Plan To Love (Love Duology #2)

Letter #3

Dear Joseph,

We've been together since what? Grade 6? We're currently in 11th grade, starting to be exact. From grade 6 to 11, 5 years, love. We've been together for five years.

But I think 5 years are enough. Let's stop counting the years since we built our relationship. Let's stop with the hold of 5 years. Hanggang doon na lang tayo. Hindi na aabot ng anim na taon. Let's stop with five years being together.

I know that this is so sudden, so, keep reading. I'll be listing the reasons why I want us to stop counting the years we've been together.

But before that, I hope you can understand me because this is for us. For you, especially.

Please, remember that every decision I made is all for you to be happy. I can also do everything for you.

Reasons why I want our relationship to end (with explanations):

1. We're toxic.

-Remember when someone talked to you? Offering you a big opportunity to be a professional pianist just like what you always wanted, but then you declined when you learned that it's only possible if you go to Paris. You declined it because you don't want to leave me.

I will admit that I was happy when you chose me over your career, but now that I thought of it again, it scares me. Kaya mong ipagpaliban ang mga bagay na dapat ay ginagawa mo para lang sa 'kin. You shouldn't do that, Joseph. Dapat tinanggap mo 'yon dahil 'yon 'yung pangarap mo. Hindi mo dapat pinipigilan ang sarili mo dahil lang sa 'kin.

How is it toxic? I was happy when you declined the offer when I should be the one who pursued you to follow your dreams. To do that because that's what you want. Hindi ko alam kung ako ba o parehas tayong toxic dahil hindi kita kinausap tungkol doon at pinabayaan mo 'yon dahil sa 'kin.

2. We need to grow.

-5 years. Magkasama tayo ng limang taon, buong buhay na natin. Don't you notice? We've been making decisions while including each other. Hindi na tayo makagawa ng mga desisiyon an hindi iniisip ang isa't isa. Bukod pa ro'n, masyado tayong naka-depende sa isa't isa. Hindi natin alam, mali na pala 'yon.

We need to grow, Joseph. We need to grow without each other to learn. To be independent. We always make sure to be with each other when we both know that we need to do things alone. Kailangan natin tulungan mga sarili natin, hindi 'yung naasa na lang tayo palagi sa isa't isa.

I know you can and will understand what I meant because you will think about the things we've made with each other. You will realize that I am right. That we need to grow individually.

3. You seemed to fell out of love.

-Ayaw kitang pilitin na manatili sa 'kin dahil lang ayaw mo akong saktan. Ayaw kong manatili ka sa relasyon natin kung saan pansin ko may iba ka na. Not that I'm telling you as a cheater, okay? I just noticed how your eyes shined whenever you're with Ava. How you laugh with her when I told you I don't trust her because she likes you.

I'm not blaming you to like her, but I felt betrayed when I clearly told you that I don't like her. That I have a bad feeling for her. You asked me if I was jealous and I answered that maybe I am. You told me you will stay away from her since I'm getting jealous, but what? You laughed at her. You smiled at her. Your eyes shined because of her.

Ava told me that I'm suffocating you, and I think I do. Baka, hindi mo lang napapansin dahil nasanay ka na mag-kasama tayo. Sabi niya rin sa 'kin na hindi mo lang ako maiwan dahil ayaw mo akong masaktan. Ayaw ko ng gano'n, Joseph. You know that I want you to be happy, right? I always want to you being happy.

Ava's words hit me, love. Dahil sa mga sinabi niyang 'yon sa 'kin, ang dami kong naalala at napansin sa relasyon natin. Ang dami pala nating problema nang hindi natin nahahalata, 'no? Don't worry, I'm not blaming our love. I'm blaming myself for not noticing it earlier to fix it.

If my hunch about you and Ava is wrong, I'm sorry for doubting you, then. Hindi ko lang maiwasan dahil napapansin ko talaga ang mga bagay na 'yon. But if ever that I'm right, I'm happy that I made the right decision.

4. I want you to be happy, always.

-I promised myself that I will do everything to make you happy, my love. You might be hurting right now, but I know that you will realize what I did is right. Mukha namang masaya ka habang kasama si Ava kaya sana, pansinin mo rin ang sarili mong nararamdaman. Kapag napagtanto mo na kung ano talaga 'yung nararamdaman mo, mapagtatanto mo rin na tama ang desisyon kong 'to.

Don't worry. You won't see me for a while since we'll be back in the Philippines for my father. Sana lang ay mabasa mo 'to kapag nakaalis na kami dahil ayaw kong maabutan mo ako. Siguro the time na binabasa mo 'to, alam mo na ang nangyari kay Daddy kaya hindi ko na kailanganin pang mag-paliwanag.

I'm fine, by the way. Alam kong hindi kami iiwan ni Daddy kaya 'wag kang magalala para sa 'kin.

Those are my reasons and explanations why I want us to be done. I hope you can understand because this is for us, too. For you. My final wish to you as your girlfriend? I wish you won't come here to the Philippines to chase me if ever. Let us grow, Joseph. Please.

For the last time, I love you, my love. Sobra.

Let's now end our relationship.

The girl who's always mesmerized by your deep dimples,

Loveleeryna Mavis Dela Cruz.

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Started through a letter. Ended through a letter.

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