Lisa's confessions

Chapter 2

Billie Eilish- when the party's over

Don't you know I'm no good for you
I've learnt to lose you can't afford to
Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'
But nothin' ever stops you leavin'

Quiet when I'm comin' home I'm on my own
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

Don't you know too much already
I'll only hurt you if you let me
Call me friend but keep me closer(call me back)
And I'll call you when the party's over

Quiet when I'm comin' home I'm on my own
And I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

But nothin' is better sometimes
Once we've both said our goodbyes
Let's just let it go
Let me let you go

Quiet when I'm comin' home I'm on my own
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that.

I scurry with a sense of urgency. Like I have somewhere important to be. The sun is scorching hot. I'm sweating like a porous pitcher. I'm going to the one place where I feel alive and zestful. Where I can scream and shout with no one to hear me. Montrose corner. I get there and settle on top of a large rock.

I look above the clouds letting the tears flow. Like a river flowing down my cheeks. I cry a million tears of new born babies. Like raindrops on a windowpane. I think of the phrase Jesus recited at his breaking point. "Eli , Eli, lama sabachtani." Which means "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me." I repeat that sentence, with my voice breaking.

Sihle triggered wounds I thought I had healed from. I curse the day I intertwined my body and soul with that old bald, dirty rotten, two inches long looking dick. "So so stchupid Lisa!" I say slapping my head.

I cry till I feel satisfied. "Lisa, no need to be sentimental about this. It's been a year since you left him, you have to forget about it!" I keep repeating those words to myself till my tears run dry. I take out the rolled up blunt from my bag and just the smell of it gets me excited.

It's hysterically funny that I do Life Science and ignore what I'm being taught about the dangers of doing drugs. I even pass the subject well. I look at my weed, playing with it, having second thoughts. Is he worth it? Is he worth wasting my life and damaging my brain? Sigh.

Me: "Okay maybe this one last time, then I'll stop." I say to myself.

I smoke to escape from this planet. Going to Pluto maybe. Just to tell them the bull I go through and hope to see them again. With the inhale of pleasure and exhale of an orgasm. See what I did there? LOL. I feel....good. I start laughing at how I just cried, how stupid.

I tilt my wrist, looking at my watch to check the time. Shit! It's 18:00pm. I have to rush home. I'm still in uniform, can you believe it? I dust my tunic and stretch my body. I hurry up walking down the dusty roads of Pimville. Ignoring any greetings from thirsty men. I'm wearing school uniform for fucks sake! Passing those slanderous old women who have nothing better to do with their lives. Avoiding them by all means. I reach my house and I release a huge sigh. My mom's car is here. This can't be good.

I stroll slowly, my mind debating on an excuse I'm going to use to escape from her wrath. Socks is not running to me today...he's probably sleeping. I already find myself at my doorstep and my breathing escalates. I'm laughing in my head but my heart is boxing against my chest.