Finding You

Chapter 28

My God what the fuck am I doing. I don't even fully understand what I feel, but I need to see him. Maybe I've felt something for him this whole time but never knew it until now. Or maybe I always knew, deep down, but those feelings where clouded by fear. Fear that if I reacted on those emotions that they would destroy what was left of me if they tore apart the friendship Sebastian and I had for silly feelings. Fear. It's a funny thing, it can make you do what you want the most more than anything, or rip away what you wanted most right from your fingertips.

Pulling into Sebastian's parking lot, my hands stuck to the steering wheel straight in front of me, not knowing if I'll let go. If I let go, then I risk everything we have right now for a chance that it could all be ruined. If I let go, then I let go of everything and choose to hold onto him.

The rain starts to bounce harder off of my windshield, almost cloaking anything that would be visible outside of my car. Street lights glow yellow balls of light in the distance, the only thing visible in the rain. I sit there a while longer, my anxiety growing as each minute passes. The rain lightens a little, and all of a sudden I see Sebastian leaving his apartment, walking down the steps to the parking lot. It's now or never. Opening my door, I step outside and the cold rain hits my face, my straight hair soon to become full of waves.

"Luna?" He looked slightly surprised but full of curiosity, "What are you doing here?"

He walks closer to me but stops when his curiosity turns scared for what I'm about to say.

"Sebastian," my breathing feels heavier, my nerves screaming inside me. "You've always been there. Even when you didn't realize it, you were there, keeping me from losing what little I had left of myself. My Grams, the hike, two in the morning waffle runs, dancing like you believed you actually have any rhythm whatsoever, even back when I was stood up. For the longest time, I felt like I was drowning, and I thought I was running out of air. I was scared. But then you came into my life, and piece by piece, you showed me how to breathe again. You showed me that I can only love myself if I accept every dark, painful, ugly thing about me," pausing to catch my breathe, realizing that the rain isn't the only water that's streaming down my face. The tears from my eyes also consumes the air in my lungs. "You made me realize that, sometimes the greatest beauty is formed from pain, from how you overcome that pain. I was scared that if something more ever came out of us, that it would eventually be ruined and I'd loose you, and I never want that. Then I realized that when you have something good, why not take a chance at making it great. I love you Sebastian. And I'm not scared anymore."

Running up to him, my hands find their way to his cheeks, my fingertips grazing his hair. My lips meet his, sweet and soft and savory. Everything is spinning. For a second I swear the rain stops, but then I feel it hitting my skin, a reminder that this is real. His arms keep my chest pressed against his, wrapped around my waist, but soon his hands travel up to my face, his thumbs grazing my ears.

His lips break from mine and the air finds itself way back into him again. Those sweet and soft golden brown eyes found mine, like they were done searching for something.

"Thank God, because I'm so in love with you," he says, but then his lips find their way back to mine, and it's like everything around us has stopped. In this moment nothing else matters except him and I, and I never want this to end. It's us and only us.

We were tragic and wretched and grievous.

But it felt ambitious, beautiful, and utterly extraordinary.