Stop Me Going Home (REVAMPED)

Chapter 23

That whole night is a blur now. That freak out at two in the morning really threw Gerard off. He was woken up by Frank, who was having a panic attack, which ultimately sent Gerard into a panic attack not too long after Frank's started. Gerard vaguely remembers his brother holding him back after Ray got the door open, telling him something along the lines of "Don't look, you don't want to see this."

He knows Mikey was holding him back as Ray was dealing with Frank, but Gerard still managed to catch a glimpse of all the blood through the crack of the door. There was so much blood—and it belonged to Frank. The sickness in his stomach after seeing that was almost unbearable, he's almost glad Ray came out of the bathroom to tell him and Mikey to start packing. He needed a distraction at that moment.

Remembering what happened when they got to the hospital hurts. Everyone knew that Frank not only hated hospitals, but he was terribly afraid of them, but none of them were ready for him to put up such a fight. Dealing with Frank is hard enough by itself, but dealing with him while he's so exhausted and upset and panicking at four in the morning in the parking lot of the emergency room because he's mad that Ray lied and afraid to go in, is so much worse.

Gerard didn't think it was possible for Frank to decline any more than he had already, but that endeavor in the parking lot proved him wrong. That was bad, but Frank screaming at Gerard was what did it. He wanted Gerard to do something. He wanted Gerard to take him somewhere else, and when Ray finally got fed up and lost his patience, he started dragging Frank away from Gerard, and towards the emergency room entrance. Frank was loosing his shit, screaming for help from Gerard, screaming at Mikey, and cursing Ray.

"You were supposed to love me!" Is the one that stung the most. Gerard does love Frank, and that's why he was standing back with Mikey holding onto him, watching Ray pull Frank through the doors as he thrashed around.

When they got inside, it didn't take long for them to sedate Frank after Ray got him to a room. Gerard and Mikey stayed out in the waiting room, and Ray went out and sat next to them after around half an hour of being back there. After Ray had talked to the doctors, he was told that they wanted to admit him to the psychiatric unit, but were unsure if they were going to be able to without talking to him first. Gerard knows that Frank isn't going to agree to stay, but he honestly is starting to think that would be safer for him.

Gerard can't keep him safe, he knows that now. He can't keep an eye on him around the clock without coming off as an asshole. It just isn't possible. If Gerard had the ability to decide, he would have Frank stay here. He doesn't think he'd care if Frank ended up hating him because of it. He's not so sure Frank doesn't already hate him, anyway. Either way, he'd rather Frank be alive and hate him, than be dead and love him. No matter what though, Gerard will always love Frank.

That's why he's still here, sitting in the waiting room with his other best friends. Gerard doesn't know if they stayed for him or Frank or for both of them or themselves, but he's glad that he's not alone. They all have had a rough night, and the sun isn't even up yet. Last Gerard knew, it was four thirty in the morning, and that was because he checked the time just before Ray came back. Gerard held onto Ray when he came back and sat with him. Selfishly for his own comfort, but partly for his friend, too. Ray told him that he knows Frank didn't mean a word he said when he was screaming at him, but Gerard knows that those words stung him more than Ray would ever admit. They're still in that waiting room, waiting for an update.

Eventually, a nurse comes to them and Gerard starts to get his hopes up, but she was only there to tell them that the cafeteria would be open in a few minutes if they were hungry. Truth be told, Gerard was getting hungry, but not enough to leave his seat and risk being gone if he were to get an update on Frank. Mikey has other ideas, though, so he asks if Gerard or Ray want anything before leaving to get the three of them coffee.