Outside of Fear

Chapter Thirty-Two

"I'll meet you there in a few hours, okay? Leave. Let me sleep."

Derek chuckles, finishing styling his hair in the mirror. He turns to face his girlfriend, still half-asleep and curled in bed with Bella.

"Fine. I'll see you at ten when your shift starts. Don't be late." He stifles a yawn as he walks out of the room, smiling at Meredith's incoherent response to his words. Derek's shift starts at six in the morning today, so he's heading in way earlier than Meredith on both of their first days back.

He knows how hard it's been for her to sleep, so he leaves as quietly as possible, feeling the usual worry settle in his chest as he walks out the door and into his car. Every time he leaves her alone, he feels like something bad is going to happen to Meredith. Maybe it's paranoia- it probably is- but he can't control it.

Since the night she nearly suffocated herself because of a night terror so bad, he can't shake it. If he's not sleeping in the same bed as her, it feels off. He shakes his head, clearing those thoughts from his head as he starts his drive to work.

Derek's tired, too. A few nights a week, he wakes up to her thrashing, yelling, crying, or panicking in the middle of the night. They've fallen into the routine where he comforts her, and sometimes she goes back to sleep in his arms. But most of the time, they sit together in the dark; both too afraid to go back to sleep.

He's lacking in sleep, but he's never going to tell her that. She feels horrible enough about her PTSD without worrying about him. At least she went to therapy.

Even though the support group isn't exactly what he had in mind, it's better than nothing. And the previous night, when he had picked her up from a diner, she had hugged another woman before leaving.

Meredith made a friend, hopefully, someone who can help her. Derek's grateful for at least that.

As Derek pulls into the hospital parking lot, it's almost eerie how empty it all seems. Of course, he knows that after a mass shooting they're not going to have as many patients as usual for a while, but he didn't expect there to be none.

Sighing, he heads up to his office, only to be stopped by the rumbling voice he knows so well.

"You've got that glow."

"What?" Derek turns to face Mark Sloan, who is leaning against the doorframe of his own office, smirking at Derek in the hall.

"You're finally getting laid. Is GI Jane cleared? Or are you breaking the rules?" Mark wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Kinky."

"Oh my God," Derek groans, continuing down the hall to his office. Of course, Mark follows.

"C'mon, it's been so long since you got some. I was starting to think I'd have to send a bunch of nurses to fawn all over you."

"Are you serious?"

Mark shrugs, feigning innocence. "It wouldn't take much to convince them."

Setting his briefcase down and hauling his body into the chair behind his desk, Derek crosses his arms over his chest and narrows his eyes at Mark.

"You're not going to let this go until you get details, are you?"

Giving him a cocky smile, Mark shuts the door and settles onto Derek's couch, prompting him to continue with a raised brow.

"Fine. Yes, we...or, I have been getting some," Derek chokes out. "She's not cleared, so technically I haven't broken any rules."

Mark releases a deep belly laugh, taking so much joy in seeing Derek flushed and embarrassed.