I'm just tired. Honestly, my emotions are slowly drowning. Breathing is hard when you cry so much; it makes you realize things that aren't easy to digest. Living is so hard, as well as the guts on fighting for it. Everything is hard that you just want to end your life to stop the pain that burns you throughout the never-ending torture.
I am currently staring at the water that continuously flows outside of the tub, reminding me of the painful memories that have stabbed me up until now. It slowly haunts me from the darkest of its origins, bringing me into the deepest part of darkness and leaving me alone without any hunch. I can't see a glimpse of any light either. I can't see anything but the dark.
On the other hand, across the tub was a mirror that seemed to alter the light and caught my attention. There was a girl—a girl that looked like me—who could barely speak. Only the trigger of her doubts motions her weary eyes, expressing the screams and squeals. Created with just a pure canvas, her expression was painted with deep scars and scattered strings, with a few signs of anticipation, aiming to be able to grind and survive. A tired physique looking upon and wishing the sparse of my outstanding hopes gathered into a bright place.
My eyes and tears were begging for help, but my mouth was completely closed. Silently pleading for some salvation to spare me from distress. I didn't realize that I was underneath the water and gradually submerged. I was struggling to pick up the shattered pieces of my soul, but something was grabbing me to the hell hole of the tenebrosity.
Whispers of voices inside my head started telling me to just let the depth of my melancholy perish, such soul like mine, because no one wanted me. I was entirely useless, and everyone despised me. If I vanish like how the ashes easily immerse with the ground, nobody's going to grieve for me. I'm suffocating, running out of exhalation, and weeping, but I can't do anything but let the murk succumb to my existence.
My vision is starting to get cloudy. I can't understand the rhythm of the water. My body shuddered uncontrollably. I felt like my chest was going to explode because I was running out of oxygen.
There's a small volume of light peeking through the thick mist, trying to envelope me with hope and determination; a thin amount of energy is surfacing, and I lose my consciousness.
Roses are dead, violets are dying; outside, I'm smiling, and inside, I'm crying.
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If you want mental health assistance, you can contact one of the following free crisis hotlines, which are available nationwide:
• National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) Crisis Hotline at 09178998727 or 79898727
• In-Touch Crisis Line at 88937603, 09178001123 or 09228938944
• You may also check the Psychological Association of the Philippines' list of centers offering free online psychological services (Facebook page).
• DOH Mental Health Psychosocial Support Team. Monday – Friday, 8:00 am to 12:00 midnight. 0916 343 7016 or 0933 644 3488
BINABASA MO ANG
My Name Is Depression
General FictionDISTURBIA SERIES #1 Malaya Eleanor was once filled with hope. A woman who was passionate about anything she does. She enjoys speaking up and sharing her ideas and opinions, but she eventually lost her voice. She was a victim of sexual assault. A vic...
