A Very Gay Highschool Story

Am I Gay?

Clint

I had dinner with Pietro and his family, and when dinner was over, Pietro and I go back to his room to get my stuff. When in his room, something happened when I was turning around, but the next I know, we were on the ground and I was on top of him. I stare down at him and he stares back up at me, both of us breathing softly. Not thinking for a moment, I leaned in a little, and I rub my nose against his. I almost kiss him, almost, then I realized what I was doing and who I was about to kiss.

"I have to go." I say and then quickly got off of Pietro before leaving him on the floor, not even staying to help him up, to freaked out about what I was about to do.

I was about to kiss him. KISS him. I couldn't believe myself. As far as I know, I am straight, and Pietro was not a girl. But I think I am attracted to him. I'm attracted to him. Am I gay? I should probably wait until I get home for this teenaged crisis before I give myself a panic attack.

I calm myself, trying to push down the thoughts that would give me a panic attack, the ones about what happened with my best friend. I finally get home after what seems like forever on the road and I immediately go to my room. I need to talk to Natasha. I pick up my phone and FaceTime her. After two rings, she picks up.

"What's up?" She asked when she accepted the call.

"Ialmostkissedhim." I blurt out, melding my words together, she probably didn't hear what I said.

"You did what?" She asked, probably worried that I did something that might be worse than what I actually did.

"I almost kissed Pietro." I say slower, still panicked.

"How?" She asked.

"I think I tripped over my own feet and I ended up falling on top of him. I don't know what came over me but I leaned in a little, brushed my nose against his, then I snapped out of whatever came over me, and I left him on the floor in panic. Then I got home and then called you." I explained to her.

"Did you want to kiss him?" She asks.

"God, yes." I answer her.

"Do you still want to kiss him?"

"I do." I answer after some consideration. "I really, really do, but I don't know if he does, if he wants me to as well."

"You're an absolute idiot, you know that right?"

"I mean, generally yeah, but what makes you bring this up?" 

"Because he is basically in love with you." She tells me.

"What makes you say that?" I ask, not believing her.

"You notice how he hasn't talked to you until this year? The year he has finally learned sign so that you know exactly what he is saying?" She asked.

"No, he probably already knew sign, then realized I was deaf, then started to talk to me." I deny her theory, if it was a theory.

"Every class I had with you two in it, he was always giving you heart eyes." She says, and I look at her in disbelief. "You, Clint, you. He has a crush on you. I wouldn't be surprised if he was in love with you at this point."

"No." I deny. "He can't. He's straight."

"He is in the LGBT genius hour Clint." She pointed out.

"Not everyone in there is LGBT, Nat." I fire back, still not believing that one of my closest friends has feelings for me. ME, of all people.

"I know his friends Clint, he is not straight." She said. "And aren't you bi, isn't now a little too late for gay panic?"

"I forgot, shit." I said, remembering that I came out years ago, but I guess stress and stuff buried/ wiped the memory from me. "Do you think he knows?"

"He is one of the people who has the google form link Clint. He knows, unless he forgot as well." She answered. "And how did you even forget your own sexuality. It's your sexuality."

"I don't know... stress?" I suggest to her and to myself. "Denial even though I already came out? Internalized homophobia burying it down until I forget and think I'm straight again?"

"Possibly." She said. "I have to go to work soon, so bye."

"Bye." I say and she hangs up. 

I lay on my bed, and I couldn't get the almost kiss out of my head. It was the last though I had in my head before I finally fall asleep, where it loomed in over me in my dreams.

(A/N): I honestly forgot that I had written Clint as bi, and so I wrote in this, which was something that actually happened to me before, so... yeah.