Outside of Fear

Chapter Nine

"So, this won't make me sick or loopy or anything, right?"

Derek chuckles. "Nope. It feels normal but...I don't know, fresher."

Meredith nods. "We should take the bandages off, right?"

He moves to her side. Meredith is sitting on a gurney in the hyperbaric chamber, for the first time in a very long time, she feels slight nerves rolling in her stomach. The door closes as Derek pulls on a pair of gloves to lift up her gown and remove the gauze bandages covering the nasty wounds marring her midsection. The chamber begins to pressurize, and she sucks in a breath, eyes glued to her own body.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing that. It-it doesn't even feel like my body." She starts softly, shifting painfully slowly to her side so the oxygen can reach her back and front sides.

"Do the scars bother you?" Derek takes a seat in one of the chairs on the side, tilting his head slightly at her as Mark's words echo through his head. Mark, one of the best plastic surgeons in the world could probably do something about that.

"I don't know, kind of. My other scars don't, but for some reason these do."

His curiosity spikes at other scars but he doesn't want to push her on them. The last time he asked about a scar she nearly ripped open her incision in a panic attack. "You've heard the name Mark Sloan?"

"That plastic surgeon from New York?"

"Yeah, he's the head of the department here now. He's like a brother to me, actually."

"Seriously? You never mentioned that."

He shrugs.

"Maybe...maybe he could come look at them sometime. I mean, it's obviously too early to do anything about this one-" she gestures to the biggest jagged cut through her midsection that has barely begun to heal, "-but the ones from surgeries, maybe."

"He'll be really happy to hear that, believe me." Derek chuckles. As the chamber reaches its full capacity, they fall into a comfortable silence, Meredith soaking in the pure oxygen.

Earlier...

"So...you were married." Meredith nods slowly, taking in the information.

"I...I honestly don't know why I told you that..." Derek sucks in a breath, hoping that this fact doesn't change their relationship, whatever it is.

"Thank you for telling me."

"You're not mad or anything?"

"Everyone has a past. Yours just so happens to be an ex-wife."

"You don't want any details?" Derek is in awe. Anyone he'd told about his divorce before had pressed and pressed for information and taken sides.

"Not unless you want to share them. It's personal, I get it."

He blinks. Now, he wants to tell her more. For some strange reason.

"Addison and I were together for eleven years. Married in med school. The first few years were great. We were happy, we wanted a family and everything but we were both just starting out and our careers got in the way. Once they took off, we stopped having so much time together. I loved her, I did, but looking back now I realize our marriage was over long before we signed the papers." When he opens his mouth, the words come pouring out.

Meredith nods, saying nothing. It makes her feel all warm inside that he's willing to share this with her.

"I got home from work early one day and...I found Addison in our bed with one of my coworkers. One of my closest friends. That...that was when I brought up divorce. She fought me on it. I almost forgave her, but she admitted it wasn't just a one-time thing. It had been happening for months. She had an affair."