Outside of Fear

Chapter Twenty-Nine

In one second, all the anger and confusion piling up from the day vanish from Meredith's body. Her breath catches in her throat as she turns to meet the gaze of her boyfriend.

He looks just as shocked that he just said that as she is.

She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. The silence that settles over them is uncertain and heavy.

"Damn it- okay," Derek mutters under his breath before walking closer to Meredith. He's had more than enough scotch, but somehow, his thoughts are coming fast and clear. "I love you. Meredith, I'm so, so in love with you. I...I don't think I could live without you. And I almost had to. I know, it's selfish. But the thought of you getting hurt...leaving me...and, it being my fault..."

He trails off, shaking his head. Meredith fights back tears, and a big, dopey smile takes over her lips.

"You love me?"

He hesitantly meets her gaze. "I do."

Meredith takes a deep breath before grabbing his arm and pulling his body close to hers. "I love you, too."

Derek's eyes widen in shock, and a smile appears on his face as well. "You do?"

"I do," she nods.

In that second, the rest of the world falls away as their lips meet. Passionately, heatedly. Their kisses are usually intense, leaving both of them wanting more. But this is different. The warm, fluttery feeling growing so intensely in both of them simply makes the kiss that much better.

Leaning into his touch, Meredith's heart does flip-flops, buzzing with amazement and excitement. She smiles into Derek's lips at this, and he smiles back before pushing her body back until she collides with the refrigerator door. The pain barely registers in Meredith's mind as she grasps at his shoulders, wanting more.

Derek can't keep his body away from her. The gentle curves of her hips and chest enchant him, and he lets his hands wander. One supports her back as the other moves to her breast. As soon as he touches her, even through her shirt, Meredith elicits a low moan that only makes him want her more.

He drops his head, allowing Meredith to tilt hers back as he moves his lips down her neck, trailing light kisses down and around her collarbone, her shoulders.

She moans again, arching her chest into him. Derek feels his throbbing need between his legs, and it hits him.

She's still recovering from surgery.

They can't have sex.

Against every single one of his desires, he pulls back, both of them panting. Derek still supports her, and she clutches his shoulders, legs almost too weak to support her own weight.

"We can't..." he whispers huskily.

Meredith groans, this time in frustration and annoyance. "I know."

Slowly, he moves away from her, but his hardon doesn't get the message that it's not happening. Meredith's gaze falls to his crotch then moves back to his face, a knowing smirk playing at her lips.

"I- uh, I think, I'm just gonna...yeah, I'm gonna shower. I need a shower. I'll just- uh, I'll be back."

Meredith laughs loudly at his stuttering, and he moves as quickly as possible with the steady tent in his pants to the shower in his bathroom.

She doesn't move from her spot against the fridge as she watches him walk away. She shifts uncomfortably, the fire burning between her own legs is hard to ignore.