Everything Will Be Okay... (Markiplier Fanfiction)

Chapter Fifteen: What You Say Can and Will Be Used Against You

「feels trip I'm sorry ಥ_ಥ」I'm actually not but I apologize also this chapter might have weird spacing I am also sorry about that... new phone ya know, still working out the kinks oh and 'Z' = Zara. ******trigger warning possibly******
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

。Marks Point of View。

It's been two weeks since Zara's disappearance and I can't comprehend not having her here. She was one of the few lights of my life in this secret depression I am holding in. I haven't told Destiny about what I am hiding, although I probably should tell her. It wasn't as bad whenever Zara was here, because we're cousins. The only reason why I didn't want totell Destiny is because I don't want her precious little heart to get worried, she's been through so much more shit than me it's only safe to not tell her about this. I don't want her to go and hurt herself again over myself. Even though I love her, which I do a lot, I can't see her in pain. It kills me inside to see someone that I, myself, am so close to. When Z came to my house.... I was excited-- but worried. I didn't want to fuck up. I didn't want to accidentally say something that would hurt her feelings or say something that would trigger her. Destiny doesn't know this, but, I have self-harmed before. I am right now, well not at this vey moment but I have within the last month. I do it on my thighs because if it were on my arms, she would see. I only do one cut, just one. Not to raise suspicion just in case she may see. With Zara being gone, I don't know how I am going to be able to survive if it's more than a month. Hell, if it's even a month I'll probably be in an institution. I started getting depressed when I was in college and I had this girlfriend. I can't exactly remember her name but it was good at first, hell it was amazing being with her. (not as amazing as it is with Destiny, though.) And then when I dropped out of my engineering class in college because it didn't fit myself, she started getting angrier. Then, I had to get my appendix taken out because it was the around the size of a fist. And then, I had a tumor about that size in my gut but that came out at a later date. Then after all of that I, myself, began to get angrier. Then we kept on fighting and then we broke up. After the break up, that led to my depression and sadness. It got better when I moved to LA and then met Des. Then when Zara came. Hell, this has been the best couple of years of my lifetime right here. When I started YouTube, that helped. A lot. Then I moved to LA. Then I met Destiny. Then we found about Zara and then she moved here. Right now, Destiny is out buying groceries. Thinking about all of this is making me sad. Right now I just want to end it all. Zara getting goddam kidnapped and possibly dead isn't something I really want to live with. I couldn't possibly love with myself if I found out that she was dead. I feel that it is my fault she was taken because if I would have just reported Jerry to the police officers, none of this shit would have happened. Yes,I very strongly believe that it was Jerry.

On that sad note, I turned on the television that we have in our living room. I put on the news because I haven't checked up on Z's case in a while and want to see if there is anything new. After watching about 10 minutes of the news, nothing about Zara came up. But, there was a story about a plane that crashed in the French Alps. And apparently the reason why was the pilot got locked out of the I guess 'cockpit?' Well, the room where they drive the plane, and then the co-pilot crashed the plane. It is estimated that about everyone died in the horrible crash. That lowered my mood down a lot more than thinking about Zara and then finding zilch on the news about her.

"Aww.... fuck it..." I said to myself quietly. I have now decided that I am indeed going to hurt myself today. I groan as I stand up from our very comfortable couch and saunter over to our bedroom. I open up our closet and dig out the little box full of blades. I pick the sharpest one out and hold it in my hands, staring at it. Do I really want to do this? Yes, it is your fault Zara is dead. No she isn't dead, at least we don't know yet. Yes she is, get it right, idiot. Go slit your wrists more.