Snowbaz Fanfic

Isolation

Simon

It's  Baz's final semester and he's cramming like hell.

He nearly stopped visiting and Penny says it's normal to be under stress for the final semester. But he can do literally everything, why would this be hard for him?

It's just a couple of lesson's worth of information, right? I honestly have no clue, I'm spit-balling.

Whatever it is, it's taking a bloody hell of a toll on him. He wasn't even replying to our calls for a while. It was only when I actually tried to meet up with him that I got to know, he was isolating himself.

According to his siblings, he hadn't even gone out for an entire week, nor eaten for 2 days. I asked to meet him and and was reluctantly sent to his bedroom.

I walk in and he's on his bed, crouched over a bunch of papers and notes. He looks paler than usual- and weaker.

I give a slight knock on the door and he jerks up, looking disoriented. 

"Hey..."

"Simon?" He looks so tired. Crowley, when did he last sleep?

"I heard about your finals and well, how they're affecting you." I cut straight to the chase, no point in beating around a bush. This was serious, how was all this affecting him this bad?!

"Seriously, Snow. You don't have to worry about me and show up at my house when I don't come around for a few days. You've got your own stuff to deal with, remember?"

He was right, I had skipped a therapy session to be here right now, but it was worth it. 

"I do. That's kind of a part of the whole "happy boyfriends" deal, you know?" I give him a smile and am genuinely relieved when he returns it.

"So, what are we eating?" I ask, shifting around some pens and papers to make place for myself on his bed.

He cocked an eyebrow without looking up from the sheet in his hand.

"I know that you haven't eaten since, like, 2 days." 

His smile fades and he buries his head even further, blocking out my view of him. 

"Hey," I reach out for his face, "What's wrong?"

He's now looking up at me and I think he wants to cry. He shakes his head, making me move my hand, and dismisses my question. 

"Come on," I try to lift his head up again and that's when my fingers touch his cheeks, now drenched with tears. 

"You want to know what's wrong?" I nod at his now slightly red, flushed face- I guess he hasn't been totally hungry.

He stared at me for a while with the most brutal expression, before breaking down- voice cracking and all.

"I'm worried about you, Simon! You've been so down for so long and I don't know what to do about it. I don't visit you for a week and look what's going on right now. You're standing here in my room! You haven't even moved from your sofa since months- just think, think, how worried I have been about you?"

I was speechless. Was I the reason he was doing so bad?

After a few moments of me not replying and him staring at me wide-eyed, he continued, this time with anger rather than sympathy.

"I care so much, Snow! But you, you're making it harder everyday... I just- I don't want to see you spiral down like this. I miss you!"

"I'm... I'm right here," was all I could conjure.

"No, you're not. You're just a-" He stopped before he spoke too much. He was definitely holding words back and to be honest, I'm not that mad about it.

But I wanted to know too. I was just what?

"Just?" I tried asking in the kindest way possible.

"Nothing. I need to prepare right now. Bye." 

"No, no- Say it, Baz," I slipped the papers out of his hand.

He looked at me blankly. "You're just... a hollow shell, nowadays."

"Oh." I don't blame him. I wasn't myself lately. I was hurting him in all ways possible.

"Look, I'll... I'll try to do better. But please don't let me come in the way of your daily life.

"I'll- I'll get up off the sofa everyday and I'll walk around! I'll look at some birds outside and read a book and be perfectly hydrated! Hell, I'll make us breakfast- I promise.

"Just- don't- Like I don't- just."

He was a bit less sad, that's for sure and my superficial rant had certainly gotten a chuckle or two out of him. I guess I just needed to be my regular old mess of a self- that was enough. Being me was enough, I think the magic really didn't matter much after all.

"I'll improve, Baz, I will." I look him in the eye, not quite sure what we were arguing about in the first place. 

He's looking at me in the softest way he has since weeks, and finally, his smile has returned to those thin lips of his. 

"Thank you." He whispered, his tears leaving behind trails that disappeared under the brush of my fingertips.

A few moments pass with just us admiring each other's presence. I missed him so much. So, so much.

He looked back his books for a second, then back at me, another one of his precious smiles painting his grey face with joyful colours. 

"So, you mentioned something about eating?"

"Let's go out?" I grinned back at him, a change of scenery would be good for us both.

"It's a date."