LUST | SDS Present ✔ (TO BE EDITED)

Chapter 35

"Did you talk already?"

For the first time in three days, someone had the guts to ask me about us. However, even though I have the perfect answer, a cat got my tongue. Iniisip ko pa nga lang ang nangyari ng gabing iyon ay parang hihimatayin na ako sa sakit kaya hindi ko makayanang pag-usapan ang kahit ano mang may koneksyon doon.

I know everyone who knew about Hugo's proposal and my rejection to it are asking why. It's surprising that a woman like me refused to marry a man like Hugo. At first, I was certain that I will fight for my love for Hugo but when I saw him risking his chance of happy ending just to marry me, I cowered.

I was elated, no, I was more than honored to be his wife but my rejection is the only way to keep us away from hurting each other. No one may understand my reasons but that's fine as long as I push Hugo away before he get broken because of me.

"We'll talk when I got the courage I need." Sagot ko bago bumalik sa pag-kain.

Bumuntong-hininga naman si Mirae bago ko naramdaman ang mariin nyang titig. Pilit ko itong hindi pinansin kahit pa unti-unti na akong naiirita.

"Hindi ka ba nya sinubukang kausapin?" Tanong pa nya.

Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang kutsara para pigilan ang sarili na ibunton kay Mirae ang frustrations ko.

"He did not. He did not run after me when I left. He did not call me either." Mahina kong sagot habang nasa plato pa rin ang tingin.

"As expected. Nasaktan sya."

"Sinaktan ko sya bago pa sya masira." Walang-buhay kong sabi bago tumayo at umalis.

Nawalan na ako ng ganang kumain. Remembering Hugo's tears tightens my chest. It feels like air is being forced out of my lungs whenever I think of Hugo's lost eyes as he tried to find mine. The guilt inside me is killing me every day.

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko nang makita si Hugo di-kalayuan sa pwesto ko. Dahil lunch time, walang gaanong tao sa hallway pero parang kaming dalawa lang ni Hugo ang nandito.

Hanggang ngayon ay pareho pa rin ang epekto nya sa akin. Just a mere glance at him can take my breath away but it can make my heartrate race at the same time. However, his sad eyes stand out that caused me to look away because I can't bear looking at my masterpiece.

"Let's talk." He said, enough for me to hear but the plea in his voice is too visible not to notice.

Before I could even answer, he turned his back on me so I assumed he wants me to follow him. Mapaglaro nga naman ang tadhana. Kung kailan wala pa akong lakas ng loob ay doon pa kami pinag-tagpo ni Hugo. Pero hindi ba mas mabuti na ito? The earlier we end this, the sooner he will move on.

My heart ache at the thought of him slowly forgetting me but I need to endure it for his sake. Tumikhim ako sa pagbabaka-sakaling mawala ang kabang bumabara sa lalamunan ko pero walang epekto kaya wala akong choice kundi tahimik na sumunod kay Hugo.

Kahit maingay sa garden ay mas nangingibabaw pa rin ang malakas na tibok ng puso ko. Hugo chose a spot far from the students but today, I want to be close to them. The silence between us and the visible tension frightens me.

"I'm sorry."

Hugo was the one who broke the silence. Sandali akong nagulat bago ko sya tinignan. Naabutan ko syang naka-tingin sa akin kaya mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin. Napa-pikit ako para pigilan ang sarili na umiyak. The pain in his voice and eyes breaks me.

"I'm sorry kung ngayon lang kita pinuntahan. And I'm sorry for proposing."

Mabilis ko syang tinignan dahil sa sinabi. His eyes are now shining with tears that makes me want to hug him. To tell him not to cry because I am not worthy for his tears. But I just sat still, I just watched him get hurt because I am doing nothing.