Blades

1 (Revamped)

(If you see any errors, don't be shy, comment and let me know. Thx!)
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(Xamani pronounced Za-money)

Whether it be skydiving from an airplane or taking a trip to Paris, everyone has something on their bucket list. And while that is good to have, there are people out there who have wanted to do some...questionable things, Xamani being one of those people.

If it weren't for the lego she stepped on in her earlier years, she wouldn't have found her pleasure for pain. Which lead to her wanting to do one thing and one thing only.

Walk on shattered glass.

It was pretty straight forward and when asked what her goal was in life, she wasn't afraid to express just this.

Just imagining the sharpness cutting through the soles of her feet and blood seeping from underneath them alone had her feeling a second-hand high. A chill runs down her spine at the thought. How grateful she would be to do it right now.

She pulls a blade from her pocket and begins to drag it along her forearm. Old and new cuts litter it, stopping her from slicing. She may seem dumb when it came to her goal, but she sure wasn't dumb when it came to knowing if it was safe to slit again or not.

Her number #1 Rule: No cutting again until they're fully healed.

A knock comes to her door and she quickly slides the blade under her pillow.

"Lights out," says the caregiver, "you have a big day tomorrow." The door closes soon after leaving her confused.

What did they mean by that? Xamani's been at this orphanage for seven years and she's never heard that phrase.

She slips under her sheets and turns off the side lamp. Putting her hands behind her head.

Am I getting adopted? She thought, only to scoff right after. Every kid wanted a family that would love and care for them unconditionally, but not Xamani. A family to her was annoying little brats who bothered her 24/7 and parents who used her as a gateway to more money and a free pass to tell her what to do because they "paid the bills". Pigs would fly before she let two nonbiological parents tell her to wash the dishes or clean the tub.

The next day, kids were spewing from their rooms and headed for the dining hall. They were oddly loud which was unusual for this hour.

Xamani goes through the line to get a tray and plops down at her usual table: In the middle of the room and two tables down from the entrance.

"Xa Xa," her best friend, Ashton exclaims, approaching her from behind and slapping her on the back. She goes around the table, dropping her tray opposite Xamani and sitting. "How you feelin' on this lovely morning?" she asks, in a playful manner. Her blue braces were on show as she smiles brightly.

Xamani avoids making a face. "Im coo'." She could never understand how a person could be so happy in the mornings.

Ashton throws her hands up sarcastically. "Oh, of course. Why did I even ask?"

Xamani can't help but burst out laughing at this. Ashton knew she wasn't a morning person yet she still decided to ask how she felt every morning as if she would get a different answer.