Melodramatic Metathesiophobe

Stopping

Ray couldn't tell him. He'd made that promise. He wouldn't do that. As much as it hurt, as much as his head was pounding, as much as his body ached and sagged and his mind cried for sleep, he couldn't say it. He wanted to tell Mikey, he wanted to spill it all, but he just couldn't. Mikey would think he was crazy. He'd get freaked out and run away. He'd call Ray a monster and phone the police and they'd take him and put him on a table and cut him open to see what made him like this. He couldn't have that happen.

"Ray, hey, stop crying, okay?" Mikey soothed a hand over his back and he jerked under the touch, writhing whenever Mikey's fingers got too close to the start of his tail, "just breathe, please, why can't you tell me...? What's stopping you...?"

Ray gulped, rubbing his face on Mikey's shoulder to clear his tears, taking a deep breath. "You'll think I'm insane."

"I will not think you're crazy," Mikey scoffed, but Ray shook his head.

"I didn't say crazy. I said insane."

"Raymond. I will not think you're insane. It can't be any worse than the time you thought our cats could teleport just because there's more than one grey tabby in the neighborhood."

"I thought I told you to forget about that."

"You're changing the subject. Tell me. Now."

"This is a little different than cats." Ray muttered under his breath.

"meow meow" Mikey seemed to be mocking him.

"Mikey, shut up"

"Fine. Bark bark then"

"Closer." Ray whispered, and the confused face Mikey gave was acceptable.

"Closer? What do you mean closer? What does barking have to do with what's going on with you??" He pulled out of the hug a little despite Ray's reluctance, "you got a dog?"

"No," Ray sighed, staring down at his lap, "Mikey? What do you think of vampires?"
"I think it's a dumb change of subject," Mikey mumbled, "why?"

"Answer the question please," Ray looked up with the best sad face he could manage. Which was very good all things considered.

"I mean I guess they're cool, sucks you wouldn't be able to go out in the sun though," Mikey sighed and shrugged, "I don't know, they're interesting movie monsters and I like to call Gerard one to make fun of him?"

"Mm. Do you think they're real?"

"No. Ray, so help me if you're getting into conspiracy theories-"

"No. Just listen. Now what about werewolves?"

"They've terrified me ever since I was a kid??" Mikey shrugged again, "where are you going with this?"

Ray ignored his last question. "Do you think they're real?"

"I used to, I guess? Dad used to tease me and pretend that I had to lock my windows on full moons," his face had gotten more and more confused.

"Did you ever think it was more than just teasing?"

"Sometimes, but I've learned," Mikey sighed, "Ray, get to the point please, if you're seeing things then you should probably get more sleep," he took off his glasses and cleaned them slowly.

"Well... I just... I guess-" Ray was cut off by Mikey's phone ringing. He picked it up and answered, talking to someone who Ray assumed was Gerard, and then hung up.

"Sorry, Ray, I have to get home," Mikey stood with a sigh, "talk to me later, okay? Call me, I'll be free in a couple hours."

"Wait, what- Mikey, wait," Ray didn't make an effort to stand, unable to hide his tail without pants, "where are you going? Why?"

"Bunny ran off and Gerard managed to mess up the lock in the door. It was bound to happen someday, what with the fact that that door is falling apart, but- I'll come back later, okay? I promise, I just can't lose Bunny,"

"...okay...." but Mikey was out the door before Ray even finished talking. "..bye.." he said into the emptiness of his room.

He was alone again with his pain.

He should have just told him.

-------------------------------------------------------

Those couple hours before Mikey returned felt like forever. Ray barely managed to get himself out of bed, his whole body achy and roughed up, covered in small scratches and scrapes he assumed were from branches. He took a shower to clean the dirt from various places, including under his nails, and had an internal argument of whether he could use human shampoo on a wolf tail. He decided he'd try.

One thought he was trying to keep out was the one about what he'd done last night. It was good for his sanity to think that the blood on his nails and fingers was his own. Another thought he was trying even harder to keep down was the fact that he was no longer a human. He appeared that way, outwardly, and he still looked like himself--at least he mostly did--but inside he wasn't. He was no longer safe to be around on certain nights. He was no longer normal. He had the whole capacity to end lives. He didn't want to, but judging by the loss of consciousness and lapse of memory, he didn't have much of a choice. What was he supposed to do? What could he do? Was there a cure? Who could he ask? Who could he tell? Where could he go? And possibly the most and also least realistic, was he liable for his actions if he wasn't conscious?

He supposed liabilities didn't really apply to supernatural beings.

Being partially wolf was on his mind more than anything. He had become a wolf. Or he'd looked like one. He didn't know of any species with curly, dark brown fur, but his best assumption was that he wasn't completely wolf. There was a human in there too, and the werewolf bit most likely played off his human genes. It wasn't like there was an exact science behind this sort of thing, so he was left to guess.
Even if Mikey understood, even if Mikey didn't run off screaming 'monster', would he still accept him? Would he still accept that Ray was himself under all of it? Would Mikey still be able to accept that Ray was human, even after seeing him on the next full moon, should he decide to stay? Would he see what Ray became and run away? Would he see what Ray had been trying to hide and decide that it was too much to deal with? Too much to still be able to consider Ray a friend? And would he take Gerard with him, leaving Ray alone aside from the band? Would he tell the band? Would they find out?
He decided that was enough thinking. He just started on making sandwiches for when Mikey came over. He was tired and hungry.