Outside of Fear

Chapter Six

"Do you have a laptop I can use?" Meredith demands from her bed as soon as Derek opens the door to her room. A week after the incident with the storm, it hasn't changed their relationship at all, in fact, it had made it stronger. They both felt more comfortable with each other.

She has also managed to shower, though the process was completely exhausting and humiliating, even with the help of Cristina. 

"What?" He cocks an eyebrow and approaches her bedside, checking her stats.

"I need a laptop. Your hospital sucks."

"You can't say that, this hospital is a palace compared to your tents in Afghanistan." He fires back.

"At least my tents were efficient and effective."

"Are you saying this hospital isn't?"

"Yes." She replies confidently.

Derek laughs lightly, letting her have the win of their daily banter. "Why do you need a laptop?"

"The TV gets like, three channels."

"And you need my laptop because...?"

"Because my unit got back to the states today and their award ceremony is being streamed, but this crap hospital doesn't get the channel." She says, her voice quieter now, causing Derek to stop and study her.

"Your unit?"

"I was flown back here weeks ago because I was blown up. My unit remained in Iraq under my next-in-command until they finished their deployment. The deployment which USMC ended early two days ago, so they're all back, and they're all getting awards."

"And you're not?" He frowns, for some reason feeling slightly angry.

"I can't leave this hospital. No award ceremony for me." She shrugs, clearly trying to play it off but Derek can sense her disappointment.

"I'll get you my laptop. After you let me check your incisions."

She rolls her eyes and lifts up the hospital gown covering her beaten abdomen. He continues his work in silence, noticing how she averts her eyes from the injured area.

"Surely if your whole unit is getting an award, you'll get one too." He prompts.

"In the explosion," she starts quietly, and Derek stops, ready to listen to what she's saying, "Everything was blown up. Not just me. I was injured, but the Hellfire middle was dropped into the medical tent. It wasn't an accident. But I was the only doctor severely injured because I was in the tent, while the rest of my team was outside receiving a humvee with more soldiers in it."

Derek sits at the edge of the bed, deciding he'll finish the post-op check later. He watches Meredith, taking in the glazed, far-off look to her eyes as she speaks.

"As soon as my people realized what happened they went into triage mode and saved three of the critical soldiers we had there and myself, which is a lot speaking in military terms. Twenty of our patients died, twenty-two Marines in the base on top of that. My team's all getting Combat Actions."

She snaps back to the present, making eye contact with Derek. Meredith searches him for any type of reaction.

"Wow," He breathes. She chuckles lightly, wincing in pain.

"You can't even imagine what it's like over there."

"You're right, I can't. It's just surreal. You sign up for that?"

"I've dedicated seven years of my life to that. It's everything I've ever worked for."

"Don't you have a Combat Action already?"