with his girlfriend, but he couldn't figure out what or why! He couldn't even look at her body without sobbing
When they got to the hospital, Joyce was taken to a room while he had to sit in the waiting room.
The kids. Oh god, the kids. He had no idea if Joyce was even alive, and her certainly did not know how the kids would react!
"Chief Hopper? Are you the boyfriend of Mrs. Byers?" A doctor asked him, holding papers
"Yes. Is she okay?"
"She's in a stable condition, but not awake. Would you like to come with me?"
He followed the doctor to a room, and saw Joyce hooked up to medical machines, lightly breathing.
"She suffered from a pretty bad hit to the head. Luckily, you were there, or she might not have made it." The doctor told him, "She should wake up in a day or so, but there may be side effects."
After the doctor stopped drowning on about stuff that didn't really matter like paperwork and crap, he sat next to Joyce, barely able to hold his tears back, which he did not try to do.
"Joyce...." He sobbed, holding her hand, "I'm sorry. I should've saved you."
After the doctors had to practically pry him away from Joyce so that they could make sure she was actually still alive, even though her heart was still beating, he had no idea what to do. Even though it was only 12:30 PM, and that the kids still had school, he knew he had to tell them sooner rather than later, so he called the high school
"Hello, Hawkins High School." A secretary picked up on the other line
"Hi, this is the chief-Uh-I need to pick up Will Byers, Jonathan Byers, and Jane Hopper." He told them
"Yes, of course." The secretary agreed, then hung up
Driving quickly to Hawkins High (and probably going over the speed limit, but that didn't matter), he skidded to a break and basically ripped the doors off their frames
"Dad? Why are you here?" Will asked, confused
"Hey! Sorry, finally here-" Jonathan came running, papers falling from his bag, "What's going on?"
"I'll explain in the car." He told them, trying not to break down crying in their school with their teachers nearby
When the kids climbed into the car, they asked again, "What's going on?"
"Look-Your mom is in the-hospital." He choked out
"What?! What happened?" El asked
"She passed out at work and hit her head." He said, not looking at them so they didn't see him crying
"I-Is she alive?" Will asked nervously, his voice in a quiver
"Yes, but-" He couldn't continue, and just started crying
"Sorry, it's been a rough day." He apologized
"Don't apologize, dad." Jonathan smiled, then went back to looking as if it were his mom's funeral (which he prayed to god it wouldn't be)
Quickly driving back to the hospital, he broke yet another rule (as one does), even though they tried to say that only two people at a time, he quickly explained that they were her kids, and just waltzed right into Joyce's room
"Mom!" Will exclaimed, tears in his and his siblings eyes
"W-What is all this?" El asked about the medical appliances
"It's to make sure her hearts still beating and stuff like that." He explained, though he wished he didn't have to. He wished Joyce never were even hooked up to those things, that she was still awake and smiling
"Dad?" Only then did he realized he had been staring off, and had started to cry again
"Yeah, still here." He smiled at them to try and make him and them feel better, but it didn't work
He spent the next few hours going back and forth from stress pacing, helping the kids with some homework, and holding Joyce hand until he noticed something
"Wait-guys-I think she might be waking up." He told the kids, who were still doing homework
"Wait, really?" The kids rushed over just in time to see Joyce's breath get steadier and her eyes start to open
Without thinking, he hugged her quickly, "Joyce! You're awake!"
"Who the hell are you?!" Joyce pushed him off her, "Who the hell are you guys? Where the hell am I?"
Confused, he said, "Joyce. It's me. Remember?"
"No. Who are you?" Joyce asked, looking actually baffled and wondering what was going on
"It's me. Your boyfriend. Jim Hopper?" He tried to bring back some memory
"I have a boyfriend?"
"Um-How about them?" He brought the kids forwards again, "Do you remember them?"
"No...what's going on?" Joyce asked again. Oh god, something was really wrong
"Jonathan, get a doctor." He told his oldest son, which Jonathan quickly did
When the doctor finally came, he examined Joyce, pulled him outside, and told him, "Sir, your girlfriend seems to have amnesia. You said she can't remember anything?"
"Nothing."
