exasperated ；rensung

xxv

Jisung had a good sleep that night. Renjun, not so much.

He stayed up thinking about himself, figuring out his own feelings because that encounter with Jisung just a few hours ago was kind of shocking to him.

He had alway believed he never liked anyone before and taht included Jisung as well. But now his own reactions made him wonder if he was really being true to himself.

"Can one be that unaware of one's own feelings?"

That was the question that not only kept him up the whole night but also prevented him to attend college the next day. Not that he was hesitant to face Jisung or anything, but he considered it a better option to try to know himself a little more.

Renjun felt betrayed? He wasn't sure if it was the right word for it but it was kinda of similar. How can he be so oblivious about something so important?

You see, Renjun has always struggled with dating people. He just never felt the need to have something romantic with another person. It was heavily awkward to even think about it. He definitely liked watching light romance in movies and dramas but never in real life.

Even after seeing all his friends getting together and doing all the "soft" shit they did, he still never compelled to be in a relationship and only because he had never had any romantic thoughts.

It sometimes worried him but only a little as it wasn't a priority for him to constantly have someone around you. He was doing pretty amazing by himself and he liked to keep it that way.

Yet he didn't expect that he won't be able to tell that he likes someone. How difficult can it be? If he doesn't know this much about himself then what's the point of all his life?

Renjun realized he has gone a bit deep and it is actually not that great of a thing that he's making it into.

But today, he really did feel something foreign and it weirded him out. He tried to recall some things and apparently, he was acting different with Jisung.

"Was it because I liked him all along?"

"This is killing me, oh God!"

Closing eyes might just work wonder this time too so he did exactly that and stuffed his face in his pillow as he continued to think of a solution,

and after a span of one night and few hours of the day, he finally got it down.

He wasn't sure if this would work or not but he wanted to give it a shot.

This will not only help him find out where he stood with Jisung but also might help to build a better relationship with Jisung. Dating or not, he still wanted to be good friends with him.

Now that all is settled, the only problem is

"But how the heck am I gonna tell him this?!"

-

Jisung was a little disappointed to not see Renjun on the campus. He was nowhere to be found and only discovered from Jaemin that he never came.

"I hope he's not angry with me,"

Jisung sighed and walked to home.

He had just gotten inside his room and was leaving to get something to eat when his phone buzzed inhis pocket.

It was a missed call from Renjun

but what caught his eyes were the two messages he got sent from the said boy.

He opened them and felt the need to gulp and push down the saliva that was hindering the air to reach his esophagus.

"hey jisung"
"i have to meet you. it's kinda urgent?"