THE LINE - YVESEUL

FOURTEEN

Haseul went back to her parents home town for the winter break. It was nice, she had needed a change of scenery, and she had really missed her parents. Haseul had always been close with them, even into her teen years, and being so far apart for so long was strange. Not bad, per say, Haseul was really loving her independence, but strange. It wasn't until she was on the doorstep of her childhood home that she realized how much she had grown up.

Her mom and dad welcomed her in, and her little sister squeezed Haseul's rib cage so hard Haseul was pretty sure she was going to pass out. Yeojin was in her senior year of high school, and Haseul fondly looked at her and how much she had matured in Haseul's absence. Not so much that she didn't cry upon Haseul's arrival, immediately rambling off about a million things that Haseul only pretended to understand. That wasn't the point. These were the people who she'd spent all her life with and Haseul was overjoyed to see them again.

It was a strange feeling, knowing that she was home and then being homesick for someplace else. In her earlier days of college, Haseul had brought things that smelled like her house. Blankets, candles, odds and ends, but now she found herself missing the comfort of her apartment. She loved her apartment actually, she kind of wished Jinsol was here with her but her best friend had gone home with Jungeun over the break. She had never been as sentimental over the little things like Haseul, and she knew Jinsoul was a lot less fond of her parents.

Haseul lucked out, actually. She got an amazing mom, a wonderful dad, and the best damn sister in the whole world. Words couldn't describe how much she loved being with them, but as she laid in her own bed at night, she felt a creeping sense of both frustration and guilt that what she craved was her bed at her dorm.

(She didn't know if it was the bed she craved, or the person who often occupied it with her. The person who spooned her and played with her hair, laughing softly when Haseul grumbled about being disturbed.

Haseul could still hear her laugh, clear as day, softly echoing in Haseul's ear.

God, it made her heart hurt.)

There were good things about being home. She had craved the feel of a small town for a while, it made things feel less stressful, and she had underestimated the amount of pressure she had felt at college. When she was home, and the weight was off her shoulders temporarily, Haseul was surprised at how tired she felt. It was a good kind of tired, one that made her feel accomplished. She had done good, even if the end of the semester had been unpleasant. Neighbors greeted her warmly and Haseul was happy to see some of her old high school friends. None of them she was particularly attached to, her only good one having gone to college with her, but it was still nice to see people. It felt nice to see how far she had come, Haseul felt an odd sense of pride in herself. People thought of her as the big city girl, the one who was going to make it big. She couldn't wait till Yeojin got to college, she was looking forward to showing her little sister the new person she was. Yeojin was probably the person she missed most in the move. She texted Yeojin as often as she could, but it never was the same. She made sure to really catch up with her sister before she went back.

The holidays were spectacularly uneventful, which Haseul found rather nice. On the outside, she was happy, and to an extent she also was inside as well but she also felt a shadow hanging over her. It hadn't disappeared even when she was back home.

She thought about Sooyoung all the time. It was always a constant thought in the back of her head, a hope, a wonder, a fear. She didn't even know how to feel anymore, Haseul resigned to being numb.

But Haseul couldn't really do that, she couldn't not care about something. That wasn't who she was. Haseul always care so much.

She had followed Jinsoul's instructions of waiting, of playing cool, until Jinsoul had left with Jungeun on their trip and there was no one to talk Haseul out of sending texts.