Finding You

Chapter 3

Halloween, 2018

It's our lucky year. Halloween falls on a Wednesday. That means not a single college student knows when to start and stop the Halloween partiers the entire week. Which makes perfect sense to everyone to just make the whole week dedicated to Halloween every night.

After my last class finished at five, I head back to the dorm. The air is chilly, I can feel my fair-toned cheeks turning pink as the wind dances around me. It picks up the fallen orange and brown and golden leaves and carries them through the air until it drops them to the ground again.

I think to myself that Halloween week means we go out every night. Which means a distraction for my mind every night. Unfortunately except for tonight. Both Henry and Delia have an exam tomorrow, they'll be out late cramming for it in one of the open-all-night study halls on campus. Luckily this weekend Kaia is coming to stay with Delia. I've always loved having her around. The weekends she visits are like an endless sleepover with your favorite people.

—

It's almost twelve-thirty in the morning. I'm staring at my ceiling, Delia still out studying with Henry. I'm afraid of how I feel when I'm alone. Waves of desolation wash over me.

Over and over again.

Melancholy fills my entire body up until there's no room for anything else. It gets better when other's are around me, but not better enough. Anything that keeps me from being alone, distractions are my savior. I crave them.

I don't understand why I feel this way. Why can't I just be happy? Why must I feel such a heavyweight of emptiness that's filled with nothing but misery? I can't stand this. I hate the silence. I hate the emptiness. I hate these feelings. And what I hate the most is that I feel as if I don't have control over any of this. It makes me feel weak, pathetic.

I roll over to my side, this damn old bed squeaks at every move I make. I force my eyes shut and try to go to sleep. I wish deeply that I could shut my brain off. Even for just one night.

One night of peace.

One night of freedom.

—

It's Saturday night, three days post-Halloween, but still Halloween to college students. Tonight's the last night of costumes.

Tonight the three of us are going as rave attendees. I think this one is my favorite. Henry and Jonah are going as an angel and devil. I'm not sure who is going as which one but I have a feeling Henry will be the devil.

It's about ten o'clock, Delia, Kaia, and I are just finishing up getting ready. In our tiny bathroom, I swipe a body gel full of iridescent clear and purple flakes over my eyelids and apply a dark, deep purple lipstick to my full lips. My dirty blonde, almost light brown hair is pulled half up, except the part pulled up is separated into two small ponytails. The rest of my wavy hair hangs down draping over my shoulders. Turning to my left, I stand in front of the full-length mirror hanging on the back of our bathroom door, looking over myself. I decided to wear a deep emerald green spaghetti strap crop top with a low scooped neckline that stretches along my chest. My eyes travel down to my waist. The pants I paired with the rich green top are high-waisted mesh black, wide flared pants that hold and accentuate my slightly curvy hips and thighs, with a black high-waisted cheeky bikini-like bottom under them. My bracelets clanging together sound as I reach up to put my earrings in. They're silver and light, but long enough to just barely graze my shoulders with a little four-pointed star on the end of each one.

Time to put on the last part of the costume. The one I wear almost every day.

My smile.

Stepping out of the bathroom and into our room I say to Delia and Kaia, "Okay, I'm finally ready." They're wearing matching iridescent tie-dye one-pieces, both full of soft pinks and blues and greens. Except Kaia's one-piece has a deep v-neck that makes a point right at the bottom of her breasts. The colors pop against her light brown skin tone. Her short curly hair shines with accents of deep aqua blue, thanks to a temporary hair gel, quite the gem we found while last-minute shopping for the rest of our costumes yesterday. Delia's one piece was haltered and the colorful powders on it spread all the way up to her neck. The fitted piece accented her curves beautifully. Her bright red hair straightened out that had silver hair gel shimmering throughout her fiery mane. The last touch to each of our costumes, eclectic glasses. I chose huge, bright purple heart-shaped glasses. Kaia wore round glasses rimmed with black and filled with a kaleidoscopic escape in the lenses. The glasses Delia wore were completely clear but were rimmed with a light that glowed pink all the way around.