Difference Between

Chapter 4 - Fatherly Advice

I never sleep in on Saturdays. Partly because it's nice to get a headstart on chores before anyone else is up. But mostly because I get some time to video call Dad before Don gets up. Dad lives about an hour away, and it's too much of a hassle to drive there to visit unless it's a holiday, so video call has to do for now.

After I clean my room, clean the bathroom, and load up the laundry, I crawl out my bedroom window and sit on the roof. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with the cold autumn morning air. The sun is just above the horizon, but no one is out and about yet. The only movement I can see is the dead leaves swirling in the breeze, and the only sound I hear is the dead leaves scraping against the ground.

I put my earbuds in and call Dad. A moment later, his face pops up on my screen. He smiles at me, but there are bags under his eyes. His auburn hair is sticking up in different directions, and there's a pencil behind one ear and a pen behind the other. It looks like he's sitting on the floor in front of his couch, and there are stacks of papers spread all across the cushions. If I had to guess, there are papers all over the ground, and the coffee table has microwave meal wrappers on them.

"Long night?" I ask.

He nods. "Kind of. Just got caught up in some things."

"Some things" as in he runs an advice column for a living, and he has a tendency to stay up really late - if not all night - trying to think of the perfect piece of advice. Mom and Dad never really told me and Don why they divorced. Just the standard "it's not because of you guys" and "sometimes people just drift apart," but we're pretty sure this is part of the reason why. I guess it feels like Dad cares more about helping other people than he does about us. Maybe that's where Don gets his Socrates from... But at least Dad always makes time for us when he can. Like these Saturday calls.

"So how was your week?" He takes the pencil out from behind his ear and chews on the eraser. "Anything new I should know about?"

I give him something between an actual smile and a distressed look. "Oh... where to start..." Actually though...does he know that Mom and Kean are dating? Is it my place to tell him? If I don't, though, who will? "So I don't know if you know this, but Mom and Kean are dating."

Dad furrows his eyebrows, taking the pencil out of his mouth. "Kean Halloway? Like Marcus' dad?" I nod. His frown deepens. "How do you feel about it?"

"I--" I sit up, shaking my head. "Me? What about you?"

Dad offers me a smile. "Ashlyn, your mom and I are divorced."

"But that doesn't mean you can't feel something about it."

He shrugs. "It bothers me a little bit, but your mom has every right to date who she wants to." He pauses, his face scrunching up a little. "Scratch that. She has every right to date who she wants to with you and your brother's feelings in mind." A crease forms between his eyebrows. "Are you okay with this?"

"No," I blurt. "I'm not." It's probably the first time I've explicitly said this out loud. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my free arm around it. I rest my chin on my knee and hold my phone out. "It's not about Kean. I like him. He's a nice person. But when he and Mom first told us, Marcus and I kind of looked at each other, and I think we both agreed to tolerate each other for their sake. And Don keeps implying that I'm selfish if I end up doing something that makes Mom and Kean break up."

"So you're feeling a lot of pressure?"

"Yes."

This is why I love talking to Dad. I come to him for most things. Even more so than Mom. He'll sit and listen and say the things that no one else will say. Good or bad. And never in a way that makes me feel attacked. I guess it's just nice to feel heard. Dad has even looked into history just so he'll get the references when I use them. Even on the rare occasions where I feel like I can't say anything to anybody, I make a fake email and send it to his advice column. But I haven't done that in a few years. There hasn't been anything that I can't say to Dad in person. So far.