Honey Magazine/My Sweet Proposal: Todo Masaya

Chapter 3.6

(I can't get comfortable...)

On the way back to the hotel, Masaya has been holding my hand the entire time.

Feeling the sweat form between our hands, it feels as thought we're melting into one.

It still doesn't feel like we're any closer to the hotel.

(Was it really that far away...?)

Feeling the heat from our two bodies, I grip harder.

Only our hands are touching, but why does such a small amount of warmth confuse me so much?

...I want him to touch me even more, but I'm also a little afraid of what might happen.

I'm feeling lost, stuck in these contradictory feelings.

Masaya "Hey..."

Kana "Yes?"

Masaya "Your hand is really sweaty."

Kana "!"

Kana "B-Because I'm nervous!"

(It's your fault for telling me that you wanted to touch me...)

Masaya "If you want to let go, you can you know."

Kana "Oh..."

Masaya "If you're that nervous, I feel kind of bad. So just do as you'd like."

Kana "...I'm not going to let go."

Masaya "Why?"

Kana "...Why? Because...Uh...I want to hold on a little bit longer."

Masaya "Is that so? Interesting..."

Kana "What's that supposed to mean?"

Masaya "Nothing in particular."

As I pondered the likelihood that he's making fun of me, he suddenly stops walking.

And when he turns to me, a youthful, boyish smile is displayed on his face.

Masaya "Then let's keep walking a little longer."

Kana "Oh, sure..."

The path on which he takes me is not that of the hotel.

And as we walk along it, the sound of the waves intensifies, as if inviting us closer.

Kana "Masaya..."

Masaya "It's better than going to hotel directly, don't you think?"

Still hand in hand, we walk slowly on the sandy beach.

The only sound I hear being the sound of the crashing waves and our steps in the sand...and the beating of my heart.

(Why...?)

Although the ocean breeze is fresh and pleasant, my face and my body are hot and tense.

All because of this man at my side.

(Being on the beach at night like this...with nothing but moonlight to illuminate our indistinct silhouettes...It's almost like the touch of his hand in mine has...intensified.)

Kana "The ocean is quiet, huh..."

Masaya "Yeah, you're right."

My attempt at conversation fails and an embarrassing silence falls on us again.

Masaya laughs seeing me like this.

Masaya "Are you that nervous? Walking with me like this. You always seem fine when we're together normally."

Kana "Well, right now, we're completely alone..."

Masaya "We've been alone before, silly."

(Yeah, but this is different.)

Being together at the ocean like this, at night, definitely changes things.

The words I know I could have said during the light of the day get trapped in my throat.

I'm sure I'm the only one feeling this way though.

Also, that I'm the only one getting excited by his touch.

(Why did he say that he took my hand because he wanted to touch me...)

Every time I think about it, my chest tightens.

As of now, Masaya knows nothing.

What I feel by standing beside him...

What feelings I have when he holds my hand...

At this point, I'm sure that he'll never understand.

(Oh god, I really need to gather myself...)

I've been thinking about it since we were on the observation deck.

I mull over those thoughts over and over again.

If only the sound of the waves could soothe my heart.