Undying Love || JenLisa

Two

Lalisa Manoban

"This is my secret place Jen and I'm sharing this with you." Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko habang dumadampi ang malamig na hangin sa mga pisngi ko. "I also consider this as my healing place kaya kita dinala dito."

"H-how did you know this place?"

"This is a fireflies sanctuary. I got this when I was 15 years old, regalo ni Mommy. Noong una, hindi ko pa alam kung anong gagawin ko dito. The night na iniwan kami ni Daddy, umalis ako sa bahay at dito ako dinala ng mga paa ko."

Tumingin ako sa kanya at mabilis ko din namang binawi iyon ng magtama ang mata namin. Siya naman ay tahimik lang na nakikinig sakin.

God, you've created such a beautiful woman and I am lucky to witness your creation right before my eyes.

There are so many things I cannot even begin to truly explain. Why do I feel this way? Whenever I see Jen, it's as if time collapses into one tiny speck and explodes at light speed. It's as if my universe begins and ends with her. Falling in love with her was the easy part; it's admitting to myself that it happened that's hard.

"I was so devastated that night at sobrang galit na galit ako kay Daddy dahil iniwan niya kami para sa ibang babae. I was crying that I didn't even know how to stop. It was so painful, anger swallowed me. I blamed my mom for being not enough for my father. I-- I blamed myself for not being a good daughter. I was on the verge of hurting myself. But out of nowhere, there was this little light floating in front of me -- more like dancing -- telling me not to cry because she's there for me and I'm not alone anymore.."  Pagpapatuloy ko ng kwento.

I chuckled remembering that night. I literally talked to a firefly. "Watching that little light dancing in front of me made me forget everything. That moment, I stopped crying. I just don't even know how to explain why."

"Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi sakin? Andaya mo!"  Hinampas niya ulit ako sa braso. Natawa na lang ako kasi para siyang bata.

"Jen, kasi nga secret hindi ba? Hindi na ito magiging secret kapag may ibang nakaalam bukod sa akin."

"Bakit ngayon sinabi mo na?" Ngumiti nalang ako sa kanya at tumingin sa malawak na lugar kung saan ay unti-unti nang dumarami ang mga alitaptap sa buong paligid.

"Because you're hurt, Jen, and you deserved to see this." She took a deep breath at hindi agad nagsalita. Alam ko na nasasaktan na naman siya.

"Sana kasi ganyan din siya mag-isip, hindi yung sinasaktan niya nalang ako palagi." Inilagay ko ang isang kamay ko sa ulo niya at marahang hinaplos ang buhok nito.

"Ganun naman talaga pag nagmamahal, hindi ba? Kahit ang pinakamatalinong tao nagiging tanga, kahit ang may pinakamalinaw na mata nagbubulag-bulagan sa katotohanan na nasasaktan na, pero patuloy pa rin nagmamahal."

"Bakit kasi?! Nakakainis!! Kung pwede lang na hindi siya mahalin!" Bigla niyang hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko at iniharap sa kanya. "Tell me how to unlove him, Lis! Tell me." Kaagad ko namang hinawakan ang mga kamay nito na hindi pa rin inaalis sa mukha ko.

"That's the question only you can answer, Jen." Hindi na siya nagsalita pa. Marahan siyang bumitaw sa akin at tumingin sa malayo. Ganoon na lang din ang ginawa ko.

Love is the most beautiful feeling in this world -- yet love is also the most painful one -- it's scary.

Nabaling ang atensyon naming dalawa nang biglang magring ang phone niya. It's Bobby. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na magsalita pa. I took a deep breath at marahang tumayo.

"Ihahatid na kita." Hindi na siya sumagot pa at tumayo na rin. Hinawakan ko muli ang kamay niya at inalalayan siya hanggang sa makasakay kami sa sasakyan.

Habang nasa biyahe kami ay patuloy lang siyang nakatingin sa screen ng phone niya habang tumatawag si Bobby. Hindi niya ito sinasagot. It was another 10 mins drive away from their home, pero nagulat kami pareho ng makita si Bobby sa harapan ng gate nila. May hawak itong bulaklak at naghihintay sa kanya.

Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay pero kaagad ko rin namang binitawan iyon. Hindi na niya nagawang magpaalam sa akin dahil kaagad itong bumaba ng sasakyan. Pinagmasdan ko lang siya habang palapit siya sa taong mahal niya. It's so painful.

I always looked at her with the feelings of butterflies fluttering inside my tummy. Everything changed the moment I looked at her differently. I started to notice details I didn't before: like the curve of her lips, the frown line above her eyebrows, and the way she laughs.

Now my smile has disappeared and it has been lost seeing them together. It has been replaced by millions of tears which she will never notice. Love isn't always reciprocated, and it doesn't always end in a happily ever after.

****