He Ghosted Me (Dela Vega Cousins #1)

Chapter 20

I can hear the tick of the clock in the wall, the sound of the trees dancing in the wind, the chirping sound of the bird passing by, and the sound of my breath along with his heavy breath.

For the second time, I'm here in this faculty room with him. Only the two of us. And it scared the hell out of me.

Saan ba nanggaling 'tong lalaking ito? Para namang mauubosan ng hangin sa kakahinga niya ng malalim. Hindi naman kami tumakbo kanina ah?

Napatitig ako sa kaniyang mukha. His expression is telling me that his controlling his self. Why? Pumikit siya at bahagyang sumandal sa kaniyang inuupuan.

Ano? Tutunganga nalang ba ako dito at hihintayin siya hanggang mawalan ng oxygen ang room na 'to sa kakahinga niya ng malalim?

Hoy may iniinda pa akong masakit no! Pero syempre hindi ko sasabihin 'yun.

"Are you avoiding me?"  Napabalik ako sa kasalukuyan ng magsalita ang taong nasa aking harapan. Direct to the point talaga?

"Nope. Why would I do that?"  Siya lang ba ang marunong mag-english? Ako rin' kaya. Pero sadyang hindi lang talaga ako marunong magsinungaling, o sadyang marupok lang talaga ang aking katawan.

He lean closer to me. My body slightly
reacted when his breath touch my right cheek. "I don't believe you."  He whispered. Why do I find his voice as hot as coffee? Wait-- what?! Did I just fantasize his voice?

"W-what? A-aherm.... It's not my problem if you will not going to believe me."  Oh chopstick! I just stuttered in front of him!

My heart begins to beat rapidly. I'm afraid that he will hear it. And I'm really afraid if he will know that he has this effect on me. I'm doomed! Tumikhim ulit ako at lumayo ng kunti sa kaniya.

"Hmmm..."  He just hummed as he lean again and sniff my neck. As long as his sniffs my neck there's a burning sensation that slowly building up inside me. Hindi ko pinansin 'yun dahil mas nananaig ang kiliting aking nararamdaman.

"H-hoy! Umayos ka nga!"  Saway ko sa kaniya. Mas nilapit naman niya yung mukha niya sa aking leeg kaya naramdaman ko ang kaniyang mga  maliliit na balbas sa mukha.

"Ano b-ba----", Hindi ko natapos ang dapat ko na sanang sasabihin dahil lumabas nalang bigla ang tawang kanina pa pinipigilan ng aking bibig.

Natatawa kong nilayo ang kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. Hindi ko namalayang kanina pa pala  nakahawak ang aking dalawang kamay sa kaniyang mukha. Bigla akong napatigil at napatitig sa kaniyang mga mata.

"Your gorgeous when you laugh like that."  He said, his voice is husky and inviting. Seconds had passed and I can see the gap between us is slowly closing.

It didn't take that long when I feel his soft lips connected at the side of my lips. Like a processing computer, my mind is still on process of what's just happened.

Ano nga ulit ang nangyari? Pa-rewind nga? Shitmiming! Talandi ka talaga self! Saan ko nga ba natutunan 'to?

Grrr! Patay ka sakin Janel!

Ito yung napapala mo pag puro taken ang iyong mga kaibigan.

Five seconds din ang tinagal hanggang lumayo siya sa akin. Thank goodness! Baka kung hindi pa siya lumayo, masisiraan na talaga ako ng bait.

Tumikhim ako at lumayo ulit sa kaniya. Kung kanina ay nakaupo ako ngayon ay tumayo na talaga ako. Hindi ako makatingin sa kaniya ng maayos dahil sa kaniyang mga titig na nakakatagos hanggang buto.

Ano ba talaga kasi? Namumuro na 'tong lalaki na ito!

"What are you doing?"  I ask him coldly.  I can see the emotion passing on his beautiful galaxy-like eyes. Now it's evident. I can name it, but I'm afraid if it's not true. This is really hard to me!

