My Name Is Depression

Chapter 15

I never imagined being at peace with Nico. I thought opening up the wounds and telling my story would destroy me even more. 'Yong tipong hindi ko manlang mabuksan ang labi ko para magsalita.

I thought no words would come out from my mouth, to tell my story; the pain and memories I had. Knowing that lots of us, including me, we we'll be having a hard time to even give a clue or hints about our past. It's difficult because what we went through is not that easy, it's not easy to speak up and tell your own darkness and nightmares. But with Nico, I was able to express my pain and agony.

I unconsciously opened up the wounds and told him my past, without even noticing it. It just came out. My heart willingly let myself go. Let the pain go.

Kasi ang akala ko kapag nag-salita ka, lalo kang masasaktan dahil ang mga sugat na bubuksan mo ay sariwa pa. But in my case, I still feel pain but I'm at ease as well. My heart feels warm and I don't why I'm feeling this when I just reminisce the past earlier.

I'm still in pain but something changed. I just don't know what it is...

"Malaya, hindi ka ba nilalamig?"

Nagblinked ako ng ilang beses before turning my gaze at Nico. He was staring at me while I could see the droplets of rain coming down from his forehead to the tip of his nose.

I smiled at him bago umiling.

"Look, we're both wet na dahil sa rain!" I exclaimed before laughing.

I can feel my eyes still swelling but I couldn't care less. Hindi rin naman pinapansin ni Nico and I'm thankful for that.

Tumingin ulit ako kay Nico kasi hindi siya sumagot sa'kin. I caught him still staring at me pero umiwas din dahil lumingon ako sa kaniya.

He coughed before staring at the ocean. The sky is dark as well as the clouds because of the heavy rain. The wind is kind of harshly blowing but it doesn't hurt our skin. I can hear the ocean's harsh waves and see how it turns dark because of the reflection of the sky.

"I hope you choose to continue fighting. I hope you choose to live despite the hardships you were facing and about to face," he spoke.

I glanced at him. Kahit umuulan ay kita ko ang maliit na smile niya sa labi.

"Because you deserve to live. You deserve to see how beautiful life is despite everything you have experienced. You deserve to be happy and be at peace," he stopped talking and glanced at me. "Alam kong wala ako sa posisyon para sabihin sa iyo na piliin mo ang mabuhay dahil hindi ko naman alam kung gaano kahirap ang pinagdaanan mo. What I'm trying to say is you have not yet experienced the beauty of life to the fullest so please, keep fighting, and keep it in your mind that you're not the only one who's fighting. We're here to fight alongside you. You're not alone because we're all here for you."

I quietly listen to what he was saying and I can feel how sincere he is, while watching the ocean waves.

"But if the day comes that you're already tired, then rest. Take a deep breathe and clear your mind. I know it's hard pero wala naman sigurong madali sa mundo? Lahat kailangan paghirapan. Kailangan mo ilaan ang dugo at pawis mo para makuha ang isang bagay. You need to exert a huge effort in order for you to accomplish it," he stopped talking and then breathe in. "Marami kang pwedeng lapitan. Kung ayaw mo sa tao, kung hindi ka komportable sa'min, you can seek help from nature." He spread his arms and look up. Feeling the warmth of the air and rain.

"Like this. Hindi man nakakapagsalita ang kalikasan pero nararamdaman naman niya ang nararamdaman mo. I don't know why but sometimes the weather relates to your emotions. Just like right now, you were in pain and it's raining. And rain symbolizes the feeling of depression, darkness, and exhaustion. It is because of the sudden shift of the atmosphere which makes you feel so gloomy and it can relate to the same melancholy that you were feeling."