fearless

xix, forever and always.

chapter nineteen. forever and always.

angelina was basically stuck on everything in her life. she wanted to run as fast as she could. from her issues, from her problems, from the boy she loved - and never come back. it was an issue for her. angelina was a runner.

commitment issues were always a problem. angelina could never be in one place for too long because her thoughts would overcome her and make her terrified of messing up. but with ranboo, she always felt like she could stay. angelina could mess up and he would never judge her.

but now, angelina wanted to run as far as she could from ranboo. part of her wanted to never see him again, but the other part wanted to stay and forgive him for everything he had ever done.

is this what love could do to someone?

angelina never felt love. this makes her sound like she was numb - but she wasn't. she was just never around someone to love them. but ranboo was different. angelina was new to all of this, but so was he.

why couldn't they just start over?

so there she sat, in the bathroom with olive hugging her tightly. angelina could never be mad at olive - she didn't mean any harm. her best friend just didn't want her to get hurt.

"what now?" olive spoke, her hands still on angelina's shoulders as she made eye contact.

"we go back to nyu, and i'm going to figure this out later."

angelina did in fact not figure this out later. it had been three weeks since her running in with ranboo, and she had done nothing. she didn't know what to do. angelina had never felt this awkward around her friends before.

tommy, olive, and toby treated her like a glass that could never break. they acted gentle with her, as if afraid she might snap on them like a piranha and eat them alive.

school was ending in two months, and angelina was going to officially be a graduate from nyu. but until then, she needed to figure it out. everything.

five songs were on a flash drive on angelina's computer. completed, they sat, fully edited by the three streamers who perfected it to the tee. each had a story, and for once in quite some time, angelina was proud.

you belong with me ━ the starter of the album, which she decided to call fearless, because that's what she had to become. even after what she's gone through, she's absolutely fearless through it all. at least, on the outside.

you're not sorry ━ a more slow track in comparison to the rest. while writing, she thought about how many times ranboo apologized to her, but part of her felt like he never really meant it.

mr perfectly fine ━ one of her most recents that she wrote from scratch. she mainly just wrote it on the fact that after she left, ranboo pretty much gave up on interacting with her. and he stayed with hayden.

the way i loved you ━ while reminiscing, she was reminded of all the old times ranboo and her would go and do stupid stuff in the middle of the night. now, they can't. and she misses it.

love story ━ a song simply about how angelina would feel whenever she saw ranboo after realizing her feelings. sometimes, she felt like she was in a movie and she would get those stupid butterflies.

and that was it. wanting to make it an even number, angelina lay in her bed, unable to sleep. so much was on her mind, her thoughts full of ranboo, and the final song.

turning to her side to see across the room, olive was dead asleep. soft snores came from her end, and a book was barely in the reach of her hand as it dangled off the side. angelina caught eye of the title ━ pride and prejudice.