always // lrh

Good Enough

Having a hugely tall boyfriend had its disadvantages and advantages. I liked it when he had to bend down or pick me up so we could kiss. Or the fact that my head rested on his chest perfectly. That he could hold me in his embrace, how his body just engulfed mine so swiftly and just like that I was safe. I was at home. 

“You don’t have to slouch that low Luke” I giggled. “I just want you to be able to like rest your head on my shoulder” he blushed shyly, not moving his position. Luke and I were at a drive-in cinema, sitting in the trunk of Luke’s car with a few pillows and a blanket with us. I liked it, as cliche as it was, it was cozy and it felt nice. “I’m not that short, you know” I scrunched up my face in embarrassment. “I’m like a foot taller than you” he wrapped his arm sheepishly around my shoulder pulling me closer to his body. “It’s very cute” his voice seemed to drop into a lower tone which gave me chills. “Mhm, is it really?” the bridge of my nose brushed against his.

Just like that, before the movie even started. Luke and I were in the back of his brothers truck, making out. His body topping mine, arms wrapped cautiously around me. His hands wandering all over, making me shudder. The way he kissed me, the way he reacted when I kissed him, made me feel so alive.

“This movie is such a chick flick” Luke groaned after it ended. “You fucking teared up at the end of it” I stuck my tongue out teasingly before taking a sip out of my second bottle of beer. I was beginning to feel kind of tipsy, and all I really wanted to do right now was kiss Luke. Like ever.

My legs wrapped around his torso as his hands grazed against my thigh. Our lips never even parted, like we didn’t need to breathe, all we needed was each other. Luke held my back against the wall, pressing up his chest to mine, before we both clumsily fell onto his bed. His body towering over mine. I took a second to admire him. He was everything I could ever want in a person. You could see it through his eyes and his smile and the way his body moved when he took a deep breath. The way his lip quivered when I kissed his neck and how hard he shut his eyes whenever I whispered into his ear. The way his lips felt against my skin. The way his arms perfectly interlocked with mine. It was like we completed each other. And in those few moments, I realized that not only did I love this boy. I was oh so madly in love with him, that I wanted to feel everything with him, absolutely everything. 

“We can’t- uh- do this” Luke backed away, his eyes turning way. “Wha- wait what?” I gulped. Was I not good enough? I wasn’t that experienced.. maybe that was it? “I want this with you” I took both his hands in mine. All I could see was sorrow and guilt in Luke’s eyes. “I want it too, trust me, more than anything” he pursed his lips. “I just-“ he began but before he could complete his sentence, I was already out of the bed, putting my shirt back on. “Forget it, Luke” I stormed out of there ignoring him calling out my name.

I was embarrassed, tears were pricking at the corner of my eyes. I basically just threw myself at him, but he didn’t want me the way I wanted him? I was probably just not good enough. I kept repeating that statement in my mind about a thousand times. Walking back to my house, I’m not good enough. Changing into his shirt, I’m not good enough. Slowly falling asleep on the couch while mayday parade played through my headphones, I’m not good enough.

“Wake up” I felt a cold fingers graze my arm. I blinked a few times to block out the hazy vision, Luke. “What are you doing here” I yawned, stretching my arms out. “I came to, uh apologize” he brought up a daisy to my face and gave me a cheeky smile. I got up from my bed and stood in front of the mirror, tying my hair up in a high pony tail and completely ignoring Luke. “C’mon, I’m sorry” he pleaded, “I can’t stand you being angry at me” he took a step closer. Before I even realized I was wrapped up in his arms. My face nuzzled in his chest and his chin resting on top of my head. “I just wanted it to be really special” he whispered. “Not when my mom is sleeping in the next room and you’re a little drunk” he pulled away but his hands were holding my shoulders still. “I want you to remember every single bit of it, I don’t want you to wake up the next morning confused of what just happened or us being interrupted by my mom because we were too loud” he giggled making me crack a smile. “There it is” he smiled widely, “I love your smile”he pecked my lips before nuzzling his head on my neck, leaving short kisses on the same spot. Tickling my neck with his obnoxiously long hair, but his lips were warm and sweet. “I am so, so lucky to have you” he grinned before tickling my hips making me shoot up in laughter. “Oh my god! Luke please don’t!” I shouted trying to squirm out of his arms. He carried me, my legs wrapped around his torso. “What are you going to do if I don’t?” he teased.

“This fort turned out pretty comfy” I set my head on Luke’s pillow, facing him. “I guess it did” he smirked, bringing my legs closer his. “You’re such a dweeb for suggesting this though” I bit my bottom lip, holding back a laugh. “Stop making fun of me, I know you love it” he whined. “I love you” I giggled. “And I love you” he kissed my forehead gently before pulling me closer. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I couldn’t have asked for better”

Maybe I am good enough.