Badboy and the emo reunite (BXB)

Chapter 8: Reconciliation

"So, Shane, how have you been? Parents, aunt, your cousin, Gill, and Sammy; everything." Sara asks handing me an iced green tea, I thank her with a hug.

"I've been okay, Umm, I'm dating, a nice guy named Jay, and I've been living with him for a few months..." They look surprised but just nod and smile. "Umm, my mom and dad are okay, still live in that "way too large for 2 people house", but they are well. My aunt is doing well, still the principal, we talk shut all the time about the kids that still go there," I laugh and Sara laughs with me. "And my little cousin is very well; we both are happy Zanes is back. And, Gill is transgender. He got his name changed to Gabe. Sammy helped him pick it out, and Sammy is doing well too. They live together now, thankfully."

I haven't used Gabe's dead name since he came out, so I felt like shit saying it. But, I had to let them know who Gabe was before the name change so they would know. They don't need to know about Sammy's dad being locked up.

"Oh wow, we missed a lot with Gabe and Sammy huh?" Chance asks and I nod with a smile.

"So, how long have you and Jay been together?" Will asks. I feel weird talking about my new boyfriend in front of my ex's parents.

"Well, a little after graduation. So, it hasn't been that long. He and I used to be good friends, but then something happened and it just stopped. I met Zane, and he and I got together, then when we finally put the breakup label up, I decided to break down the wall between Jay and me. We were close friends again for months, then he decided to just go ahead and ask. We've been pretty well since then," now stop talking about my new boyfriend with my ex, who claims he still loves me, in the same house.

"That's great. As long as you are happy we are happy for you. You know we still consider you family, Zane does too. So, please, feel free to come over whenever. We miss your company," Zane's mom pulls me into a bear hug.

"Thank you thank you," I sigh into the hug, feeling calm wash over me. "How have you all been doing?" I ask when we break apart.

-

I sit on Zane's bed, he sits next to me.

"Are you okay?" He nods. "Zane, you're scaring me. You're too quiet."

He stays silent and just looks at the wall. I grab his hand. "Sorry," he mumbles. "Just thinking..."

"Talk to me."

He finally looks at me, he looks hurt. "I thought I could trust him. I knew he liked me in high school, but then he started dating so I thought it was okay to live at his place. They broke up, and he didn't seem hurt at all, he seemed happy. I didn't understand, because it seemed like they were close, but I didn't question; it wasn't my place to question. I wish I knew he still liked me, I could've stopped this from happening."

I lay my head on his shoulder, then remember what just happened to him so I quickly let go of him. He pulls me into a hug, I hug back glad that he's okay with me touching him.

"You wouldn't hurt me, I know you," he says into my shoulder. "Thank you."

I rub his back, he hangs onto me as if he lets go I'll disappear.

"I'm here for you, no worries."

"Yeah, so am I."

-

We are lying on the grass in his backyard, staring up at the sky with our sunglasses on.

"If only it was night; this brings back memories," I start.

"The day-night you came out."

"The night we-" I stop myself.

The night we said "I love you" to each other.

"Yeah, that was an amazing night."

"Nope, pizza night was the best," I say and feel my face get hot, and not because of the sun. 

We were both depressed and in need of comfort, so it was a date night. His family was all out, and we bought some pizza, watched a movie, and halfway through we just stopped the movie and talked. We both took the next step, and one thing led to another, I gave my first time to him. He was sweet; he told me it wasn't his first and was sorry. But, he was so sweet. He was gentle and kind, telling me he loved me, I was gorgeous, I was his everything. I fully believed him, and I still do. And I told him I loved him, and he was my everything. God, I was so happy. I have never been happier in my life. I miss that happiness, the constant grinning and laughing, so much my face hurt every time I'd go home to frown again. 

He smiled, remembering that night too, nodding along. He moved closer, I leaned closer. I wanted to, not because of instinct.

"Did you remember anything from last night once I told you?"

"Yup."

"How much?" I ask cautiously.

"Yes."

I wince and sit up, he shoots up next to me. I lean on him, and he wraps his arm around me and rests it on my shoulder. This isn't us, what happened to the waist holding, the making out in the empty classroom, or the late-night dates? Oh, yeah, I moved on! I was stupid and moved on!

"I should've waited!" I yell at myself and pull my legs to my chest. I wrap my arms around them and shove my head between them.

"Shane?"

"I should've waited; waited for you to come back. But no! I was so fucking impatient! I needed help, I needed someone to hug, pretend it was you, and hope it was you, but it wasn't you. I was so fucking lonely."

I hear him shift, then he's opposite of me. He pulls me over and hugs me. I let down my legs and move forward a little so we are hip to hip, I wrap my arms around him and lay my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I couldn't just listen to you and wait. I could've waited. If I waited you and I would be okay together, you wouldn't have had that happen, we'd be happy together."

"It's okay. We can be happy together, as friends, Shane. I was prepared. I'm happy you moved on-"

"But I'm not happy about it!" I blurt and cry.

"What? I thought you were happy with Jay, what happened?"

"Nothing happened, nothing except you showing up. You showed up, and it made me realize I wish we were together still, I want us to be together still. I miss having you, I've always wanted you since we broke up. It's only been you, you are all I want."

He moves me back a little and looks at me with his eyes wide. "Do you mean this?"

"Yes, yes I mean it."

"Okay," he trails off looking at the ground, then he looks back up at me. "We'll figure it out... okay?"

I nod. We inch forward, and both of us know what we're going to do right now. And even though I want to kiss him, so damn bad, I pull him into a hug instead.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his skin.

"Okay, it's okay, Shane."

Nothing feels okay, nothing feels right.