Outside of Fear

Chapter Twenty-One

Meredith takes one last look at the framed pictures of her friends, biting back the tears at the sight of George O'Malley. She tries to imprint this photo of him into her head, so she'll remember him like this instead of the horrifying flesh remains she keeps seeing in her dreams.

She turns away and heads back to the table, meeting Derek's bright gaze from across the room. He offers a smile and begins to meet her halfway. He extends a hand, silently asking for a dance. Meredith smiles, grief fading and being replaced with the strange warmth that always fills her when she's around her boyfriend.

Just as she's about to reach a hand out to take his, a tight grasp on her arm jerks her body backward. Before she can breathe, there are lips on hers and a tongue trying to gain access to her mouth.

Panicking, Meredith pushes her assailant away roughly, stumbling back. On instinct, she reaches to the side of her leg where her gun holster should be. But there's no gun. 

Her vision blurs slightly and she braces herself on a chair, trying to regain some composure.

"Death, are you okay?"

She would recognize that Australian-hinted accent anywhere. 

"Give me a minute, Nathan." Meredith holds up a hand to stop him from coming any closer to her, avoiding his gaze. It takes a minute, but her heart rate slows enough for her to stand shakily. "What the hell?"

Major Nathan Riggs blinks, stepping back. "What?"

"God, you should know not to come up behind someone and pull them like that. Were you trying to throw me into a PTSD flashback where I might end up punching you out?" Anger seeps through her tone and she takes an aggressive stance.

Nathan drops his gaze, realizing his mistake. 

"And then you kiss me? I have a boyfriend! He's right there! What is wrong with you?" Meredith's voice raises, and she's practically shouting at him now.

"I was expecting you to be happy to see me. You and I both know how we left things." Nathan defends himself, though in shock from her reaction to his presence.

Derek, watching the scene from a few feet away finally snaps out of his daze and moves to quickly place himself between Meredith and the other Marine, who he's figured out is Nathan Riggs. 

"Get out of the way Derek, I can handle this myself. Let me just-" Meredith tries to push past him, voice vicious. 

He stops her with an arm around her waist. People have begun to stare, and Nathan is silent, almost afraid. 

"How about we go outside for some air?" He suggests, moving his lips to her ear so only she can hear the suggestion. 

Meredith doesn't turn her sharp gaze away from Nathan, even as Derek gently pulls her out of the room. When the doors swing shut behind them, he heads towards outside, but she pulls away.

The anger is gone. Completely. Now, she just feels guilt.

"What did I just do?"

Derek offers her a tiny half-smile. "Lost your shit at Nathan Riggs."

The uniform hat is long gone, but she pulls off her gloves and clutches them tightly in her hand. "Goddamnit."

"To be fair, if you hadn't, I probably would have."

His attempt to make her laugh fails, and he realizes this is more serious than he thought.

"Derek," she whispers, leaning against the cool tile wall and sinking down to the floor, knees at her chest. The movement causes pain to shoot through Meredith's whole body, but she doesn't care. "I lost control of myself. My emotions. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing- I couldn't stop myself."