"Yep, definitely amnesia. She should be okay, but if she doesn't get at least a little memory back soon, then there's a chance she might not heal."
He went back into Joyce's room, trying to not cry
"What's wrong with her?" El asked
"Your mom has amnesia. She can't remember anything." He tried to explain, beginning to cry
"Will she heal?" Jonathan asked, cautiously hopeful
"Maybe, but there's a chance she won't." He choked out
"Can someone explain what's going on?" Joyce asked, still confused
"Okay, Joyce," He tried not to cry as he began, "You hit your head at work, and now you can't remember anything."
"Yeah, no duh, but who are any of you?"
"Oh-yeah-these are your kids-" He pointed to Will and Jonathan, "And this is our adopted daughter, El."
He went on to explain her entire life, though he didn't remember too much of it, cause most of the time he was not there, but the kids helped too
By the time he was done, Joyce and the kids were getting sleepy, so on instinct, he leaned it to give her a kiss
"Can you not?" Joyce asked
"W-What?" He pulled away. He had explained everything to her, including their relationship, so this didn't make too much sense
"I know you say you're my boyfriend, but I don't remember you, so don't kiss me."
Heartbroken, he agreed and let her sleep, beginning to cry again
"Are you okay, Dad?" Will asked, a worried look on his face
"Y-Yeah..." He lied, wiping his eyes, then turned to Jonathan, "Can you take Will and El home? I'm going to stay here."
"Yeah." Jonathan agreed, tears still staining his skin
"She'll be okay." He tried to make them feel better, but it was hard when he didn't even believe the words he was saying
When the kids left, he stared at Joyce and prayed, "Please, God, let her be okay. I don't know what I would do without her."
He slouched in a chair, and after an hour of backpain, he fell asleep, trying not to cry in his sleep

"Sir?"
When he woke up, a nurse was standing in front of him
"Sorry, I fell asleep." He muttered
"It's fine, sir, but we're gonna need you to leave for now. We need to examine Mrs. Byers."
"Okay.." He muttered, grabbed his stuff, and drove home
"Hey dad!" Jonathan said, feeding El and Will
"Hey." He smiled
"Is mom any better?" El asked, a hopeful look in her and her brothers eyes
"I-I don't know. They kicked me out before she woke up."
"Oh."
After Jonathan left to drop off Will and El, he went to work
"Hey chief!" Flo smiled at him, but then her expression changed, "What's wrong?"
"J-Joyce's in the hospital." He muttered, trying not to cry for the millionth time
"I'm sorry, chief." Flo shot him a sympathetic look
"It's fine." He lied, not wanting anyone to worry, "Is there any work?"
"A case." Flo tossed him a file, "Just- try not to stress."
Yeah, like he could do that.
He flipped through the file, then went to work with the other officers
"Hey chief." Powell said when he showed up
"Hey." He muttered, trying to focus on work for the day
He couldn't have felt better when he was able to go to the hospital to see Joyce
"Hi." He knocked on Joyce's hospital room door
"Hey." Joyce shot him a smile, which meant things were getting a little better
"Do you remember anything more?" He asked, sitting down next to her
"A little bit. I have some weird memories. What are demo-dogs?"
He sighed, "Well, it's kinda complicated..."
He tried to explain the last few years of insanity, and when he finished, she just stared
"I mean, it's not THAT insane." She said, somehow believing him
"Wait-so-you believe me?"
"Of course. I mean, you don't look like you're joking, so.."
"I'm not." He said, then asked her, "Anything else you remember?"
"No, not much. A little, but not really."
For the next hour or so, he stayed by her bed, trying to see if anything he showed her or told her triggered any memory, but only with one photo did that plan work
"Okay, I gotta go pick up the kids-"
"Will, Jonathan, and El, right?"
"Yep." He smiled, glad she at least remembered something, then left to get the kids
When he arrived at the school, the kids were already waiting outside, and he watched as they waved by to their friends and crawled into the car
"How's mom?" Will asked, the same hopeful tone in his voice as this morning
"A little better." He said, sad that he had to disappoint his kids with the news, but there wasn't much he could do besides stay by Joyce's side while she healed
"Can we go see her?" El asked
"Yes, don't worry." He shot them a quick smile, then drove them to the hospital
"We're back....!" He announced when he opened the door again to Joyce's room
"Hey." Joyce shot them all a quick smile
"Wait-did you tell her-?" Jonathan began to ask
"Yeah. She got a few memories of that time back, so I had to." He explained
"Really?! She got some memories back?!" Jonathan exclaimed, an astounded look on his face, "That's great!"
