Outside of Fear

Chapter Sixteen

Derek yells for a defibrillator, and one is quickly placed by him. He sets it up while Meredith watches in silence, heart pounding in her chest.

Five minutes later, two paramedics run in with a stretcher, but everyone in Ellis's room is sitting in a heavy silence.

"You need to take her to the hospital to officially call time of death," Derek says quietly. The nursing home staff have disappeared, and Meredith sits on the floor, leaning against the wall, completely unaware of what is happening.

The paramedics load Ellis onto the stretcher, and one asks, "Would you like to ride to the hospital with us?"

When Meredith doesn't respond, Derek nudges her gently. She snaps out of her daze and he helps her to her feet. "I'll come."

Meredith walks slowly behind the paramedics, and Derek interlaces his hand with hers. He had debated this move for a moment but eventually decided she needs all the support she can get. "I'm going to drive to the hospital. I'll see you there, okay?"

She nods, and he presses a light kiss to her temple before helping her into the back of the ambulance with the paramedics. When the doors slam shut and the red vehicle pulls away, he climbs into his car to follow.

At the hospital, Ellis is brought into a trauma room, and Meredith stands in the waiting area, watching the ER move around her. Derek finds her quickly and moves to her side. Even at this time of night- one in the morning- it's alive with patients and doctors.

Without a second thought, Meredith lays her head on his shoulder, their fingers intertwining again. Ten minutes pass, and finally, Owen Hunt comes out of the trauma room and heads towards them, looking defeated.

"We did everything we could but...she was just too far gone. We couldn't get her back. I'm so sorry, Meredith." Owen says, deciding that he can use her first name in a time like this.

Meredith straightens, pressing her lips together. "Thank you, Owen. Dismissed."

"My mother is dead," Meredith says numbly an hour later.

"It's the time we've been fighting for years. You got to see her, right?" Cristina speaks up from beside her.

"Like, four times. Seven years. I went nearly a decade and...then I saw her four times, for the total of three hours, probably. And then she died."

"Mer, you gotta answer these questions," Alex says gently, holding out a clipboard and pen.

Meredith is sitting in Derek's arms in one of the staff lounges at Seattle Grace. Alex stands in front of them, Cristina sitting next to them.

"She wanted to be cremated. You can't donate her organs because of the sepsis, so just cremate her." Meredith replies to Alex, not looking in the direction of the papers. Ellis's liver failure had caused an infection, which had spread to the rest of her organs, causing sepsis, which led to them failing and her heart stopping.

"You need to sign the papers," Derek whispers gently into her ear. She knows his dad died when he was young. Derek understands the pain of losing a parent.

Meredith snatches the clipboard from Alex, scribbling her signature in multiple places without even reading it, then hands it back to him.

A pager beeps, and every doctor looks at theirs. "Damn it, it's me. You gonna be okay?" Alex says, addressing Meredith.

The blonde shrugs, but motions for him to leave. He hands the clipboard to Cristina, silently telling the cardio surgeon to do what needs to be done with Ellis's body so Meredith doesn't have to worry about it. She nods, and Alex leaves the room.