The week has been busy and its all thanks to Tatiana, I mean, how could this girl do this?
She wants us to make changes to the schedules and make most of the children, if not all, join her hiking class.
She explained to Ms. Waters how this could be important for the children's growth physically and mentally. I think Ms. Waters is just tired from Tatiana's constant bugging that she just said yes, I mean, Hello! This is a language camp. Children came here to learn another language, its not like an actual summer camp where they mostly do physical activities and outdoor stuff.
"I think she's doing this to keep you away from the Prince." Chloe told me.
"And she succeeded. Hurray for her." I said, wildly pissed off by the amount of work we have now because of her.
"I really hate her, you know, she's acting like some kind of royalty when in fact she isn't even a Pelipian. What I hate most is that she's bossing us around kindly that it would be rude to be rude." Diane said.
She's always asking us around for things like "Could you please get me some water", "Would you please be kind enough and provide me a paper", "Can you please call from the stables and check the condition and availability of horses", "Will you please ask Ms. Waters about..... This....that...", its exhausting! Really! Ms. Waters has assigned us to assist her, I wonder if he asked for us. The work has been doubled. What happened to her being here for only twice a week? She's not staying here but she's almost here everyday, so what's the point.
She's been following Louie around camp everytime that, sometimes Louie looks like he's pissed off that he just go out the camp and come back hours later.
Everytime Louie is talking with me, she'll always come around and join the conversation, like we are really that close.
1 more month of this, I can't barely wait to get out. I enjoy being here at camp, I like the work load, making me feel like I've accomplished a lot everytime, I love my new friends, Chloe and Diane has been always at my back and supporting me with Louie besides the number of looks I get from camp.
I've been popular lately, some people I don't even know would greet me as I pass by, sometimes I would get rolling eyes or snickers. Its really disturbing but Chloe and Diane would always make me feel good.
"They're just jealous Cassey, no one has ever gone out with the Prince." Diane would tell me.
"They just can't take their freaking ugly face and soul." Chloe will say.
And we'll just laugh it off, that is how I survive day by day. Sometimes it makes me not want to meet Louie, it could have made me more friends, but Louie is really a good friend to me now, and I'm glad to be friends with him, besides the treatment I get because of that.
He's pretty well aware of that too. He always tells me sorry whenever we are talking and notice some girls looking over at us. Now, he just talks to me whenever we are alone, he avoids talking to me in public and I thank him for that, though we always make eye contacts, and brief smiles.
I miss my bestfriend Priscilla. If she's here, she'll be saying "what are you looking at? You fugly bitch" to everyone who'll make mean looks to me. She's in a Carribean tour for the rest of the summer and we promised not to make any contact with each other to make our vacation more exciting. Aaron and Dylan, on the other hand will just skate their summers away.
Back in New York, we are just doofuses hanging around at our shop. No one ever notices us aside from the constant His and Hellos we get from frequent customers.
This attention is nothing that I ever wanted. I never want to be the one who people talk about, good or bad. I'm just a person who's fine in the sidelines.
What about 10 years after, when Papai would finally retire and leave the place to mom. Would we be leaving New York and stay here in Pelipia for good? Will I ever get used to being Lady Cassena and bring manners to myself? I'm nothing close to being a noble.
I have never thought about what would happen to my future after knowing that Papai is an Earl and I can be soon taking his place if ever everything goes to plan.
Will this attention be over if the Prince already choose her princess? What if I'll be the princess, I can be that! They've already prospect me to be, so why can't I say that to myself? Will I get used to attention if ever I'll be the future Queen of Pelipia?
I would love to be a Princess. Even as a kid, I've always imagined meeting the royal family, though now I know why I didn't. But, with the exposure and attention that is going to be focused to me if ever that happens? I don't think I can take it, it has just been weeks now, but its already driving me crazy, and I'm not even a true princess, not even near.
There are times when I'm thinking, if I was fostered in this land, Would these things never bother me? Would these make me go mad, just as what mom is trying to tell me?
Calix and the Prince has already told me a lot of times that I am lucky to have a mom like mine. A mom who thinks about the future of her child first. But this is just too much of a change for me, imagine getting hold of a whole town someday when I don't even know how to take care of my own. I can't even decide what field to take, what more for the whole town.
I'm not mad at mom for making decisions for me, I mean I got mad at first, but I seem to get why she did this sometimes. Papai and Mamu wouldn't have agreed if they know that this thing would not do any good to me.
Maybe that's just how thing goes, you cannot have both ways.
Are there other people there who's experiencing what I do now? Are there other nobles who wasn't told they are until something or someone has provoked it?
How did they cope up? How did they get used to this world. I haven't even told anyone about it, Priscilla would freak out, that I'm sure of.
Maybe I just need time, but my problem is how long. What if I never get to realize anything at all, the poor people of Clemens. What would happen to them?
Do I have the courage of someone to guide the town? I hope to get the courage of Queen Elizabeth, she has been in throne for such a long time but it looks like she handles it well all the time. She even has time to walk her dog.
But what if this is really my call? What if its really what is meant for me, to serve the people of Pelipia. I always have Pelipia in my heart even when in New York, I'm a proud Pelipian.
I always doubt myself about everything. I do well in school, its not that I'm in honors, but I haven't flunked any courses ever. A lot of people have admired me for doing this or that, I'll be proud of myself but only for a short while and then I won't feel confident again and just think how useless I am.
I'm just too confused with everything even before I knew about being a noble. Im always scared as to what my future will be. I want to be successful but I don't know how I can be. They say to do what you love but my problem is I don't even know what I love. But now that I have something that I can possibly be in the future, something that might actually happen, a path that is now being build for me, I'm still scared, more scared, I'm just not scared for myself anymore, but for everyone who will have to be under my rule someday.
I'm just really scared, really really scared, Im too confused.
