For Keeps

6. The birthday boy.

{Cary}

Cary didn't have a favourite of all his Christmas trees-just whichever tree he was decorating this week. Since it was December third, his favourite was the toy tree and by mid afternoon he was packing up their tools, Kurt glancing at him in surprise.

"Party tonight, Visser," Cary explained. "Girls are coming. Gotta get ready."

Kurt's paint-spattered face lit up under his equally spattered My Little Pony cap. "Toy tree, right? What do we need to do?"

"We are going shopping," Cary said grandly, and Kurt held up his arms like he'd declared a touchdown and then grabbed his coat and marched to the truck.

Cary's annual pilgrimage to Zippity Toys was a highlight of his December. He took his time outside of the store, admiring the display in the window and enjoying the cold, clear winter sunshine. He could feel Kurt bouncing with curiosity and excitement beside him, and he held the door open for the other man.

Inside, Kurt's eyes went wide, taking in the floor to ceiling shelves of brightly coloured toys and dolls. "What are we looking for here, Douglas? Something for the girls?"

"Something for me," Cary said. "I'll know it when I see it."

Cary found his way to the aisle with the model sets: trains and planes and animals, some pre-painted, others grey and blank. He picked up an unpainted grizzly bear, running a blunt finger over its tiny nose longingly before returning it to the shelf to just look.

His hands were too big to work with these models now. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, giving himself a minute to imagine his child hands touching each of these creatures, painting each tiny detail with the careful fingers he'd had even then.

Nobody had asked him what he wanted under the tree when he was a child; his mother bought him technology to keep him quiet in his room, and his father bought him books that were too complicated for Cary to follow, that he would later ask if Ciaran had read.

Cary smoothed the hair down on the back of his neck and rubbed the side of his beard to comfort himself. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe if he had tiny brushes he could manage. It couldn't be that different from drawing. He took the bear back, the feel of it in his palm putting a lift in his step and a smile on his face as he hunted for a paint set to go with it.

When he'd made his purchase, he went looking for Kurt.

The other man was in the Lego section, hands clasped tightly behind his back as he gazed at a large box with a spaceship on the front. He seemed to be far away, his face uncharacteristically empty of emotion.

"Was Lego your thing?" Cary asked.

Kurt's face reanimated, his mouth twisting. "My brother Nolan's thing." He tapped the box with his finger and turned aside. "We built that when he was fourteen. Hundreds of fiddly bits. I was just thinking...if anyone had the patience to build Lego with him last Christmas. Or if he even-still plays with it. Maybe sixteen is too old for Lego."

"You're never too old for Lego," Cary said, drily. "Your fingers just get too fat."

Kurt chuckled but passed on the wide-open chance to make a wisecrack--which Cary took as a sign he was probably upset. "You want to get a gift to your brother this year?" he asked.

It was obvious from Kurt's unhappy mouth that he did, but the other man lifted his shoulders. "Better if I don't," he muttered, pushing a colourful chunk of hair back under his cap. "Got what you needed, Douglas?"

Grinning, Cary held up his tiny bag full of the grizzly bear and the grizzly cub he'd gone back for and a collection of tiny brushes to paint them with. "Yuh I did. Next stop: gluten free snacks and cake."