Badboy and the emo reunite (BXB)

24

"I'm leaving, I'm working 2 more after this one then I'm gone. I'm going for good and I'm not coming back."

F.D. And Redhead were shocked, they were very upset actually. I guess they really did grow to like me, like I did to them.

"Well, we're gonna miss you, but we're glad you're able to get out. You're still younger than us, you have time to finish up the teenage year," F.D. says giving me a smile. I nod and return the jester.

"Big Boss is gonna miss you that's for sure."

"Maybe, but I can tell you for sure that I'm not gonna miss him," I chuckle. "But I will miss our team. The next 2 will be solo missions, so I won't be seeing you again."

"You know we can't keep contact once you leave?"

"I know," I nod slowly. "Y'all can live without me until you quit. You better stay alive."

"Then, maybe we'll see you again in the future," F.D. gives a hopeful smile.

"Until Ginger leaves he's gonna be in charge, again. Then you two can fight amongst yourselves."

"I can't believe you'll be leaving for good now," Red shakes his head "What'd Big Boss think about the news?"

"You know, he didn't like it. Got a little controlling, so I shut it down and said it straight. Plus, I just had a big target in my back, it's best I go. I'm still young, I need to live, I feel like I'm 40."

"I take full offense to that," Ginger claps me on the back.

I really will miss this little group.

"Y'all should leave too, get out of here. It's never too late."

"You're too kind, but don't say that in front of Boss. He would lose his shit if all of us left. He'd have to find a new group."

"I think he could handle it, he has his ways."

"Well, boys," I smile, "2 more weeks with y'all. What do you say, should we get going?"

They pause for a minute, and soon enough we start heading up the stairs for our next mission.

—

"My anxiety's gotten much worse, Dr.Black, I feel fucking hopeless. Seeing my uncle locked away helped a little, but I can't handle anyone coming up behind me, I've wiped around a few times and almost actually punched people. I feel like a monster, my emotions and thoughts can't be controlled anymore. I wanna give up."

"What you are feeling is valid, it's okay to have these feelings. It may feel as if right now you are not in control of your own life, but you chose to come and see me today, meaning you have the power to do what's best for you. All these thoughts and actions are because of PTSD, your night terrors are because of your PTSD, and all of this is because of PTSD. You've seen how you've recovered from the accident, you can recover from this too. When you get startled like that, can you tell me what you're feeling?"

"I'm scared. If someone comes up behind me, I feel like it's my uncle about to hit me in the back of the head with a bat."

"What are you thinking, do you even think anything?"

"Sometimes I'll think, sometimes I'll just go into fight or flight. When I do think, it's "Jason's back" "I'm about to get hit" things like that. When I don't, I normally go into a fight. There's been a few times where I've gone into flight."

"When someone does cause that trauma to come back, how long does the startled feeling last?"

"Sometimes just a few seconds, and sometimes it can last a half hour."

"Will it make you anxious after, are you jumpy for a while? How often does this happen?"

—

"One more rep, you got this Zane," Gavin says. I'm at physical therapy.

"Stop calling them reps; it's weird," I say and sit back up. I was just on my back, doing a rowing motion with my leg, working my shot thigh.

"Oh shut up you baby," he shakes his head. "This is what you get,"

"Excuse you," I sit up. "I didn't want to get kidnapped by my shit-faced uncle."

"So that's what happened?" Cam asks, sitting next to me.

"Yup."

"Why didn't you tell me? And you would think the news would hear about it?"

"I kept it out of the media, I didn't want some people finding out about it. It's fine, and I'm recovering. See, do I look dead to you?"

He shakes his head, then asks why I didn't tell him again. I said it was because I don't like pity, but really isn't because I still can't talk much about it without panicking. I end the conversation there and head to the next exercise.

Gavin won't let me work out until I've done the exercises, so I want to get it over with. I keep my eyes on Chance; he's doing the same thing as me but a little different.

"Why does your uncle hate you?"

I breathe heavily. I can't blame Cam, he's curious. He finds my past mysterious because I don't share it.

"Hey, go work out somewhere else. You and your questions are pissing me off."

I look at Chance shocked. He just told someone to fuck off. I'm proud.

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

"You did."

Cameron stands up, I don't want to see them fight. "Cam, stop," I lay my hand on his shoulder. "Chance, thank you but I can fend for myself. Cam, I don't like to talk about my bio family, especially my uncle. I'd much rather talk about my actual family, the one I'm blessed with now."

Change doesn't react, cam sits down quietly. Gavin looks impressed with how I handled them fighting this time. I shake my head looking at Gavin and start the exercises again.

"Okay, so let me know about your family now," cam says sitting back down next to me. I smile at how persistent he is. "Or tell me about your work? I just want to know you."

"I know. I work at an alternative store in the mall," I send a wink his way. I can't talk about my real job.

"How'd you get-" I cut him off.

"You've met my brother, I also have 2 adoptive parents, whom I consider my mom and dad. I have a grandfather and a grandmother who live in a different state, we visit sometimes. Everyone in my family loves me and accepts me for me. And that's a basic sum up," I sit up again. "Gavin, can I please fucking work out now?"

He lets me, cam spots me while I do. I'm focused on my boxing, cam being my hands guide. He's very helpful when it comes to this. Gavin spots Chance as he's on the bench. I am as careful as possible with my arm that's the one thing I worry about most. My leg and thigh are fine, yeah I had a bullet in the thigh, but my arm never completely healed from the slashing.

"How did you go to the hospital and not get questions?" Cam whispers.

I take a pause.

"I didn't go to the hospital," I take off the gloves, take him over to the bench, and unravel the wrap. "My ex stitched me up. They've done it before."

The stitches are out, but it's still red and flakes, I have to put Vaseline on it continuously. I also don't want it to scar so I put on this stretch mark lotion thing for pregnant women, it works wonders.

"And he knew?"

"He figured out when he was stitching me."

"How'd he react?"

"Awful, but it was cute. He was pissy at first, then... then. We had the best night, that was... hopeful. It gave me hope, hope that my life could be normal."

Cam grabs my hand.

"Some people aren't meant to be normal."