Into the Chaos

Chapter Sixty-Eight

The castle is busy. Visiting dignitaries, soldiers, and workers all trying to move around each other. So much so that I typically stick to the rotunda or the more hidden library near the kitchens. Decius in turn helps Josephine with the more Inquisitorial business and has taken to hiding in the library with me as well.

~~

"Solas, I'd like your advice."

He inclines his head, "How may I help, fenorain?"

I tilt my head, darling? "Okay. When I opened the pocket in the Approach, I just grabbed at the veil blindly. It worked, but it knocked my focus. I should have asked earlier but it's safer to experiment with it here, so... tips?"

"You... tore?... the veil."

"Yes. I know that is not what I'm supposed to do. I am asking you, as our resident and foremost expert on rifts and the fade, on how to properly do this. So I don't shove myself into an unwanted headspace on accident."

He hesitates, "That is a function of the Orb. For your purposes and without the foci, no. It is not ideal to simply pull at the strands holding the realms apart. We will work on it together. I can simulate the same idea on a lower level of power. The same principles might be able to be applied to the power given by the Anchor."

"Ma serannas, Solas. And perhaps I can work on the request you made in Crestwood. Though, perhaps.." I continue telepathically, " it might be easier if you could respond in this way."

His brow furrows as I feel an attempt to mentally respond.

"We'll get there, 'ma'da'mi. Hmm, emma'halla." I trust you .

~~

Decius, Cullen, Josephine, Leliana, and I are in the war room when I get a message from my favorite teacher.

"Judge the mayor tomorrow. I don't care what you decide to do with him but—"

Waves of throbbing, nauseating pain pulses up my spine. With the passing of each moment the pain seems to get worse and worse. For a moment I think it will never stop when my vision goes white and a burning sensation begins radiating from my chest. My hand grasps at my skin, nails digging deep into the flesh.

A deep breath, and then another. I blink, trembling on the floor. I can see Leliana and Josephine looking at Cullen in shock. Decius is leaning heavily on the table. I shakily stand from where I had fallen, "did you just smite me, Commander?" I can't breathe.

"I-I — yes. Your eyes lit up. I presumed — "

I hold up a hand. "Decius? Are you alright?" He doesn't answer. He can't hear me yet. I speak aloud, "Decius, will you be okay?" Solas where are you?

He waves a hand and give me a thumbs up, then points to the door. ' I'm fine. Get out of here until you feel better. '

I look at everyone else, my breath catching when I start moving towards the door. Fuck. Ow. "I'm going to take a walk, we'll talk about it later. Josephine, I'm judging the mayor tomorrow at noon."

As soon as the door shuts behind me, I lean against the wall to guide me. Can't collapse here. Ignore the pain. Just until I can get to the library by the kitchens. Solas, where are you?

After nearly falling down the stairs, I carefully sit down in the old chair behind the desk.

~~

I don't know how long I sit there, feeling for any part of my magic, shivering, exhausted, unable to sleep, half of my body in agony, the other seemingly numb, before Solas walks through the door. With Him following behind.

I stand, kneel, and bow my head. I can feel Him run a hand through my hair, "My dear, what happened?" He crouches to look at me, a hand on my nape.

I close my eyes, letting myself be pulled forward. "The Commander smited me while you were speaking to me. I understand why, I must have looked like Anders. Possessed by something, which isn't an entirely wrong statement. Though, it appears to have affected me on a larger scale than Decius." I twitch my head slightly in Solas's direction. "Is it supposed to hurt this much?"

I can practically hear Solas frown, "it is meant to debilitate the mage, cut them off from the fade. I'm not sure why either of you were affected seeing as you don't draw from it, but what is the extent of your pain?"

I hold a hand out, palm up, "I ca— I can't. You might want to sit down." I see Solas sitting out of the corner of my eye before he grabs my hand. "Sorry about this." I close my eyes again and imagine the pain from the smite flowing from me to Solas until our hands are no longer connected. It apparently works as Solas's hand spasms. He slowly breaks the connection. I pant and grind my teeth as the pain returns.

"No, it isn't supposed to feel like that." Fabric rustles.

With whatever motion Solas made, He tenses along with it.

"My dear, it seems that we've more things to learn about this place. Rutherford's smite... simply put, it injured our pact. In doing so, he could have caused irreparable harm to you. It is never meant to be cut like this if neither party wish it."

This can't—I can't think. So much. Remember the pact of our youth. Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping, since there is no me without you

No. I curl my hands into his shirt. "Can you fix it?"