For Keeps

18. Cleaning out my closet.

{Jon}

Jon couldn't think of the last time he'd had this feeling in his body, loose and light, all the doors thrown wide open on the spaces that he had kept closed tight and dark. Maybe the day he came out to his parents, nearly a decade ago. In the parking lot on the way to the car he tipped his face up, feeling the soft brush of snow on his cheeks and opened his mouth to catch snowflakes on his tongue and then pretended to eat them while Kurt laughed. This was the feeling of no secrets.

Kurt caught his hand before Jon got in the car, glancing around the deserted parking lot. They had been the last people unlacing their skates in the lodge, a sleepy-looking staff person waiting for them to leave. The only thing watching the parking lot were the tall pines standing sentinel black against black. Pulling his mittens off to cup Jon's face in his bare hands, Kurt kissed him, backing Jon up against the car.

Breathing Kurt's breath, Jon tipped his face to taste his mouth, completely alert to Kurt's body against him.

This was the feeling of not fucking up his relationship in December. God, he was so grateful he could have burst.

Kurt spread his legs so they were the same height, pressing closer, and with a soft noise Jon opened his mouth to let him in deeper. At this point he would have spread his own rib cage to tuck Kurt inside his body if his partner said he was cold. It shook him how unguarded he'd become, and yet he had a bone-deep deep certainty that he was safe here in Kurt's hands. Everything could be out in the open between them, even when it wasn't tidy and strong.

Breathless, Kurt let him go, rubbing his cold nose against Jon's neck. "I really don't want to stop kissing you," he murmured in his ear. "But I can't feel my legs and someone needs to drive you home."

Jon laughed, dazzled by the look of love in Kurt's blue eyes. "It's a real dilemma, Visser."

Kurt's exasperated 'huff' went down Jon's collar and made his skin shiver and tighten. "Hmm," Kurt said. "I guess it's warmer in our house."

"It is," Jon said ambivalently, working his hand between the buttons of Kurt's coat to find the chunky knit of Kurt's jumper over his stomach. "But cars are warm." Kurt's eyebrows flicked up, reading his face, and Jon spread his hand flat against Kurt's body. "Whatever you want, love," Jon said softly. "It's a Kurt Visser night for you."

Kurt chuckled, colour coming up in his cheeks. "I do know a place to park. Just around the corner from here. The view of the city lights is magic."

Steam obscured the view of the city lights as they made their own ordinary magic in the front seat of Kurt's car. Jon took his time to attend to Kurt, gently repairing what he had stretched thin this week. Following his partner's pleasure, he lost time and any lingering sense of self-consciousness, fitting himself into the space at the foot of the passenger seat, Kurt's long legs wrapped around his shoulders, Kurt's hands buried in his hair, Kurt's voice filling him with warm, surging energy.

When his partner was spent, Jon laid his cheek on Kurt's leg to watch him swim back from ecstasy, his eyelids fluttering, his pale eyelashes thick with tears.

"Crying?" Jon asked, worried.

"Happy tears." Kurt said huskily. "Everything feels like the first time with you right now."

Jon sighed with relief, closing his eyes to just hold this feeling in his body, of being folded so small to make his partner feel enormous, cherished and safe. He put his lips against the bare skin of Kurt's inner thigh. "I'm sorry for taking you for granted this week, Kurt."

Kurt was moving slow as he pulled himself back together, like his limbs were weighed down with pleasure. He laughed, low. "Well I felt that apology in all the places--thank you, love. Just gimme a second to get blood flowing back to my brain before I drive us home."