Finding You

Chapter 12

September 2019, Junior Year

"Luna!" Henry shouts, lacing his arms under me and lifting my feet off the ground, only to spin me around once or twice. I haven't seen any of my friends all summer, not including the unlimited messaging and endless late-night phone calls. Seeing them again after three months feels like a rush of fresh, cool air after being stuck indoors for hours.

Catching a glimpse of Delia's red curls from behind Henry, she sets the box she's carrying on the floor and runs up to latch onto the two of us.

"Oh how I've missed your beautiful faces," she says.

We spend the next few hours unpacking, catching up on each other's summers. Even though we all talked every week on the phone, it's different telling someone stories in person. You get to see the excitement and joy on their face, and there's nothing more fulfilling than seeing that look on the faces of the people you love the most. Henry and Jonah saved up to spend three weeks traveling the states, from the Colorado mountains all the way to the beaches of South Carolina. Kaia and Delia traveled to Virginia to visit with some of Delia's extended family for just over a week, sending me cliche photos of the two of them posing as tourists with peculiar hats from different souvenir shops in Colonial Williamsburg and standing in front of beautiful, uncontained street art in the city of Richmond, bringing the streets alive full of color and stories. As for Sebastian, I'm not quite sure of the details of his summer. Every time I asked him what he was up to, he always had the same answer: he was busy working. My luck always seems to run dry when I try to get him to talk about his life outside of what we see.

A summer spent at home with Grams was like coming up for fresh air after almost drowning in my own self. I worked part-time, and whenever I wasn't working, Grams and I were either watching movies, relaxing and reading on the back dock, or at the fresh market a couple of miles from the house, picking out locally grown produce for dinner that night. We'd finish up late nights with playing round after round of cards and a glass of wine. Occasional swear words flying across the table after one of us sneaks up on the other in a vicious game of Uno. Those swear words mostly came from Grams.

Exhaustion runs through me as we finally finish unloading cars and unpacking boxes and decorating the apartment. Sandy yellows and warm burnt orange scatters the living room walls in minimalist bohemian artwork, accented with vibrant greens from indoor plants throughout. Warm yellow string lights drape along the walls and over the two windows, bringing a relaxed yet lively feeling to the space. This is our home for the next two years.

"Anyone up for pizza? I think it's safe to say none of us feel like cooking dinner," Delia says, and she's right.

"Yes please, this man is starving," Henry says, referring to his usual hungry-some self.

"I'll call for a delivery. Do we want the usual? All the meats with onions and banana peppers?" I ask.

"Hell yes," Delia and Henry say in unison.

"Oh! Let's see if Sebastian wants to join," Delia suggests. I tell them I would message him, I feel my cheeks warm and blush slightly. Clearly I haven't seen Sebastian in months, I try to hide the fact that I'm a little more than excited to see him by burying my head down into my phone.

We're ordering pizza, if you like banana peppers then you're welcome to join us.

Sebastian curiously replies, And if I don't like banana peppers?

Then I guess I won't be seeing you tonight, Sebastian.

Then I guess that makes you a lucky girl, because I love banana peppers ;) but I draw the line at anchovies.

No anchovies, making you the lucky one.

I'll see you in ten, Loo.

His last message draws out a smile on my face.

A slight knock on the door grabs my attention as I realize ten minutes went by quickly. Henry answers the door, opening it to a wide smile on the face it welcomed in. Sebastian hugs Henry and then Delia, making his way to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. His familiar scent of pine and sage sneak up under my nose.

As the night goes on, laughs are exchanged from each one of us more often than usual, minus the infectious laughter of Kaia. Luckily she'll be up here the next two weekends. While I miss my Grams already, it feels good to be back here with these people, my second home.

Suddenly moments from sophomore year flood my brain, reminding me of the weakest parts of myself. I had completely loathed myself for relying on others being around me for peace, and I desperately do not want that anymore. I want more than anything to not be scared anymore, afraid of myself.

Although I am not sure how to get there, and I am almost too afraid to find out.