HAND SANITIZER | K. SAKUSA

FIFTEEN - HAND SANITIZER

"WHAT'S UP?" ALEX SPOKE SOFTLY, HOLDING HER HEAD UP WITH HER
hand as her arm rested on the arm of the sofa placed in the living room of her dorm.  sakusa sat closely enough to where their knees were touching, but somehow had some distance.

"the guys told me what happened and.. i just wanted to come see you, and check on you.  i figured maybe you'd want some company?"

alex stared at him as he spoke, mesmerized.  her heart throbbed, now in a good way.  she nodded slowly, having to break eye contact due to her face flushing.

"i'd really like that.  thank you, for being so considerate and thinking about me." omi's hand rested on her mid thigh, almost comforting her soul.  she laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.  "..when we lose someone, i think we also lose a piece of ourselves."

sakusa nodded, rubbing her leg.  "i agree.  death and grief is something we will never get over, it's only something you learn to live with." the room fell silent for a moment, hot tears quietly pouring down alex's cold cheeks.  his hand stopped rubbing, staying in place once again.  "you know, i've never lost someone to the extent that you have.  but, i have dealt with loss before.  i know your heart hurts and you feel like the world is on fire and nothing will ever return to how it was, and maybe yeah, some things won't go back to how they were, but most of them will." sakusa lifted her chin up to look at him, quiet sobs now escaping alex's lips.  "i know it hurts, but one day it'll be okay again.  you'll be okay again."

_____________

alex lay there with her head on kiyoomi's chest, his hand in her hair, his fingers playing with it lightly.  the room was quiet, the only thing sounding was the tv.

she had her eyes closed as he played with her hair, making her slowly fall asleep. he looked at her, how peaceful she looked, a smile coming onto his face. "god i'm so lucky to have found someone like you.."

she was fully awake now, listening to what he said. "i heard you the other night, telling me how you thought you really liked me. funny thing is, you thought i was asleep." kiyoomi chuckled lightly to himself, continuing to smooth her hair down.

"i think i like you too. i don't know. it's been awhile since i've felt this for someone and it's actually kind of scary. but, you don't seem like the type to break hearts." he stopped for a moment, staring at the tv. "i'm scared i'm gonna hurt you. i get nervous around the guys because of how they are and.. i say stupid shit.  but i don't want to mess you up like everything else.  you're perfect alex, you're delicate."

sakusa closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the head board and smiling to himself. "you make me feel all nice and gushy inside. you remind me of my mom, not in a weird way though." he chuckled more, a bigger smile coming to his face. "you remind me of home."

for the next few days alex laid low with kiyoomi.  they laid in his bed, both just watching tv.  his hand dragged slowly up and down her back, comforting her. 

"darling.." his voice was quiet yet coarse, throat dry from not talking for so long.  "c'mon, sit up..  let me see that pretty face of yours.."
she opened her tired eyes,  sitting up slowly.

she looked at him, smiling softly.  he smiled back, pushing her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear.

"look at that pretty smile." she smiled more, leaning in and pressing her lips against his. he held her hips, pulling her onto his lap.

she giggled quietly, starting to grind her hips slowly. his hands slid down to her ass, gripping as she rocked back and forth, beginning to pick up pace.

he moaned quietly, hardening underneath her. "omi omiii!" sakusa's eyes shot open, chest heaving. 

"you gotta be fucking kidding me." he groaned loudly, smooshing a pillow against his face.  "such a perfect dream and he woke me up.."

sakusa stood quickly, now highly upset.  he threw his shirt on, storming out of his room.

atsumu looked, smiling charmingly.  "nice boxers omi-kun."

"'nice boxers omi-kun-' what the actual fuck are you waking me up for atsumu.  do you know what i was just experiencing??"

atsumu raised an eyebrow, looking him up and down.  "um, no, i don't, and i don't really care.  but anyways, i was yelling for you because i wanna go out tonight and i need you to come considering you've been busy for the last week."

"i was taking care of important things." sakusa rolled his eyes and walks to the fridge, leaning in to grab a water bottle. 

"what important things do you have going on?  you do nothing but worry about school and sometimes volleyball.  don't tell me you're caught up with a girl!" atsumu jumped up, smiling big.

"okay, first of all, shut up.  secondly, if i am?  it's not your business."

atsumu's jaw dropped.  "YOU ARE.  no fucking way, i've gotta tell everyone, this is a once in a lifetime thing-"

"you're not telling anyone, tsumu." sakusa put his hand on his blonde friends shoulder, sitting him on the couch.  "i really need to talk to you.  and i need to trust that you won't tell anyone cause it's nothing i've ever told anyone and i'm choosing you for some reason."

"okay i cant promise anyth-"

"if you tell a single soul, i will make sure you never play a sport again in your life.  got it?" atsumu nodded quickly, sitting straight.   sakusa sighed, dropping his head in his hands.  "it's so fucking stupid man.  i don't even get why i'm feeling this way."

"don't tell me you're in love with someone kiyoomi." he spoke warily, now fully attentive to sakusa.  sakusa shook his head as it was still in his hands.

"i'm not in love, tsumu, don't say that." sakusa looked up, now getting even more frustrating with all the thoughts going through his head.  he stood up, pacing around now.  "she's so sweet and caring, and she doesn't judge me for the things i do or the way i talk, or the way i dress.  she cares about me for me, not because i'm athletic or "hot".  i find myself getting lost when i look at her or when i'm thinking about her.  she's so pretty and beautiful and everything else all at once, i-... i cant be doing this right now."

sakusa tugged at his hair, groaning loudly.  "i mean, omi, it sounds like you're in love." tsumu chuckled, shaking his head.  "it's not bad to feel like this, but don't let yourself go or let yourself get caught up.  you told me you were sticking to no relationships until after you were done with school, you don't wanna mess up your education or athletic career, do you? i've tried hooking you up with girls just so you could get some and not always be so miserable."

sakusa shook his head, regret forming in his stomach.  he stared out the window where he had stopped pacing, gritting his teeth.  "yeah, i guess you're right."