He watched as the kids talked to their mom, smiling, but still feeling bad. It should've been him, not her. He missed the old Joyce, the Joyce he wasn't sure he would ever get back
"You okay, dad?" El asked him, a worried look on the poor teenager's face, looking as if the world's stresses was laid on her shoulders at the moment. To be fair, he felt the same way.
"Yeah." He lied and shot her a smile. He didn't want to lie, especially not to his kids, but if he told them what he was really thinking, he might start crying

(Joyce's POV)

When Joyce woke up one day, she suddenly remembered everything. She finally knew who she was again
She had only a blurred memory of what happened since she hit her head, so she was slightly confused when she stirred in a hospital room, the walls and practically everything around her white, and defiantly not the slightly dirty, old Melvands.
"Hello?" She called out, and only mere seconds later, a nurse rushed in
"You're awake, good." The nurse showed a sweet smile towards her, as most nurses did to their patients, "Do you remember anything more today?"
"Yes! Where's my boyfriend?" She asked in a confused panic. She had some fuzzy memory of Hopper being here and trying to get her to remember something, but it was too blurry to tell if that had just been a dream or not
"Oh dear. I better call him." The nurse said quickly, then rushed out of the room, leaving her confused and hooked up to medical gear, which was tracking her heart race and breathing
A few minutes later, Hopper rushed in
"Ho-!"
Before she could even finish with a sentence, Hopper began to drill her
"What year did we first meet?"
"1956."
"What nickname did I give you?"
"Joycie."
"What's my nickname?"
"Hop."
"What's your daughter's full name?"
"Jane Hopper." She answered, then asked, "What's this for again?"
"Oh thank Jesus! You finally remember!" Hopper hugged her tightly, a few tears leaking from the corners of his eyes
"What-What happened, exactly?"
"Well, you hit your head, and couldn't remember much for about 2 weeks now. Do you remember that?"
"A little, but it's blurry." She tried to explain, "Where are the kids?"
"At school." Hopper quickly brushed off, then asked, "Can we talk?"
Nervous, she answered, "Sure."
Since the doctors weren't in the room, Hop began
"Joyce, I-I'm really worried about you. I think something's going on."
"Yeah, well, no duh, cause I kinda forgot everything for a while." She chuckled, then did a double back, "Too soon?"
"Kinda."
"Sorry."
Hop went on, "Not like that, I mean you might have some sort of mental illness. My best guess is PTSD, but I arranged for a phycologist to talk to you, if that's okay."
"Yeah." She agreed. She knew something was wrong, and now that she thought of it, PTSD would make sense, but she still agreed anyway just in case it was something else
After the phycologist came and asked Hopper a few questions, he left so it was just her and the doctor
"Has anything traumatic happened in the last year or so?"
"Yes, actually."
"Have you had any sort of flashbacks, nightmares, or anything different with your sleep?"
"Yes."
"Have you been having trouble eating?"
"No." She responded, wondering how that had to do with anything
"Have you felt lonely, like no one understands what you're going through?"
"A bit."
"Do you ever have panic attacks?"
"Yes."
"Have you or a family member ever been diagnosed with anxiety?"
"Yes, me and some of my family."
After they went through a few more similar questions, the doctor called Hopper back in
"Do you have any idea what might be wrong?" He asked, holding her hand, looking both scared and hopeful at the same time, if that was even possible
"Yes. All the signs point to PTSD, so I'm going to prescribe some medicine that should help, and therapy is also a solution. If you have any concerns, please make sure to reach out to us."
When the doctor left to grab a prescription, she shot Hop a smile
"Do you feel better, now knowing what's going on?" Hopper asked her, smiling back in his usual manner
"Yeah, a lot better." She confirmed, and she could feel that feeling of dread and guilt slowly chip away, even if it were just a small bit, it was still getting better already