Undying Love || JenLisa

Eleven

Lalisa Manoban

Three days ko ng hindi nakikita si Jen, or should I say three days ko na siyang iniiwasan. I'm so stupid, right? Wala siyang kasalanan. Ako itong tanga na umasa na kahit konti, mapansin niya yung nararamdaman ko. Heto ako, nasasaktan kahit wala naman akong karapatan.

I'm so tired. My body is tired, but not my heart. It keeps loving her.

Sleep. I need to sleep para makalimutan ang sakit. But heck! Even my body won't listen to me.

Almost 12:00 AM na din at nandito pa ako sa restobar. Three nights na akong hindi nakakatulog ng maayos. Kung hindi pa siguro sa tulong ng alak, baka wala pa talaga akong tulog hanggang ngayon. Imbes na mga unan ang hawak ko, itong bote ng alak ang nasa kamay ko. Tangina!

If you would ask me what happened after Jen left me for Bobby, dumating si Mommy and saved me from drowning with my own emotions. I told her everything and she cried with me. After namin umiyak pareho, bigla kaming nagtawanan.

But laughers didn't last long. Naiwan ulit akong mag isa and at the end of the day, naalala ko na naman lahat.

Stupid, Lisa! Kasalanan ko rin naman kung bakit ako nagkakaganito.

Then out of nowhere, may isang beer ang ibinaba sa harapan ko. Even without seeing who it was, I already knew -- it's Rosie.

"Babae lang yan. Maraming nagkakandarapa para lang mapansin mo." She said and sat across me. I shook my head and chuckled.

Hindi lang naman basta babae lang si Jen. Jen is my happy pill. Jen exists in every corner of my eyes. Jen exists in every piece of me. I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness just to make her happy. She's not JUST a girl. She is Jen.

"Hihintayin mo pa bang maubos ang sarili mo bago mo marealize na pwede ka naman maging masaya? Pwede ka maging masaya kahit hindi siya ang maging dahilan. Lisa, sinabi ko naman sayo hindi ba? Magtira ka para sa sarili mo. Look at you now."

"Rosie, please..."

"No! I won't stop until you realize how stupid you are, Lalisa. Grow up and move on. In the first place, wala namang kayo."

"Tangina! Alam ko naman na walang kami! Pero move on? How? Tell me how can I move on when Jen is the only thing that makes my heart go crazy like this?! Move on is not my word, Rosie. I'd never know how to move on!" Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa bote na hawak ko. Fck! Hindi naman ganoon kadali ang makalimot ng nararamdaman.

 Ganoon lang ba yun? Isang salita lang, wala na? Ampucha!

"You know what? I already developed a strong bond with my depression and loneliness - cursing myself why on earth I loved this much." A silent laugh passed my open lips. I'm so pathetic.