Difference Between

Chapter 21 - Rooftop Advice

The Halloways are coming over to our house this week for dinner. I do my fair share of cooking and setting up the table before retreating up to my room when there are about thirty minutes before they should arrive. I shut myself in and pace the room, playing with the Key of Bastille and butterfly charm. When that's not enough to distract me, I throw open my window and sit on the roof. I put on headphones, turn on a podcast, and stare up at the relatively cloudless sky, running the key's teeth along my palm.

It feels like only a split second passes when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn my head to see Marcus sitting next to me. Oh shit, they're here already?

I take out my headphones and turn to him. "Hey."

"Hey." He looks out at the neighborhood. "Why're you out here?"

"Just thinking." I wind the cord around my hand, glancing at Marcus. "Why are you out here?"

"Your mom sent me to get you. I would've waited for you to answer the door, but I saw you up here when we were driving in."

I nod. "Cool. I'll be down in a minute."

Marcus nods, but he doesn't make any move to leave. "What were you thinking about?"

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Here we go... Again. But repetition doesn't seem to make this any easier. "How to apologize to you." He glances at me, waiting for me to keep going. I play with my bracelet. "It's just..." Where do I even start...? "I'm sorry about basically telling you to fuck off when you were just trying to make sure I was okay."

Marcus sits back on his hands. "Why'd you do it then?"

I exhale, running a hand through my hair. "I don't know. I guess I don't really think we're okay."

"Then why'd you--?"

"Because that's the standard thing to say after you apologize to someone and they apologize to you."

Marcus hesitates. In a quiet voice, he says, "I thought we were okay."

I glance at him. "Really?"

He nods. "I mean, I know we get in a lot of fights. I get annoyed with you a lot. I'm sure you get annoyed with me a lot, but it's not like I didn't care about you or wanted to not care about you."

I grip the Key of Bastille. "Sometimes it feels like you don't care. Especially when you tell me things like you think I don't appreciate people in my life."

"And it feels like you don't care when you say that's not true, you just don't appreciate me."

I shut my eyes, letting out a breath. "Yeah... that's fair..." I open my eyes and study him. "But I do appreciate you, just so you know. I think you're rude and blunt sometimes, but I appreciate you." He shoots me a playful glare, and I return it with a grin before looking back out at the street. "I appreciate that we can have moments like this when we're not arguing. And I appreciate that you understand me in a way. I guess I'm just always on edge around you because of fifth grade."

Marcus nods, resting his arms on top of his knees. He looks down at his hands and then at me. "Do you get why I said what I did in fifth grade?"

I shrug. "I always just assumed it was because you didn't care all that much about history and found my references annoying."

He lets out a light laugh. "You're not completely wrong." He quickly sobers and glances at me. "That's not entirely it, though, Aaron Burr."

Despite the blood rushing through my head, I have to laugh, but I don't look at him. I focus on the Key of Bastille in my hand. "You figured it out?"