Outside of Fear

Chapter Eight

"Sorry. Oh God, I-I'm so sorry."

"Meredith, are you okay?"

She swallows thickly, swiping hair off her forehead. She's in a cold sweat, out of breath on the brink of a panic. "You-you asked about the scar, on my neck."

Derek shifts in the bed next to her, blinking sleep from his eyes. He, too, had passed out next to Meredith, only to be awakened by her gasping for air and increased heart rate.

"I just...I dreamed about it," she glances around the room, speaking softly, "someone came up behind me and held a knife to my throat. He-he wanted...information...on a more recent mission."

"Someone did that to you?" Derek pulls back to study her, horrified at the thought of someone threatening to kill her and leaving a scar like that.

"Yeah."

"Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere or-"

"I'm fine." She answers quickly. "I just need to collect myself."

He gets the hint and moves out of the bed, leaving the room. "I'll get you a water or something."

She nods, closing her eyes and trying to control her breathing. The amount of stories she has from seven entire years in the military is insurmountable. How many damn ones is she going to relive in her dreams? 

It's ten at night, they had been asleep for almost two hours. Derek's shift must be over by now. Meredith burns with embarrassment as she slowly gets out of bed and moves to the bathroom attached to her room.

Every day she's been doing physical therapy with Megan, so she can move relatively well on her own.

Hopefully, she'll be discharged soon, and if Meredith is being honest with herself, she's not sure how she's going to do completely on her own.

The colonel puts her hands on the sink, letting it take some of her weight as she avoids looking at herself in the mirror. Grabbing a paper towel, she wets it and wipes the cold sweat from her face and neck, now turning to rest her back against the sink.

She hears footsteps and straightens up, relaxing again when she meets the concerned blue eyes belonging to her surgeon. He wordlessly hands her a bottle of water, which she gratefully accepts and chugs half of.

After a long minute of silence, they make eye contact again.

"Can I do anything? Or call Cristina or Alex or Teddy or..." Derek starts.

She licks her lips, embarrassed. "Maybe...maybe it would be best if you went home. I-I mean, your shift probably ended hours ago anyway." She replies quietly.

A pang of hurt shoots through Derek at the realization that she's kicking him out. But he doesn't want to argue with her, he can tell she's in a fragile state both physically and mentally already. So, he nods and slowly turns and leaves the room.

"Oh! Ha! You owe me ten bucks!" Meredith announces, smacking her card down and drawing Teddy's stack towards her.

"Damn it! How do you always win this frickin' game?" The blonde major grumbles, rolling her eyes.

"The real question is why are you so bad? We've both been playing Spades for years."

"Shut up! You seem to forget I was more of a poker gal."

"Uh, you seemed to like smoking more than anything in Afghanistan."

"It calmed my nerves!" Her voice raises a pitch in defense, "and it's not like I still do it."

"Another round?" Meredith offers, pulling the deck of cards into her hands and beginning to shuffle. It's the morning following her nightmare, and she hasn't seen Derek since the previous night. Meredith never went back to sleep and Teddy came to visit late in the day with a deck of cards, so the two women had been playing. Spades is one of the USMC's favorite card games.