Difference Between

Chapter 11 - Motherly Advice

After I finish all my homework, I head downstairs to the study room where Mom usually does her work. Sure enough, I find her sitting at the desk with her head bent over some tests. I inch away from the door and lean against the wall directly next to it. Mom asked me if we could talk about what happened earlier today later, and it's later now. I had practice talking about it with Tobias and August already, but it feels different with Mom. Maybe that's because Tobias and August don't think I'm in the wrong, but that's not a guarantee with Mom. She's already told me that I am in the wrong before. I don't see why she wouldn't say the same this time.

But I have to get this over with at some point. Mom isn't the type of person to forget about a conversation like this. Especially since I literally burst into her classroom today. Plus I usually help her grade without question, so if I don't, it would probably give her another reason to be suspicious about what's happening.

I inhale and step into view. I knock on the door, and she glances up. "Do you need help grading now?" I ask.

Mom smiles at me. "If you're not busy."

"Not at the moment."

Mom splits her ungraded pile in half and slides it over to me as I sit on the other side of the desk. She gives me a copy of the answer key, too, and I pick up a pen. But before I start grading, she says, "If you see August's test, give it to me."

I blink. "Why?"

"Because you might be a little biased when you grade him."

I guess that makes sense. "Okay. But after you grade his test, tell me what he got, so I can tell him."

Mom nods, studying me. That's my cue to focus on grading. But I still feel Mom's gaze on me no matter how much I try to get lost in marking questions wrong.

"I've been meaning to ask if you're feeling any better," Mom says slowly.

Here we go... I nod. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"You know... Tobias didn't tell me why he needed to talk to you, but he was really adamant about it." I don't bother looking at Mom. I know she's staring at me, though. Willing me to meet her eyes. "Did you work everything out?"

I shrug, comparing the answers with the answer key. "Yeah. I guess. I'm closer with Tobias now." That's one thing I know for sure. Even if he's stupid.

"Good." I hear the smile in Mom's voice. But I can tell it slips when she says, "And what did he have to talk to you about?"

I guess she's gonna keep asking until I give her an actual answer. I swallow and set my pen down. I sit back, looking at Mom. Her expression is neutral, but her gaze feels a little too intense for me. I don't let myself look away, though.

I cross my arms over my chest and shrug. "We were just talking about..."

Talking about what? I don't want to say that I was fighting with Marcus. I mean, Mom guessed earlier today, but still. She doesn't need me to confirm it. But what else would Tobias talk to me about other than Marcus? That's the only thing that would make sense. Except we did talk about August a little bit. But I'm not bringing that up to Mom. I'd rather sit in a room with the actual Socrates and listen to him talk to me nonstop.

I swallow, tightening my arms around my chest. "Marcus. We were talking about Marcus."

Mom sits forward, clasping her hands on the desk. "What about Marcus?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. Just about how Marcus and I argue a lot."

She nods slowly, her eyes narrowing. "Did you get in a fight earlier today? And that's why you were upset when you came into class?" I hesitate, and that pretty much tells Mom everything she needs to know. She sighs and clasps her hands a little more tightly together. Her voice comes out gentle when she asks, "What were you arguing about? Are you ready to talk about it with me?"

No. I don't think I'll ever be ready to talk to her about it. Especially when I'm still thinking about how she sided with Marcus before. And how Don tells me letting Mom know that Marcus and I aren't on good terms makes me Patrick Henry. But saying flat out no feels too rude. So I shrug instead. Mom takes it as a yes and her eyes light up a little. She nods at me encouragingly.

"We were talking about Lafayette," I say. Mom laughs softly, but she lets me keep talking. "And Marcus told me it must be tiring to look for someone exactly like Lafayette. And I guess he's not wrong, but then he said that I glorify historical figures so much that I don't appreciate anyone in my life."

Mom furrows her eyebrows. "He said that?" I nod. Mom purses her lips. "Huh... And did you say anything before that to make him say that to you?"

I blink. "No... I was just talking about Lafayette..."

"Why? You know that Marcus doesn't like it when you talk about history. He's made that pretty clear."

I feel that weird in-between heaviness again where I'm not exactly mad but not calm either. I try to pull it back to being calm, but the heaviness isn't budging. The best I can do is keep my voice even as I explain, "Tobias was asking me who my first crush was. I said Lafayette because that's the truth. I was just answering a question."

"You could've said someone else." The heaviness tilts towards anger, but I keep my mouth shut. Mom sees that as an invitation to lecture me about being more considerate and careful about what I say around Marcus. I'm a little surprised my teeth don't crack by the end of it. Especially when she finishes with, "Just be nice to Marcus."

I nod, picking up my pen and turning back to grading. "Right... I'll just be nice to Marcus and hope he doesn't antagonize me anymore. Good thinking, Mom."

"Ashlyn," she warns. "Watch your tone. And anyway, if you don't provoke him, he doesn't have a reason to provoke you."

Except I literally didn't provoke him. Or at least I don't think I did. I was just answering Tobias' question. And giving August more details about Lafayette. Marcus was the one that started it. Even August and Tobias saw that. So what is it with my family thinking I'm always in the wrong? Or at least Mom and Don think that. Dad seems to be a little more sympathetic. That just reminds me that I should really talk to him soon.

I grip my pen with one hand and play with my necklace with the other. "I don't provoke him. He just said that to me because I was answering Tobias' question."

"Still. Just be careful about what you say around him."

I grit my teeth and nod. Probably better if I don't say anything at this point. I have no idea what's gonna come out of my mouth. All I know is I'm definitely gonna regret it if I say something right now. Whether I tell Mom calmly or not, I'll end up feeling bad because no matter what, she'll think I don't want to be on good terms with Marcus.

Which isn't true. Not when my favorite memory literally includes him. And not when it's one of the things I think about whenever we interact. Good or bad. But I'm not gonna make that clear. I know that.

Mom smiles and reaches out, putting her hand on mine. It takes way too much effort to stop myself from pulling away. "Good. I hope things will be better between you two."

I nod, watching Mom go back to grading. I really hope things get better between me and Marcus, too. But I have a feeling it's not gonna happen anytime soon. Not with how things are going now.