LUST | SDS Present ✔ (TO BE EDITED)

Chapter 36

"Welcome home, Miss Williams." Naka-ngiting sabi sa akin ng condo agent kasabay nang pag-abot nya ng susi ng bago kong unit.

Isang maliit na ngiti lang ang isinukli ko sa kanya bago kinuha ang susi. Napansin siguro nya ang katahimikan ko kaya nag-paalam na sya. Bumuntong-hininga ako bago linibot ang mga mata ko sa bago kong tutuluyan. The unit is just small but it's still spacious. I can afford a bigger one pero ako lang naman mag-isa so I didn't bother. Ang mahalaga ay may bago akong titirhan.

I can't move freely in my former unit. Everywhere I look, I see Hugo. I remember every detail about him in just a mere glance of an object. At kapag ganoon na ay natatameme na ako. Parang tinatakasan ako ng sarili kong kaluluwa sa tuwing naaalala ko si Hugo: ang nakakaasar nyang ngisi, ang mayabang nyang aura, ang umaapaw nyang kakulitan at lalo na ang pagpaparamdam nya sa akin kung gaano nya ako kamahal.

I feel hollow inside and the past two weeks has been hard for me. I am literally dysfunctional as I cannot concentrate in everything I do. I miss Hugo so much that it makes me weep whenever I think about him. Walang araw na hindi ko pinag-sisihan ang desisyong ginawa ko. Gustong-gusto ko syang puntahan para bawiin ang pakikipag-hiwalay ko sa kanya pero alam ko sa sarili ko na kapag ginawa ko iyon ay hindi kami tuluyang magiging masaya.

Kahit alam kong masasaktan kaming dalawa ay dapat lang na mag-hiwalay na kami. I am getting toxic as days pass by and it's a fact I have been trying to avoid. I know to myself what my shortcomings are and I am determined to fill them in in order to be a better version of myself. I have so many versions but this time, I want it to be my last, to be my permanent version, the real Sierra.

Ilang oras na akong naka-pikit pero hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng tulog kaya naman inis akong umupo. Hindi ko alam kung namamahay ba ako o minumulto ako ng kahapon. Naramdaman ko ang pag-kirot ng puso ko nang maalala si Hugo dahil kapag ganitong hindi ako maka-tulog ay yinayakap nya ako nang mahigpit.

Pinunasan ko ang mga mata ko para pigilan ang pag-tulo ng mga luha ko. Paulit-ulit akong huminga nang malalim hanggang sa maramdaman kong bahagya na akong kumalma. I pursed my lips before I stood and opened the lights.

I took my journal from my bag then I went to the mini balcony. The cold breeze welcomed me but it cannot be compared to my dead heart. Maraming bituin na kumokontra sa madilim na langit kaya sandali ko muna itong pinagmasdan. How I wish you're here with me to appreciate this amazing view, Hugo.

I heaved a deep sigh before I put my journal down on the table and when I opened it, I started pouring my feelings as if Hugo can feel them.

Entry #12

You're the most irritating person I've ever met. You never failed in making me regret in meeting you however, you slowly built my world. I may not be the sweetest person in the world but believe me, Hugo, I love you so damn much. In every day we were together, I always wish that everytime I hold your hand, you can see how much you mean to me because Hugo, what you think your meaning to me is so much more than that.

I also appreciate the times whenever you hug me tight because you made me feel loved and understood. I can already imagine you grinning at me and it annoys me but let me still tell you this, you have such a beautiful face and a playful behavior yet a generous heart that made me fall for you hard. But, Hugo, focus on this, you made me feel how hard you fell for me too. You made me feel your love for me in every way you know how and I am grateful for that because you gave me the strength I need whenever we're afar.

Hugo, you are more than I deserve and even though you'll tease me for this, I'll still say it anyway; I am the luckiest woman in the world for being loved and cared by the great Hugo Martin Guillermo.