"You can feel it don't you?"  He ask again the question that he ask me weeks ago. I didn't answer him instead I just look at him sadly. There's no use of denying.

"I know you can feel it. Just please! Tell me honestly. I need an assurance from you."  He almost beg. I hate seeing him like this. Indeed, love can make you do the things you didn't know you can do. Kasali na diyan ang ayaw mong makitang nasa kalungkutan ang iyong minamahal.

"What if I say yes? What would you do?"  I ask him. The walls that I build for weeks from him has been shattered, and it's just all because of him again.

"W-wait---what? Do you mean tha---",

"Yes! And it scared the hell out of me! I don't know if I have still a chance, I don't know what would I do anymore! You! You give me so many foreign feelings. You have this effect on me that even my body will betrayed me! Why? Why me? You have a girlfriend but why do you always make my hopes up?! I don't want to invest my love for you when even you! you can't reciprocate it! I don't want to fight in this battle when in the end, I'm going to lose and stabbed my own heart just for my stupidity......I don't want to feel happy when after that I'll cry.... I d-dont want t-to.... Dahil ang lahat na ito ay walang kasiguraduhan."  Hindi ko na napigilan ilabas lahat ang natipong mga salitang sakto sa aking nararamdaman. Parang bulkan kung sumabog ang mga binibitawan Kong mga salita.

I close my eyes as a so many tears scape from it. Yes! I cried in front of him. I don't know his reaction after I said those words because I close my eyes after, and I don't want to see his reactions either.

Now I'm doomed. I confess my feelings in a wrong way, wrong time, wrong place, and in a wrong person. Wrong person? But why do it feels right to love him?

Pinunasan ko ang aking mukha gamit ang aking kamay kahit na hindi parin' tumitigil sa pag-agos ang aking luha. Shyt naman oh!

"Now you know. It's okay if I'm hurting. It's my fault anyway, it's my fault that I fell for you. Pero please lang naman! Wag mo akong paasahin sa mga kilos mo! Kung hindi ka rin' handang saluhin ako. I may be young, but I already understand the things that's been happening to me."  I already facing him after I said those words. And I regret it because now, I'm already torn. Between believing him or not. His face showing sadness and guilt.

"I'm sorry."  All he just said. Pagak akong napatawa. After all I've said to him, I'm sorry was just his response?
I tried to make myself angry, but it turns out into nothing.

This is insane! Be angry to him! I mentally yelled at myself.

Umiling nalang ako at umalis sa kaniyang harapan. Nandoon na sana ako sa may pintuan ng may dalawang brasong mahigpit na yumakap sa aking katawan. I can feel the familiarity of his warm embrace. And I can't help myself but to lean on his warm body because of tiredness.

Bakit hindi ko kayang magalit sayo? Ah mahal nga pala kita.

"Just give me time brie. I promise, I will sort this thing out. Just don't give up on me."  He said and burried his head on my shoulder.

"Think about your girlfriend before you make your move, before it turns to be your biggest regret."  Lumabas rin' kaagad ako pagkabitaw ko palang ng mga salita na iyon. Kahit na masarap sa feeling ang kaniyang yakap, kailangan kong paring putulin 'yun.

Isa sa mga ayaw ko ay ang makagiba ng relasyon. Ako man iyon o ibang tao, hindi parin' makatarungan ang sumira ka ng isang relasyon sa kadahilanang mahal mo siya. Love is not enough to be your reason. Kung alam mong may sabit, respetuhin mo. Wag yung sirain mo.

But I can't judge to this people. We do so many things because we had a reason. Every people has a reason to make a mistake. So don't judge them that easily, without even knowing their story.

Love can be hard to understand sometimes. It's unfair, because it's easy to fall in love but it's hard to pull your love out. Love is really cruel...

For the second time again, I go out of that room because of him.

How ironic is it?

Love is really unfair to me.